DH intentionally falling asleep on couch to avoid cpap

[Anonymous]

DH has a cpap and has for a decade- he is not overweight but his snoring is caused by the shape of his airway. DH believes that because he isn’t overweight his sleep apnea isn’t dangerous. He has a family history of dementia and strokes which the doctors have expressed concern about with regards to the sleep apnea.

DH travels often for work and refuses to travel with the cpap in spite of the fact that everyone else has one. Both the doctor and I have read him the riot act about it. He’s spent a ton of money out of pocket getting a more comfortable and quiet one. But lately he is grabbing his pillow and sneaking down to the couch every night and pretending he’s watching tv and fell asleep just to avoid using it.

Has anyone in the history of cpaps convinced their DH that he’s being selfish to not use it? When I brought it up this morning, he said “if I die, it’s not my problem.”

Posting in relationships not health because I have a DH problem.

[Anonymous]

Drop the rope. He is an adult and needs to make his own decisions.

[Anonymous]

My husband just got a mouth guard as a replacement for the CPAP. It's kind of like this and it was prescribed by his sleep doctor. Could your DH look into it? It seems far less awful that hte CPAP machine.

https://snorerx.com/?nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ax%3A22616355731%3A%3A&nb_adtype=&nb_kwd=&nb_ti=&nb_mi=&nb_pc=&nb_pi=&nb_ppi=&nb_placement=&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_fii=&nb_ap=&nb_mt=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22609881537&gbraid=0AAAAADxQsaUI9vl7yLE_sX8qU9Eztmr-k&gclid=CjwKCAjw4efDBhATEiwAaDBpbtj5D-H9Lbu8qkrO4vZzNpB2kgDIFxRH6JWFVROyAwaGhp12cmLv4RoCm3oQAvD_BwE

[Anonymous]

You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

He has had it for a decade and it seems like they have never ending discussions about it. She doesn’t say he doesn’t manage his family responsibilities because of it. Nagging someone day in and day out and going at them every morning about it isn’t really an effective strategy.

[Anonymous]

Cpaps are not actually hard to use. Tell him not to be a sissy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

He has had it for a decade and it seems like they have never ending discussions about it. She doesn’t say he doesn’t manage his family responsibilities because of it. Nagging someone day in and day out and going at them every morning about it isn’t really an effective strategy.

OP and I literally just said above that he doesn’t manage family responsibilities when he’s sleepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

You have discussed it. Ultimately we all get to make our decisions about health, and continuing to make your case is not going to convince him, no matter how righteous you feel. I've been there with my wife; eventually, she decided to start using the CPAP but my bothering her wouldn't have made it happen sooner. She had to decide it was worth it to her.

And a CPAP isn't a magic bullet. My wife still sleeps until 10am on weekends and naps all the time, and I get more responsibility. That's just part of being a parent. Fairness doesn't come into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope. He is an adult and needs to make his own decisions.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

He has had it for a decade and it seems like they have never ending discussions about it. She doesn’t say he doesn’t manage his family responsibilities because of it. Nagging someone day in and day out and going at them every morning about it isn’t really an effective strategy.

OP and I literally just said above that he doesn’t manage family responsibilities when he’s sleepy.

Oh I missed you were OP. My point still stands. Are you sure everything is equal. Do you work the same hours, take on the same amount of financial
Responsibility for the family? Do you keep yourself the perfect picture of health and fitness?

I am not sure why you posted. Your approach of nagging and trying to control him isn’t working but it seems you want to keep doing that. Do his efforts to nag and control you work?

[Anonymous]

The new machines are much more comfortable than ones 10 years old.

I think most insurance covers it with a doctor prescription.

[Anonymous]

Strap it to your face and see if you’d enjoy sleeping with it. My DH has one too, rarely uses it. He’s in the process of testing to see if he could do the Inspire implant instead.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force anyone else to manage their health differently. You can force people to eat healthier, exercise more, manage their stress, or get better sleep. You can’t force someone to take medication or use medical equipment.

You have already clearly made your views known. The doctor has reinforced it. Now he gets to make his own decisions. He is an adult. You don’t have to like it but it’s his choice.

But if his choice affects the rest of the family, shouldn’t that be up for discussion? OP here and when DH doesn’t use his cpap, he is a drowsy grumpy mess the next day. He denies it and says he can’t control his mood. But if it’s a weekend he’ll disappear to go nap or if it’s the evening he’ll say he’s too tired to do dishes or handle kid stuff and then nap on the couch.

If I did something like stay up all night watching movies or going dancing with my friends whenever I felt like it and was too tired to parent the next day, I feel like that would be up for discussion because it would be unfair to DH and dumping responsibility on him.

He has had it for a decade and it seems like they have never ending discussions about it. She doesn’t say he doesn’t manage his family responsibilities because of it. Nagging someone day in and day out and going at them every morning about it isn’t really an effective strategy.

OP and I literally just said above that he doesn’t manage family responsibilities when he’s sleepy.

Oh I missed you were OP. My point still stands. Are you sure everything is equal. Do you work the same hours, take on the same amount of financial
Responsibility for the family? Do you keep yourself the perfect picture of health and fitness?

I am not sure why you posted. Your approach of nagging and trying to control him isn’t working but it seems you want to keep doing that. Do his efforts to nag and control you work?

He controls me passive aggressively. For example, he worked from home today so there were a ton of dishes compared to one dishwasher load at night because he was home and cooked himself breakfast and lunch. I cooked dinner so it was his turn to clean. But since the dishwasher had been running, it was clean and full. He didn’t do the dishes because he said he didn’t want to have to do twice as much.

Responsibilities are not equal beyond that, no. We both work but I am the default parent and do the “second shift” even when he is not traveling. Him doing the dishes is pretty much the only responsibility at home he’s taken on that isn’t something that’s 1x/year. He does things like calling the sprinkler guy in the spring or taking the dog to the vet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strap it to your face and see if you’d enjoy sleeping with it. My DH has one too, rarely uses it. He’s in the process of testing to see if he could do the Inspire implant instead.

This is the dumbest argument. I’ve had a lifetime of different kinds of discomfort from health stuff, had a period since I was 13, carried and gave birth to a whole human, been in a boot off and on for a year for an ankle injury and surgery, and he can’t wear something in his nose so he doesn’t die?! It’s the most low-key cpap on the market and cost a fortune.