Meeting his kids for the first time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first meet should be no more than five minutes, max. He’s moving way too fast.

+2

He’s not thinking about his kids here. I this is too forced and uncomfortable for them. If they have expressed a desire to meet you, they should choose an activity they enjoy and you can go along.

[Anonymous]

Tbh they want their dad to themselves. His time with them should be all about them. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tbh they want their dad to themselves. His time with them should be all about them. Just say no.

True. Also, run. A stepmother is a truly thankless job ( please, I know there are outliers) that never ends. Having your own child together makes little difference. Save the divorced dads with kids for similarly burdened women. You have choices and he is a poor one.

[Anonymous]

As someone with kids that age, a dinner is stupid. He’s setting everyone up to fail.

The first meeting should be something like going ice skating and getting hot cocoa. Maybe going to see the zoo lights, or any other activity. A sit down meal is the worst idea.

Now I’m wondering how much time this guy actually spends with his kids? Is it an every other weekend custody arrangement? Less?

[Anonymous]

Yakis to this whole scenario. That was my narcissic ExH way to introduce his 20-years younger GF to adult son, a little over a year post divorce. At a formal Thanksgiving dinner where they were giving formal thanks for “meeting each other” and giving themselves fake praise .
All after my exH was extremely verbally abusive with me and physically abusive with son. He threatened adult son that he wouldn’t pay for college if he yells anything at the dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with kids that age, a dinner is stupid. He’s setting everyone up to fail.

The first meeting should be something like going ice skating and getting hot cocoa. Maybe going to see the zoo lights, or any other activity. A sit down meal is the worst idea.

Now I’m wondering how much time this guy actually spends with his kids? Is it an every other weekend custody arrangement? Less?

Yeas, it’s a huge red flag and an indicator he doesn’t care really about his kids. What interests them etc. Only the facade they create with his GF.
My exH didn’t take our son on a single “dad-son” weekend trip after divorce

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:My GF has 4 kids, at the time the two youngest were 16 and 13 . I met them fairly early on in our relationship but it was mostly a quick 5 minutes the first few times. She has full custody so it was tough to navigate at first since she really never got a break. We’ve been together two and a half years and oddly the older kids took longer to come around - it’s been a slow process. I have three adult kids. Our kids have not met yet. None of them have much of an interest. Haha. We will see how that goes but for now it’s fine. No rush to get married. We’ve both been divorced abt 4 years now.

I agree with the others. I’d go with meeting them briefly a few times before doing the whole dinner thing.

Why your adult kids should be partaking in her young kids skate time ? They are not relatives or friends and likely won’t even talk if either of you dies tomorrow. Leave them alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with kids that age, a dinner is stupid. He’s setting everyone up to fail.

The first meeting should be something like going ice skating and getting hot cocoa. Maybe going to see the zoo lights, or any other activity. A sit down meal is the worst idea.

Now I’m wondering how much time this guy actually spends with his kids? Is it an every other weekend custody arrangement? Less?

Unf I think he’s too stupid and out of tune with his kids or relationship to know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yakis to this whole scenario. That was my narcissic ExH way to introduce his 20-years younger GF to adult son, a little over a year post divorce. At a formal Thanksgiving dinner where they were giving formal thanks for “meeting each other” and giving themselves fake praise .
All after my exH was extremely verbally abusive with me and physically abusive with son. He threatened adult son that he wouldn’t pay for college if he yells anything at the dinner

Disgusting.

All performative yet not fooling anyone but his narcissistic self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my now-husband’s kids for the first time at a very low key dinner out at Fuddruckers. No pressure, we introduced me as a friend of their dad’s and slowly I just came around more and more. I met them when they were 9 and 11. I’ve never parented them, just tried to be a supportive, loving adult. Be strong and stable and authentic and you’ll do fine. I wouldn’t do a formal sit down dinner.

TIL people actually go to Fuddruckers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. You have no children. Why are you dating someone w children.

Good luck w this.

This. You’ll always come second. If you don’t, he’s a bad father. They’ll resent you and likely any children you might have with him. Avoid me with kids at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best advice is to not come on too strong and to be 💯% authentic.

Ask them questions about their interests, extra-curricular activities and engage them to the best of your ability.

Good luck!

That's all you need to do on that and ignore the responses from the very damaged individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with kids that age, a dinner is stupid. He’s setting everyone up to fail.

The first meeting should be something like going ice skating and getting hot cocoa. Maybe going to see the zoo lights, or any other activity. A sit down meal is the worst idea.

Now I’m wondering how much time this guy actually spends with his kids? Is it an every other weekend custody arrangement? Less?

+1

This sit down dinner sounds way too intense. And 9 months is too soon to meet, period. First meeting should be lower stakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my now-husband’s kids for the first time at a very low key dinner out at Fuddruckers. No pressure, we introduced me as a friend of their dad’s and slowly I just came around more and more. I met them when they were 9 and 11. I’ve never parented them, just tried to be a supportive, loving adult. Be strong and stable and authentic and you’ll do fine. I wouldn’t do a formal sit down dinner.

TIL people actually go to Fuddruckers.

😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

He sounds extremely laid back. So don’t care or sweat it either Op. whatever happens happens.