teen daughter only wearing baggy clothing?

[Anonymous]

My 18 year daughter spent high school in baggy jeans and huge sweatshirts/sweaters. She's a small person but no one could ever tell as she wears giant things. She's headed to college and we recently went shopping and in the dressing room she tried on jeans that fit and decided to buy them. I think I made the mistake of saying "those look nice." She brought them home and has been screaming )literally screaming) at me ever since that I forced her into buying tiny clothing that she can't breathe in. first, I didn't force the purchase it all--it was her. Second-they aren't tight pants--they're still the super loose style and they're nowhere near being formed to her shape but they're a few sizes smaller than she usually wears.

I think this is all probably normal but the anxious mom in me (stress is high as she's leaving for college) is worried that maybe something happened to her and she is hiding herself as a result. Or it's probably all normal.

[Anonymous]

Well the yelling at you because you forced her to buy them is probably the big transition nerves. Yay.

How is she in general? Friends? Social? Active?

[Anonymous]

Both of my college daughters wear oversized sweatshirts and baggy pants most of the time. They do own more fitted clothes, but they prefer the more comfortable baggy clothes. They're not hiding anything. They just want to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned that she is hiding an eating disorder or past trauma. That's a strange reaction if the clothes are still on the loose side. I'm not sure there is much you can do but to watch for any other signals.

[Anonymous]

Mom, your daughter likely has an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Please get her some help. Her screaming at you is a huge sign – she was triggered.

[Anonymous]

It probably isn’t about the clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year daughter spent high school in baggy jeans and huge sweatshirts/sweaters. She's a small person but no one could ever tell as she wears giant things. She's headed to college and we recently went shopping and in the dressing room she tried on jeans that fit and decided to buy them. I think I made the mistake of saying "those look nice." She brought them home and has been screaming )literally screaming) at me ever since that I forced her into buying tiny clothing that she can't breathe in. first, I didn't force the purchase it all--it was her. Second-they aren't tight pants--they're still the super loose style and they're nowhere near being formed to her shape but they're a few sizes smaller than she usually wears.

I think this is all probably normal but the anxious mom in me (stress is high as she's leaving for college) is worried that maybe something happened to her and she is hiding herself as a result. Or it's probably all normal.

How is it a mistake to say "those look nice?"

OP, it sounds like you walk on eggshells around her. I would be more concerned about that than anything. There is definitely more going on here that you either don't know or haven't told us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year daughter spent high school in baggy jeans and huge sweatshirts/sweaters. She's a small person but no one could ever tell as she wears giant things. She's headed to college and we recently went shopping and in the dressing room she tried on jeans that fit and decided to buy them. I think I made the mistake of saying "those look nice." She brought them home and has been screaming )literally screaming) at me ever since that I forced her into buying tiny clothing that she can't breathe in. first, I didn't force the purchase it all--it was her. Second-they aren't tight pants--they're still the super loose style and they're nowhere near being formed to her shape but they're a few sizes smaller than she usually wears.

I think this is all probably normal but the anxious mom in me (stress is high as she's leaving for college) is worried that maybe something happened to her and she is hiding herself as a result. Or it's probably all normal.

How is it a mistake to say "those look nice?"

OP, it sounds like you walk on eggshells around her. I would be more concerned about that than anything. There is definitely more going on here that you either don't know or haven't told us.

NP. If this was a pretty isolated incident it could just be the stress someone else mentioned upthread. If OP regularly does walk on eggshells than sure, that's a thing. Otherwise saying it was a "mistake" could just be an explanation of what happened.

[Anonymous]

Why do you allow her to scream at you? Take her phone, car keys, shut off the internet and leave the house. She can fend for herself.

[Anonymous]

Why cant she just wear whats comfortable and what she likes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18 year daughter spent high school in baggy jeans and huge sweatshirts/sweaters. She's a small person but no one could ever tell as she wears giant things. She's headed to college and we recently went shopping and in the dressing room she tried on jeans that fit and decided to buy them. I think I made the mistake of saying "those look nice." She brought them home and has been screaming )literally screaming) at me ever since that I forced her into buying tiny clothing that she can't breathe in. first, I didn't force the purchase it all--it was her. Second-they aren't tight pants--they're still the super loose style and they're nowhere near being formed to her shape but they're a few sizes smaller than she usually wears.

I think this is all probably normal but the anxious mom in me (stress is high as she's leaving for college) is worried that maybe something happened to her and she is hiding herself as a result. Or it's probably all normal.

How is it a mistake to say "those look nice?"

OP, it sounds like you walk on eggshells around her. I would be more concerned about that than anything. There is definitely more going on here that you either don't know or haven't told us.

Mom of a DD who struggled with anorexia - any comments of any form about clothes to someone who struggles with body dysmorphia or eating disorders can be a very complicated thing. . . It seems innocent to give a compliment, but unfortunately it's not. It taps into a deep reservoir of conflicted feelings about having a body in general that you can't possibly anticipate.

Based on my experiences, I would guess that when mom complimented her daughter, it had some sway in her daughters decision to buy the pants (even though it was ultimately her daughter's decision) but that when she came home, her feelings about herself in relation to those pants got intense, and that mom's "influence" on the decision was an easy target for blame in the decision. It's not a rational thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you allow her to scream at you? Take her phone, car keys, shut off the internet and leave the house. She can fend for herself.

This is ridiculous.

OP I have boys the same age and every girl o see is wearing oversized clothes and hoodies in 95 degree weather.

I wouldn’t worry about it. The summer before college is hard for teens. They’re anxious. Have some grace for her. Watch movies, pick out dorm stuff, and move on. She must have picked up that you didn’t approve and you didn’t, so she called you out. Move on for both of your sakes.

[Anonymous]

PP ^^ you didn’t approve of the baggy clothes.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stop screaming. Point out she has the receipt and can go return them if she wants, but if she screams again she can go stand outside the house until she's ready to speak civilly because screaming is absolutely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you allow her to scream at you? Take her phone, car keys, shut off the internet and leave the house. She can fend for herself.

This is ridiculous.

OP I have boys the same age and every girl o see is wearing oversized clothes and hoodies in 95 degree weather.

I wouldn’t worry about it. The summer before college is hard for teens. They’re anxious. Have some grace for her. Watch movies, pick out dorm stuff, and move on. She must have picked up that you didn’t approve and you didn’t, so she called you out. Move on for both of your sakes.

Nobody cares what she wears but screaming is not ok, she’s not 2 she’s 18.