Constant requests from kid
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Anonymous
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I’m a SAHM and have a DD10 who makes frequent requests throughout the day. Example from the other day:
4pm - I had put away her crochet book & supplies about a year ago. She says “Mom, I want my crochet stuff to make doll clothes. You put them away, find them for me *today*” 4:45pm - While I’m helping DS with his homework, “Mom, I don’t like the plastic case my art markers come in, the lid keeps coming open. Find me a zippered bag on Amazon.” 5:15pm - “Mom, can you print out the word list for Wordly Wise (now)?” We had to leave for her sports practice in 30 minutes & I was in a rush plating dinner. I have different reasons why the above bugs me. The crochet stuff she could’ve asked me where I put them so she could get them herself. She OFTEN asks me to get something for her when she should do it herself. I’ve been telling her nicely “Do it Yourself” for YEARS. The markers were pretty expensive, and it bugs me that she is now asking me for a new case instead of making do with the case they came in. For both the markers & especially the word list, I was clearly busy with something, and she was going to get the word list from her teacher the next day, but she didn’t want to wait. My general impression is she is low on EQ (putting herself in my shoes) and situational awareness, i.e., she doesn’t stop to think about the situation (mom is busy & rushing, I don’t need the word list & can’t use it right now anyway). She also lacks self-control/patience and wants things NOW. I have talked with her about her requests. As to the other day, I told her afterward, we barely got everything we needed done (homework, dinner) before sports practice, so when could I have done the things you asked for? I’ve also told her that she should really think whether she should make her requests, as I’m busy enough as it is. I’ve also told her she should save her requests for when we’re more relaxed, like dinner time and not when I’m in the middle of something. I’ve made these suggestions to her in the past, and they haven’t made a difference. I get the sense that she’s just not mindful enough to stop and assess, and is more reactive and says things as soon as she thinks them. I find her exhausting, this is just one of various ways she wears me out. Does anyone have practical suggestions for how I can deal with this? |
Anonymous
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My kids do this. I just keep putting it back on them over and over again. Like did you look for it?
Or I’ll say hey I’m really busy so I’m not able to help with that now, but let’s revisit it on Saturday when I have time. Usually they’ve forgotten by then or figured it out themselves. I am not here to be their servant. |
Anonymous
| Does she get angry/upset when you say no/not know or does she accept it? If she accepts your no, she just needs to develop more situational awareness and that will come with age. If she doesn't accept your no, you have a bigger problem. |
Anonymous
OP here. How old are your kids? I figured by age 10, DD wouldn’t make so many unnecessary requests, but I guess not? My siblings and I were latchkey kids who never asked anything of our parents, so I don’t have a good sense of what’s normal. |
Anonymous
Sometimes she pushes back because she feels like she *needs* whatever it is. She does eventually accept it, but probably because she can tell that I’m annoyed… |
Anonymous
Pp. I have boys ages 9 and 8. Maybe I’m more extreme on this than other parents but part of why I refuse to drop everything for them all the time is because I don’t want them to think that it’s the job of women to just serve them. The requests have definitely gone way down though over time, when they don’t work and I just kinda stay checked out/disengaged from them. |
Anonymous
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I think you are expecting a lot. 10 years are still pretty impulsive so to expect her to hold that thought and ask later is asking a but much.
My kid does this too, and I usually respond with when I can do it/help her do/or give instructions to do herself. |
Anonymous
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My Dads are 6 and 9. These types of requests would be unacceptable and they know it. They are told to figure it out themselves most of the time anyway. If they need a new item, I will get with them ant a free moment and discuss options and prices. They also spend their own $ on those and I will order and they pay me back.
No request without a "please, thank you , if you have time" gets honored. Any "I want" request gets a "wanting is great" response. |
Anonymous
OP here, I get it. My mom was the servant for our family, and I refuse to be one, too. |
Anonymous
That’s good to know. I feel like growing up latchkey has made it very difficult to know what is normal and parent my kids. |
Anonymous
OP here. I think I’m responding the right way (e.g., do it yourself, figure it out), but the breadth of requests wears me down. How do you stay patient and not sound totally annoyed? Like I do, lol |
Anonymous
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I would never do anything for anyone who made a demand. "Find it for me." "Buy me a new one." Oh, hell no.
And I wouldn't stop what I'm doing to do "wants" for a child. I might say "You can look for it," but if they needed more help "Where do you think is a reasonable place to look for that?" If you are just acting exasperated but still doing these things for her you are reinforcing that her way of speaking to you is okay. |
Anonymous
| Ask DD to write down all requests on a paper, and tell her you would help when you have time later, not right away if you’re busy on something else. |
Anonymous
| What a spoiled runt |
Anonymous
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Same as PP:
1) I don’t do anything unless it’s phrased properly (could you please, etc.) 2) if they can get it themselves they are told to go get it, unless they are sick or have told me already they had a hard day and are emotional. I am not a dog, I do not fetch things. |