Son, failing out of college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

This is tough love. He'll be back in few months. There is no one out there to support his lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

Sure that we all understand the logic of this statement, but what if "rock-bottom" is a lengthy prison sentence or, worse, self-harm ?

Maybe the question is what can be done before the son hits rock-bottom so as to avoid destroying any future job/career prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

Sure that we all understand the logic of this statement, but what if "rock-bottom" is a lengthy prison sentence or, worse, self-harm ?

Maybe the question is what can be done before the son hits rock-bottom so as to avoid destroying any future job/career prospects.

The thing is that there isn’t anything. Anything OP does is more likely to enable more harm than help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

Sure that we all understand the logic of this statement, but what if "rock-bottom" is a lengthy prison sentence or, worse, self-harm ?

Maybe the question is what can be done before the son hits rock-bottom so as to avoid destroying any future job/career prospects.

OP here. Exactly this question - PP put it better than me. This has been going on for at least 4 years now - the constant lies, coverups, expenditures, partying, etc. So I understand I should not be enabling him. But is there anything else I can do? I'm really desperate - if he goes down this path, its clear he is facing jail time or death.

[Anonymous]

He needs to hit rock bottom.

He will not shake the addiction unless he wants to quit the addiction.

Therapy for you and your husband if you feel like you need it. Therapy would be useless for your son.

The reality this takes tough love.


You and your husband might wanna get some support for yourselves at Alanon.

[Anonymous]

Since he is a legal adult, you can’t force someone into recovery. It is legal to be an addict.

The addict has to want recovery for it to be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

Sure that we all understand the logic of this statement, but what if "rock-bottom" is a lengthy prison sentence or, worse, self-harm ?

Maybe the question is what can be done before the son hits rock-bottom so as to avoid destroying any future job/career prospects.

OP here. Exactly this question - PP put it better than me. This has been going on for at least 4 years now - the constant lies, coverups, expenditures, partying, etc. So I understand I should not be enabling him. But is there anything else I can do? I'm really desperate - if he goes down this path, its clear he is facing jail time or death.

Let him go to jail! No, there's nothing else you can do - you've already been doing everything you can think of for FOUR YEARS! Let him hit rock bottom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes my husband has locked him out of everything. But my husband asked him to leave home and says we shouldn't enable him as he is an adult now. I am not sure how to navigate this.

Listen to your husband on this. Your son needs to hit rock bottom. Get his house keys back, change the locks if you can't, whatever. Stop paying for car, cell phone, everything. Tell him when he's ready to go to rehab and get honest and healthy he should reach out. Until then, he's on his own.

Sure that we all understand the logic of this statement, but what if "rock-bottom" is a lengthy prison sentence or, worse, self-harm ?

Maybe the question is what can be done before the son hits rock-bottom so as to avoid destroying any future job/career prospects.

He needs to hit rock bottom for him to want to get help.

[Anonymous]

There are always jobs out there for those in solid recovery.

He needs to hit rock bottom before he will be ready for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to hit rock bottom.

He will not shake the addiction unless he wants to quit the addiction.

Therapy for you and your husband if you feel like you need it. Therapy would be useless for your son.

The reality this takes tough love.


You and your husband might wanna get some support for yourselves at Alanon.

I don't know what OP is going through, but this is what I have heard.

Addicts of any kind must want to get better. Nothing you can do will change them. It's all on the addict.

But, I feel for you, OP. If this was to happen to my 20 yr old DS at college now, I think I would be desperate to figure out what to do for him, too. You could try an intervention like they do with drug addicts, maybe.

GL

[Anonymous]

He can take a gap year and join peace corps or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can take a gap year and join peace corps or something.

YOu don't seem to understand the magnitude of OP's problem.

[Anonymous]

Stop paying his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The title of your post should be “my son is a gambling addict.” That he’s failing out of college isn’t the issue.

but that's what the OP seems to be worried about -what will other's think about him not graduating instead of seeking help for themselves. Like any addiction, it is a family disease. It' stems from mental health. Your husband is on the right path, kick him out, while you are hung up on it and want to figure out a way to have him back home. His days of living with you are over, it's sad, I've been there, our kid is on recovery and until we kicked them out with very firm boundaries they were not going to change. Eventually they got help and they are sober now but we did what you did for along time.

join a support group, talk about it, you would be amazed at how many people have kids who are addicts in all forms.