Divorce - new relationship

[Anonymous]

Getting divorced from awful STBX. Marriage was a nightmare the last few years and I emotionally detached a long time ago. I’d really like to meet someone who’s just nice and cares about me. Do you think this will ever happen?

[Anonymous]

Are you seeking a man or a woman?

[Anonymous]

Best not to expect that. Be happy with yourself and your life, don’t go looking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. But you can't bring that anger with you. No one wants to hear about your crazy ex. I mean maybe down the road when you really get to know someone you can share with them what it was like but you need to focus on bringing yourself into a new relationship. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. But you can't bring that anger with you. No one wants to hear about your crazy ex. I mean maybe down the road when you really get to know someone you can share with them what it was like but you need to focus on bringing yourself into a new relationship. Does that make sense?

I wouldn’t tell them. I just mentioned it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you seeking a man or a woman?

Looking for a man

[Anonymous]

Try loving yourself for a while. You sound really needy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. But you can't bring that anger with you. No one wants to hear about your crazy ex. I mean maybe down the road when you really get to know someone you can share with them what it was like but you need to focus on bringing yourself into a new relationship. Does that make sense?

I wouldn’t tell them. I just mentioned it here.

You have to fundamentally let go of the anger because it will radiate out from you. Before you can entertain the thought of being with another person, and of course you can meet another person, you have to free yourself. Therapy, reflection, meditation. You can't pin everything on your ex. Look at what you brought to the relationship dynamic, work on that, make peace with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you seeking a man or a woman?

Looking for a man

My guess is probably no, then. For reasons that have nothing to do with you. It’s possible but not probable. I would focus on friendships instead. It’s what I’m doing.

[Anonymous]

It's giving a tad codependent. Focus of self care.

[Anonymous]

I believe you can only truly more into a healthy relationship after some years of work and reflection. It’s taken me a long time to move through the anger/grief/accountability and healing. So I used my years with my kids and my healing as my focus.

In that healing and in those years you may find you love being alone. Ask me how I know if a great love comes along I’m here for it, but what healed me was truly allowing myself to love myself and to love the life I crafted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe you can only truly more into a healthy relationship after some years of work and reflection. It’s taken me a long time to move through the anger/grief/accountability and healing. So I used my years with my kids and my healing as my focus.

In that healing and in those years you may find you love being alone. Ask me how I know if a great love comes along I’m here for it, but what healed me was truly allowing myself to love myself and to love the life I crafted.

I’ve worked on this for 2 years prior to filing - I have no anger, or grief left. He was an awful human being with a mental health issue and I’m just glad that it’s over.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Good luck & come back and update us all on whoever that new person is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's giving a tad codependent. Focus of self care.

Every human being has the innate desire to live and be loved. The fact that you think that’s codependent says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

My bf and I have been together for about a year, we are both divorced, met on an app. We are both works in progress who continue to work on ourselves.

I met plenty of people via the apps who were cool enough, just not right for me. That said, it takes a lot of vetting and you will be approached on the apps by some losers, same way it was when you met men at parties/bars back in the day. Follow the burned haystack method of cutting off losers as soon as they reveal that they are losers and you will find your experience on the apps much more fulfilling.

I will say that both my bf and I have (prior to meeting) each done extensive therapy to work on ourselves and have established our own lives independent of a partner. Not everyone you will meet on the apps will have even taken a moment to reflect on their role in what went wrong in their marriage.