Boyfriend is very private

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are spending more time together at his place and I noticed he’s super weird about having privacy for all personal hygiene and using the bathroom. He’s also obsessed with showering 2-3 times a day. While I respect it, it hasn’t been my normal. I’m not sure if it’s an insecurity issue or just his personality. Do I address it or say nothing?

[Anonymous]

How long have you been together? Have you seen each other naked? Is he conservative, religious? Does he work out a lot so he needs to shower?
My DH was in the military and played sports in HS and college he never closed a door from day one...for anything. Once he set that tone, I went with it. Are you equally private with closed doors?

[Anonymous]

He's autistic and this is one of his OCD things. My son has the same tendencies, but not quite as severe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together? Have you seen each other naked? Is he conservative, religious? Does he work out a lot so he needs to shower?
My DH was in the military and played sports in HS and college he never closed a door from day one...for anything. Once he set that tone, I went with it. Are you equally private with closed doors?

About 6 months. I’ve seen him fully naked a million times during sex. We have a lot of sex. He isn’t religious and is an independent. He works out once a day but showers in the morning after a workout, after work, and sometimes before bed. I’m private when I go to the bathroom but that’s it. He doesn’t shower in front of me, shave, pee, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's autistic and this is one of his OCD things. My son has the same tendencies, but not quite as severe.

He isn’t autistic. I get that your son has autism but I’m so tired of everyone labeling someone as autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's autistic and this is one of his OCD things. My son has the same tendencies, but not quite as severe.

He isn’t autistic. I get that your son has autism but I’m so tired of everyone labeling someone as autistic.

+1. Thank you. It's ridiculous. Some people here just label anyone autistic

[Anonymous]

Nothing weird about this. Everyone should shower after a workout. He showers after work because he worked up a sweat there (it is 90 degrees outside!). Showering before bed helps you fall asleep.

You're really reaching for reasons to find fault with him.

[Anonymous]

I don't want a significant other seeing how the sausage gets made. I want privacy for everything I do in the bathroom, regardless of whether or not it involves the toilet. It keeps some of the mystery alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together? Have you seen each other naked? Is he conservative, religious? Does he work out a lot so he needs to shower?
My DH was in the military and played sports in HS and college he never closed a door from day one...for anything. Once he set that tone, I went with it. Are you equally private with closed doors?

About 6 months. I’ve seen him fully naked a million times during sex. We have a lot of sex. He isn’t religious and is an independent. He works out once a day but showers in the morning after a workout, after work, and sometimes before bed. I’m private when I go to the bathroom but that’s it. He doesn’t shower in front of me, shave, pee, etc.

This doesn't seem weird to me? I shower after my morning workout and before bed as well. I like going to be feeling clean. I've with DH for 15 years. We don't use the bathroom in front of each other and rarely shower in front of each other (I don't find showering together fun at all). I've seen him shave but....99% of the time he does it in the bathroom getting ready alone.

We have probably the best and happiest marriages out of anyone I know so I don't think our bathroom habits have any impact on the marriage!

[Anonymous]

Ewww why do you want him to pee in front of you? I’d be so turned off watching a man pee.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing, or even very unusual?

A lot of people shower both in the AM and before bed, and obviously after workouts also. Especially in the summer. Or even as part of their “after work” wind down routine.

DH and I have been married for 20yrs and we are very firm “bathroom door closed” people, and always have been. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's autistic and this is one of his OCD things. My son has the same tendencies, but not quite as severe.

Not sure about autistic but DH is like your boyfriend - private, super organized and clean (also showers 2-3 times a day), has strong aversions to certain smells. I've found I could live with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are spending more time together at his place and I noticed he’s super weird about having privacy for all personal hygiene and using the bathroom. He’s also obsessed with showering 2-3 times a day. While I respect it, it hasn’t been my normal. I’m not sure if it’s an insecurity issue or just his personality. Do I address it or say nothing?

Unclear how long you have been dating but keep spending time with him at your apt, his apt, maybe a weekend trip and see if he’s normal or ocd or totally mental.
What else is he “private” about? Talking or feelings or food or family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are spending more time together at his place and I noticed he’s super weird about having privacy for all personal hygiene and using the bathroom. He’s also obsessed with showering 2-3 times a day. While I respect it, it hasn’t been my normal. I’m not sure if it’s an insecurity issue or just his personality. Do I address it or say nothing?

OCD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together? Have you seen each other naked? Is he conservative, religious? Does he work out a lot so he needs to shower?
My DH was in the military and played sports in HS and college he never closed a door from day one...for anything. Once he set that tone, I went with it. Are you equally private with closed doors?

About 6 months. I’ve seen him fully naked a million times during sex. We have a lot of sex. He isn’t religious and is an independent. He works out once a day but showers in the morning after a workout, after work, and sometimes before bed. I’m private when I go to the bathroom but that’s it. He doesn’t shower in front of me, shave, pee, etc.

Like a quick rinse or a full fledged shower, shampoo, soap up? Only for summer or every day of the year? Weird. Ask him what’s up- that’s not good for your skin either to shower many times a day.