Son, failing out of college

[Anonymous]

My son failed to graduate this year. He has a huge gambling addiction and god knows what other issues. He has lied consistently so I don't know the full extent of what is happening. We have asked him to get help and have offered help on condition that he gets his life together but every time we throw a lifeline he violates it (most recently stealing from us). He is an adult so I don't know where to start and what boundaries to set.

[Anonymous]

Pull him out of college, step 1. Clearly, he can't handle that.

Call gamble addict hotline to see what they can do for your.

[Anonymous]

Hate to say this but protect yourself financially - make sure he doesn’t have access to your CC, bank accounts, or any other source of funds. Pull him out of college. He has a bigger issue to address.

[Anonymous]

Stop supporting him. Change your locks. Don’t give him the opportunity to steal from you.

Sometimes cutting the cord and letting them truly fail will make a difference. And if not, you’ve
Protected your family.

[Anonymous]

Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

[Anonymous]

Gamblers Anonymous can help you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop supporting him. Change your locks. Don’t give him the opportunity to steal from you.

Sometimes cutting the cord and letting them truly fail will make a difference. And if not, you’ve
Protected your family.

This is what my husband did. But clearly he needs therapy - should I be waiting for him to get help or should I be finding a therapist for him and bringing him back home..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

It is hard OP.
We know you love him with all your heart; however, unfortunately, he is an adult and if he steals at this juncture, jail could be in his future.

Gambling addiction is very difficult to work through.

Maybe Gam-Anon would be helpful for you and DH or other family members.

DH is right and yes this is going to be very hard as the parents.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation. Requires counseling if one wants to avoid destroying one's life.

Encourage your son to get a job and to engage in counseling therapy.

[Anonymous]

I will attend GA open meetings to seek help (I have urged my son to go and he says he has but who knows)...any therapist you recommend?

[Anonymous]

The title of your post should be “my son is a gambling addict.” That he’s failing out of college isn’t the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop supporting him. Change your locks. Don’t give him the opportunity to steal from you.

Sometimes cutting the cord and letting them truly fail will make a difference. And if not, you’ve
Protected your family.

This is what my husband did. But clearly he needs therapy - should I be waiting for him to get help or should I be finding a therapist for him and bringing him back home..

As a mom who had to put my child out (different reasons) here’s my thoughts. If you’ve done everything you can do it’s time to stop. And if your child is a danger to others living in your house, it’s time. I would consider stealing a danger if you can’t prevent it by locking things up. Only you can answer whether you’re there.

In the meantime now is the time to cut off all supports. No money. No car. Only food and shelter. Phone maybe - mine was a danger to himself so that was the last thing I took and not until it didn’t matter. But if he’s using it to gamble, then it shouldn’t be on your dime.

If you remove him, I’d be very clear as to what it will take for him to return. And never waiver. It will be the hardest thing you ever do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough situation. Requires counseling if one wants to avoid destroying one's life.

Encourage your son to get a job and to engage in counseling therapy.

PP here who had to have my child removed. Everyone says counseling g is necessary. We found it useless.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. Defund, kick him out and tell him that when he is seriously ready to engage in counseling, gambling addiction, etc., then you will be ready to engage. Do not enable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son failed to graduate this year. He has a huge gambling addiction and god knows what other issues. He has lied consistently so I don't know the full extent of what is happening. We have asked him to get help and have offered help on condition that he gets his life together but every time we throw a lifeline he violates it (most recently stealing from us). He is an adult so I don't know where to start and what boundaries to set.

You can't do much but stop giving money to support his addictions. Get him in therapy or have someone he respects to intervene and take him for a lunch or hike to have a heart to heart discussion about the problem, consequences of that problem on his future and a dire need to explore the solutions.