How often do you see your BF/GF?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and they’re still in the see each other every day/talk every day/text all day phase, while I’m craving a bit more space. I felt bad because today they offered to swing by to say hi for a few minutes, then tried to turn it into dinner, but I really wanted an evening alone. Had to basically shoo them out for like 10 minutes.

What’s reasonable? I honestly am fine with seeing someone 1-2 times a week and texting occasionally, but I want to make sure they’re not feeling anxious.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’re not that into him.

[Anonymous]

In all of my relationships, we built up to seeing each other every day over time, as we became more serious. It certainly didn’t START with every day, and decrease over time. That being said, there are lots of people who would be fine with 1-2x a week in the midst of busy lives. But your partner may not be one of them.

Your preference is very normal a few months in, but it’s tricky because it sounds like you got serious very quickly, and your partner may experience any decrease in time spent together as you cooling off or withdrawing.

Are you dating for marriage? Or just companionship? I wonder if you and your partner want different things, now that the “honeymoon” stage is receding.

I think emotional intimacy would be hard to build when you’re only communicating “occasionally.” To me, that reflects a less serious relationship, and less of a partnership.

Is this your norm in relationships, historically? For me personally, in all of my serious relationships, our lives just naturally intertwined.

Wanting to shoo your partner out the door does not sound like a good dynamic, but it doesn’t sound like either of you are in the wrong; you just have different needs. Although wanting some personal space is totally valid, and you can communicate about that in a respectful way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all of my relationships, we built up to seeing each other every day over time, as we became more serious. It certainly didn’t START with every day, and decrease over time. That being said, there are lots of people who would be fine with 1-2x a week in the midst of busy lives. But your partner may not be one of them.

Your preference is very normal a few months in, but it’s tricky because it sounds like you got serious very quickly, and your partner may experience any decrease in time spent together as you cooling off or withdrawing.

Are you dating for marriage? Or just companionship? I wonder if you and your partner want different things, now that the “honeymoon” stage is receding.

I think emotional intimacy would be hard to build when you’re only communicating “occasionally.” To me, that reflects a less serious relationship, and less of a partnership.

Is this your norm in relationships, historically? For me personally, in all of my serious relationships, our lives just naturally intertwined.

Wanting to shoo your partner out the door does not sound like a good dynamic, but it doesn’t sound like either of you are in the wrong; you just have different needs. Although wanting some personal space is totally valid, and you can communicate about that in a respectful way.

OP. No, this isn’t the norm for my relationships, but it’s been years since I’ve dated. For context, I’m divorced with kids, and I’ve gotten used to a pretty balanced life with work, family, hobbies, friends, etc. I’ve also recently started a side hustle that takes 10-20 hours a week of my time. He’s my first real relationship since getting divorced.

He’s never married, no kids. So it makes sense he wants more time together, as he’s dating for marriage. I could go either way - I can see myself getting married, but also would be completely fine never getting married.

I guess I’m just used to being very independent.

I also feel like when I see him so much, I don’t have much to talk about. I want some space so we can both have experiences to talk about beyond just “Joe did this thing at work today”.

[Anonymous]

We're both divorced with kids so we see each other every other weekend (mostly unless one of our exes ask us to switch) and then we try to do a co-working from home day once a week where we have morning coffee, lunch, and snuggle on the couch with our laptops between meetings. We've been together a year and havent met each others kids.

[Anonymous]

Seeing someone every day is "normal," as is seeing someone only a few times a week. Everyone has their own preferences and needs. You just need to make sure you and your SO are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

You’re not into this person. Find someone you don’t want to shoo away.

[Anonymous]

Talk every day on the phone. See each other every weekend and often once during the week.

[Anonymous]

As a fellow divorced working mom with a little more dating experience than you, I think you aren’t compatible. I look for men with kids at home and hobbies. The last 2 relationships I’ve had, we aim for 1x week and the occasional weekend when we are both kid free. It can be frustrating sometimes when our schedules don’t align but we both get it and respect each others priorities (kids first, each other second but also hobbies, friendships and other commitments are important). When dating I actually screen out guys with too much time because your situation would drive me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seeing someone every day is "normal," as is seeing someone only a few times a week. Everyone has their own preferences and needs. You just need to make sure you and your SO are on the same page.

+1. I only see boyfriend 1-2x a week and we're both fine with that.

[Anonymous]

The needy/high maintenance/what took you so long to text/call back? stuff is the worst.

[Anonymous]

Looks like OP is very judgement and controlling. She wants to do this on her terms. There should not be anything like this since it should be fluid. You or them need you for anything should be the priority.

[Anonymous]

3-4 times a week usually

[Anonymous]

Back when I was last dating we'd have a brief phone conversation each day, and see each other maybe once during the week and again on the weekend (I suppose work and traffic was what kept us from seeing each other more). After a year of this we moved in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow divorced working mom with a little more dating experience than you, I think you aren’t compatible. I look for men with kids at home and hobbies. The last 2 relationships I’ve had, we aim for 1x week and the occasional weekend when we are both kid free. It can be frustrating sometimes when our schedules don’t align but we both get it and respect each others priorities (kids first, each other second but also hobbies, friendships and other commitments are important). When dating I actually screen out guys with too much time because your situation would drive me nuts.

Sigh. I’m worried it’s this. He stopped by to have dinner with my kids and I, and it dragged on forever. I was playing with my kids while he sat on the couch and scrolled his phone, I finally snapped for him to leave because it’s not really helpful for him to just hang out and scroll. And it’s not like I expect him to pitch in with the kids, but also, I just don’t see the point of sitting around and saying random things to me while I’m trying to do other things.

But, I recognize he’s at a stage of life where that’s probably what he wants from a GF, and that’s totally reasonable. Most people without kids do that. It’s just not me.