Have any marriages ever gone from dead bedroom to active again?

[Anonymous]

Or is this just not a thing?

[Anonymous]

Depends on why it went dead, if it was childbirth it’ll be temporary if the spouse has proper support, if it was weight gain there’s like a 50% chance if health improves, if it’s betrayal then there’s like a 5% chance, if it’s contempt 0%.

[Anonymous]

Most dead bedroom are due to men. A lot of men peak sexually too soon. I know we have the super sexual couples on this forum having sex every day or every other day late into their 60s. The truth is they are in the minority. Men don't take care of themselves. They don't eat well. They don't sleep well. They don't manage stress . This neglect has a big impact on sex drive. Once a week becomes once a month, once a month becomes once every other month, then once a year, and then dead bedroom. It does not happen overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on why it went dead, if it was childbirth it’ll be temporary if the spouse has proper support, if it was weight gain there’s like a 50% chance if health improves, if it’s betrayal then there’s like a 5% chance, if it’s contempt 0%.

After childbirth isn't dead bedroom!! That's recovery!!

[Anonymous]

We have waves of great activity and dry spells. It is heavily dependent on work stress, kid schedules, and how we're feeling physically. I find that when I'm eating well and exercise regularly, I'm more apt to initiate - which works out for both of us bc my DH doesn't most times. It does take work to get it started up again but then once it does it can become fun again. Wishing you luck.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many men's sex drives decrease progressively once they are married? I am not interested in hearing from the women whose husbands didn't.

[Anonymous]

My husband complains about “dead bedroom” because I do not want to be touched the week before my period. The other three weeks of the month, we have almost nightly sex.

So from his perspective, yes, you can recover from dead bedroom, you just have to wait a few days.

[Anonymous]

We had a 7-year dead bedroom due to issues on both sides: depression, weight gain, ED, infertility and job/money stresses. Once we started finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel and the issues resolved we slowly found our way back. We have always been best friends and committed to each other, so it was a phase we had to weather through. We’re not swinging from the chandeliers or anything, but we’re both satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Single sex positing (doggy) is the same as a dead bedroom. This is the only position DH can have sex in. Any other position he can't maintain an erection or seems bored. No oral, no caressing, no kissing. He is having sex with me not because he is horny, but because he feels he has to. I am 51 and he is 56.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on why it went dead, if it was childbirth it’ll be temporary if the spouse has proper support, if it was weight gain there’s like a 50% chance if health improves, if it’s betrayal then there’s like a 5% chance, if it’s contempt 0%.

After childbirth isn't dead bedroom!! That's recovery!!

Right, but it’s fair for PP to include that in the response since OP didn’t specify.

[Anonymous]

Seems to be rare that a marriage goes from dead bedroom to active. I've seen a couple of accounts in these forums of that happening.

Mostly what you get is a complaint about a dead bedroom followed by a litany of things that ought to work to revive it by people who don't seem to have successfully navigated the issue themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a 7-year dead bedroom due to issues on both sides: depression, weight gain, ED, infertility and job/money stresses. Once we started finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel and the issues resolved we slowly found our way back. We have always been best friends and committed to each other, so it was a phase we had to weather through. We’re not swinging from the chandeliers or anything, but we’re both satisfied.

We also had a 7 year dead stretch. We were absolutely going to divorce once logistics could be worked out, but were still always there for each other. Resurrected our marriage 2 years ago and it's better than ever. Together 25 years, so there was enough of a foundation that we wanted to try. Kids are older and we're financially secure - that helps matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on why it went dead, if it was childbirth it’ll be temporary if the spouse has proper support, if it was weight gain there’s like a 50% chance if health improves, if it’s betrayal then there’s like a 5% chance, if it’s contempt 0%.

After childbirth isn't dead bedroom!! That's recovery!!

Did her mouth also give birth and need to recover? No. It's a dead bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many men's sex drives decrease progressively once they are married? I am not interested in hearing from the women whose husbands didn't.

In fact it is women whose sexual interest (in their husband, at least) inexorably declines after marriage.

[Anonymous]

We did. We went from chore sex once every few months to a 3-5 days a week if we have time. Sometimes if things in our life are otherwise very quiet it can be multiple times a day.

There were a lot of reasons and we had to fix the underlying issues in our marriage.

I have to say we were very very attracted to one another from the moment we first met. We waited to have sex until we got married and for those first few years we were doing it every night. After kids it went off a cliff- it was like DH didn’t see me as a woman anymore. It was weird.

I have a very high libido and DH sort of indulges me. I would like more variety in what we do but I can’t complain.