Can we wrap a mini-vacation around this funeral or is it insensitive?

[Anonymous]

DH’s great uncle just passed away on the West Coast. There will be a traditional funeral next week for loved ones who live west of the Mississippi and then a memorial service next month for family and friends east of the Mississippi and overseas.

We live on the East Coast. Next month will be very packed with school and other obligations. However, right now, my children are home from college and I am off work. DH works from home.

Is it awful to wrap a mini-vacation around this funeral, leaving two days for the evening wake and the Mass and interment the next morning?

We could fly in, do 1.5-2 days of sightseeing beforehand and then have 1.5-2 days to drive up North to see that area before flying home.

[Anonymous]

Do it but don't talk about it during the funeral or to those who might be sensitive

[Anonymous]

Do what you need to do. I took my kids to Disneyland Paris after the funeral of my young BIL in the same city. It was heartbreaking, he was too young to die, and my kids needed the boost. My MIL made a comment, but I think everyone understood. And my MIL is a nice person and after that one comment didn't hold a grudge. She knows I loved her youngest son like a brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it but don't talk about it during the funeral or to those who might be sensitive

Thank you. We would be completely discrete about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what you need to do. I took my kids to Disneyland Paris after the funeral of my young BIL in the same city. It was heartbreaking, he was too young to die, and my kids needed the boost. My MIL made a comment, but I think everyone understood. And my MIL is a nice person and after that one comment didn't hold a grudge. She knows I loved her youngest son like a brother.

Thank you.

I’m glad that you could make that positive memory for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I think it's totally fine but don't post about it all over social media or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally fine but don't post about it all over social media or anything.

Thanks. It would definitely be something we kept under wraps.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine - but as others have said, be quiet about it. Don't make it seem like the funeral is getting in the way of your fun. and make sure others don't have plans for you.

[Anonymous]

I would not be offended at all. Many east coasters will not even make the trip! Sorry for your loss

[Anonymous]

Do it as others said but quietly. This isn’t an immediate family member so there likely aren’t high expectations on you other than it’s nice to show up for the family.

[Anonymous]

He wasn’t an immediate family member. If he died of natural causes at an old age, his death — while very sad — isn’t tragic. No well adjusted person would be upset about this as long as you’re discrete, as you say you will be. You have time off from school and work and you’re paying for airfare for the whole family to travel quite a distance. It would be a shame if you didn’t do some sightseeing. I’m sure great uncle would approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine - but as others have said, be quiet about it. Don't make it seem like the funeral is getting in the way of your fun. and make sure others don't have plans for you.

Thank you.

Any ideas about how to word that we will be available for about 24 hours without lying or letting the cat out of the bag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine - but as others have said, be quiet about it. Don't make it seem like the funeral is getting in the way of your fun. and make sure others don't have plans for you.

Thank you.

Any ideas about how to word that we will be available for about 24 hours without lying or letting the cat out of the bag?

We plan on being there for the funeral from x until y

[Anonymous]

I think you got the advice you needed, but I just want to say I agree. And I don't think anyone would expect you to hop on a long flight like that and immediately go home. I am sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wasn’t an immediate family member. If he died of natural causes at an old age, his death — while very sad — isn’t tragic. No well adjusted person would be upset about this as long as you’re discrete, as you say you will be. You have time off from school and work and you’re paying for airfare for the whole family to travel quite a distance. It would be a shame if you didn’t do some sightseeing. I’m sure great uncle would approve.

Thank you. I agree that he would probably approve! He was a lifelong traveler after his military service.