Trick or Treating elsewhere due to neighbors children becoming upset (they aren’t allowed to). Am I doing too much?

[Anonymous]

Neighbor’s children and my children are best friends. They don’t believe in Halloween due to religion. We do celebrate Halloween. Without fail the past two years they will come over before TOT starts and ask me if I can give them a piece of candy. I tell them to go ask mom and if she says ok, then I grab a handful of candy for each of them (4 kids). Her oldest will even pretend to have a costume on to try to celebrate just a little without getting in trouble. He brought one of his footballs to the door and told me he was a football player. She later stopped by and told me she had found out he dressed up and sent him back inside.

Once kids start going door to door her kids all cry. Inconsolable tears type crying and they watch from her windows. We are in row homes so the houses connect. My kids in turn feel bad that their friends are sad and cannot come out to trick or treat with them.

This year I planned to go to a neighborhood over just to give them a break from the past two years of tears and upset. A break on both sides, no one has to feel bad and no one has to feel sad about the other.

This morning I woke up and I’m asking myself - Am I doing too much? For background I’m an only child who often feels sad for people because of my own childhood sadness/loneliness that I’m working thru and never want anyone to feel left out or ostracized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neighbor’s children and my children are best friends. They don’t believe in Halloween due to religion. We do celebrate Halloween. Without fail the past two years they will come over before TOT starts and ask me if I can give them a piece of candy. I tell them to go ask mom and if she says ok, then I grab a handful of candy for each of them (4 kids). Her oldest will even pretend to have a costume on to try to celebrate just a little without getting in trouble. He brought one of his footballs to the door and told me he was a football player. She later stopped by and told me she had found out he dressed up and sent him back inside.

Once kids start going door to door her kids all cry. Inconsolable tears type crying and they watch from her windows. We are in row homes so the houses connect. My kids in turn feel bad that their friends are sad and cannot come out to trick or treat with them.

This year I planned to go to a neighborhood over just to give them a break from the past two years of tears and upset. A break on both sides, no one has to feel bad and no one has to feel sad about the other.

This morning I woke up and I’m asking myself - Am I doing too much? For background I’m an only child who often feels sad for people because of my own childhood sadness/loneliness that I’m working thru and never want anyone to feel left out or ostracized.

I mean, this isnt your job, but I commend you for being aware and trying to mitigate the disappointment for kids who arent yours but that you also care about.

If its not a big deal, try something new sure, but if it is a big deal to manage a new experience then their mom needs to do a better job of managing their disappointment. The inconsolable crying in front of everyone while the other kids in the neighborhood TOT is something....

But your kids are still going to talk about it. The other kids will still hear the neighborhood kids going around and it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

I think that’s kind of you.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

+1 OP is kind but this isn’t her problem.

Honestly the people who object to Halloween on “religious grounds” are so ridiculous. This wasn’t even a thing when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

+1.

Honestly, you’re doing this to spare your own feelings of guilt or concern, I don’t know. Other families will be walking by and trick-or-treating so you skipping your own neighborhood row is pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

+1 OP is kind but this isn’t her problem.

Honestly the people who object to Halloween on “religious grounds” are so ridiculous. This wasn’t even a thing when I was a kid.

I never met a non-TOT family as a kid, but it's always been a thing. JW, Pentecostal, evangelical Christians, etc.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is not your burden. I don't have any religion, so I am fine to take kids to celebrate any Christian/Jewish/Asian/Indian etc holidays. To me & them, it is just an exposure of different cultures or customs or food etc... I think it is fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

+1 OP is kind but this isn’t her problem.

Honestly the people who object to Halloween on “religious grounds” are so ridiculous. This wasn’t even a thing when I was a kid.

I never met a non-TOT family as a kid, but it's always been a thing. JW, Pentecostal, evangelical Christians, etc.

Yep there were certain houses we knew to skip in the 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

1 million per cent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel any need to accommodate something this parent is choosing to inflict on their kids. It's her burden to figure out. Why doesn't she take the kids out to do something else, even out to dinner etc, so they aren't just staring out windows and crying? There will be other ppl passing by to ToT.

+1.

Honestly, you’re doing this to spare your own feelings of guilt or concern, I don’t know. Other families will be walking by and trick-or-treating so you skipping your own neighborhood row is pointless.

Yeah, unless you rope off the block (don't do that) I fail to see how it would make a difference.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask if you could take them with your kids and go around the neighborhood. If she says no, she says no. But you tried. If she wants to torture her children I guess that's her choice. She can live with the consequences of her children crying and screaming.

[Anonymous]

It's so nice of you to offer that opportunity, but I don't think it's your responsibility. If these kids are sad about missing out, that's for the parents to deal with. They are the ones making their kids miss out, not you. Every kid is knew not allowed to celebrate Halloween, grew up to do it huge with their own kids.

[Anonymous]

I have no issue with families not celebrating Hallowe'en. Death and Day of the Dead and All Hallow's Eve and Day have different meanings for different cultures and religions. Not everyone sees it as a celebration and about candy and ghouls, ghosts, skeletons, zombies, and carved pumpkins.

However it is up to the parents to ensure their kids aren't forlornly staring out the window in tears.

[Anonymous]

That is so odd. I knew lots of families growing up that didnt celebrate. But they went to harvest festivals at their church. They dressed up as their favorite Bible character. They still ate candy. Kids crying by the windows is so so odd.

I would avoid it because it would make me uncomfortable. And it's fun to try TOT in different neighborhoods.

You should do whatever makes you and your kids happiest.