How often do you see your BF/GF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow divorced working mom with a little more dating experience than you, I think you aren’t compatible. I look for men with kids at home and hobbies. The last 2 relationships I’ve had, we aim for 1x week and the occasional weekend when we are both kid free. It can be frustrating sometimes when our schedules don’t align but we both get it and respect each others priorities (kids first, each other second but also hobbies, friendships and other commitments are important). When dating I actually screen out guys with too much time because your situation would drive me nuts.

Sigh. I’m worried it’s this. He stopped by to have dinner with my kids and I, and it dragged on forever. I was playing with my kids while he sat on the couch and scrolled his phone, I finally snapped for him to leave because it’s not really helpful for him to just hang out and scroll. And it’s not like I expect him to pitch in with the kids, but also, I just don’t see the point of sitting around and saying random things to me while I’m trying to do other things.

But, I recognize he’s at a stage of life where that’s probably what he wants from a GF, and that’s totally reasonable. Most people without kids do that. It’s just not me.

PP you’re quoting and yeah exactly. I went on a couple dates with a guy who was great but his kid lives overseas and he didn’t have any serious hobbies and I could just tell he’d be like “what do you mean you can’t come over after the school play?” I knew it would always be a point of tension. Until my kids are in college, I’d much rather have too little of my BF than too much.

[Anonymous]

The fact this his presence irritates you, that you don't enjoy hanging out / companionship, that you want to see him less, and you feel you have a lot of other things in life you would rather do with your time than see or talk to him pretty much says it all.

You just aren't that into him. End it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow divorced working mom with a little more dating experience than you, I think you aren’t compatible. I look for men with kids at home and hobbies. The last 2 relationships I’ve had, we aim for 1x week and the occasional weekend when we are both kid free. It can be frustrating sometimes when our schedules don’t align but we both get it and respect each others priorities (kids first, each other second but also hobbies, friendships and other commitments are important). When dating I actually screen out guys with too much time because your situation would drive me nuts.

how would you love someone deeper with this kind of interaction? Does it affect you in trusting them and be in committed relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have broken up with two people recently becaise I needed more space.

[Anonymous]

My ex is dismissive avoidant personality and would commit but then go back on her word. She wants to see me when I create distance and other times get overwhelmed if I am close to her. I mean all of us get overwhelmed with things that has nothing to do with our partner but changing your feelings so many times is a big red flag for me so I ended things with her. You have to consider partners' feeling and not always yours because relationship is a commitment and it has ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a fellow divorced working mom with a little more dating experience than you, I think you aren’t compatible. I look for men with kids at home and hobbies. The last 2 relationships I’ve had, we aim for 1x week and the occasional weekend when we are both kid free. It can be frustrating sometimes when our schedules don’t align but we both get it and respect each others priorities (kids first, each other second but also hobbies, friendships and other commitments are important). When dating I actually screen out guys with too much time because your situation would drive me nuts.

how would you love someone deeper with this kind of interaction? Does it affect you in trusting them and be in committed relationship?

Well, a few things. while I wouldn’t shy away from a deep love right now, it’s not my highest priority - my kids are. And someone who puts their kids first and has joint custody is a huge green flag. I dont know why you ask about trust - someone who puts their kids first and does right by them gets way more benefit of the doubt from me than an occasional weekend dad. If you mean because I dont always know where they are - we stay in touch by phone / text so I have zero concern he’s off with some other woman. It does take longer to develop a deep relationship but that’s ok, as long as we’re both taking it at the same pace.