Are men ugly or am I bi?

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman in mid 40s. Slim, pretty face, get plenty of dates with professional men and almost everyone wants to see me again. However, I’m having trouble even to decide whom I like or attracted enough at least to sleep with. Men tell me at dates they were dating 20-30 yo women before, but they look ugly and totally un..able to me. Big bellies, sweaty etc. When I look at profiles of men on dating apps 90% look repulsive and ugly to me. I do go out and sleep now with a man who is 58 and is very fit (“ripped” biker).

At the same time I found myself often checking out good looking, proportional women at my gym’s changing room. Much higher number of women appear attractive to me. I look at them and want to touch their hair or privates, kiss them. I didn’t have these desires before.

What’s going on? Am I bisexual? Gay? I was married for 19 years, never slept with a woman. Closer to the end of my marriage I didn’t want to sleep with exH. His smell was repelling, even the leather seats in his car after his jogging workouts.

I wonder if other women in their 40s also find most middle age men sexually repulsive. What’s going on with me ? Can middle age hormonal changes make a woman gay or bisexual ?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure why you are comparing fit women at the gym to unfit big bellied men?

I am sure there are a lot of fit men at the gym as well. And there are lots of unattractive women with big bellies too.

No men aren't all ugly and women aren't all beautiful.

You can decide you are attracted to women without being nasty to men.

[Anonymous]

The wanting to touch and kiss them has me at yep you are into women. But you are comparing pumpkins to apples here by your physical descriptions.

Ignore PP, you are allowed to not be attracted to gross dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wanting to touch and kiss them has me at yep you are into women. But you are comparing pumpkins to apples here by your physical descriptions.

Ignore PP, you are allowed to not be attracted to gross dudes.

I didn't say she needed to be attracted to gross dudes anymore than a fit dude needs to be atracted to a gross women. I said that being interested in women doesn't you need to think all men are ugly. Do you think all gay men think all women are hideous and ugly? You can be attracted to who you want, without putting down an entire sex.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are bi, since you’re still attracted to physically fit men; you just are t into the pot belly thing. As PP said, it doesn’t necessarily sound like you would be into pot-bellied women either.

[Anonymous]

You sound bi to me. I have heard that hormonal changes can affect who you are attracted to. I vaguely recall reading about a study of women in hormonal birth control and how they would rank the smell of potential sexual partners differently depending on whether they were on the pill or not

[Anonymous]

Troll. Heading to a women's changing room where everyone's sweaty and gross and wanting to touch 'privates' sounds like some 5th grade boys fantasy.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a troll. In the gym, I find both fit men and fit women attractive. But in order for me to want a man sexually, it’s not enough just to be “ripped”. A man needs to have very high EQ, smell good, not be egocentric, be fun, giving both physical and emotionally in order for me to do the deed.

I found myself repelled by how they walk around weight room, some of them full of themselves, scanning the room, looking at me and other fit women. Men’s ego, tones of it in their voices is a turn off.

I went to an event and enjoyed more talking to and looking at women “that way” more. I love how they communicate and dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wanting to touch and kiss them has me at yep you are into women. But you are comparing pumpkins to apples here by your physical descriptions.

Ignore PP, you are allowed to not be attracted to gross dudes.

I didn't say she needed to be attracted to gross dudes anymore than a fit dude needs to be atracted to a gross women. I said that being interested in women doesn't you need to think all men are ugly. Do you think all gay men think all women are hideous and ugly? You can be attracted to who you want, without putting down an entire sex.

OP here: I find unattractive most fit men as well. My exH was very fit, he did martial arts. It’s the facial expressions, egocentrism, the way he communicated, smelled (sone aggressive chemical smell after workouts) in combination of that made me not want him.
I’m turned off by sweaty fit men in the gym. Sweaty women in sauna make want to touch them….

[Anonymous]

I was with you until this wanting to kiss women.
It takes time to find someone attractive. Give them a chance and you may learn to love the way they look more and more. Well, got to be a little bit attractive at first.
I get those out of shape 30 year olds telling me that they love older women, but I prefer the more fit ones in their 40s or 50s. The younger seem chubby because their lifestyle.
The older ones seem to eat better and have physically demanding jobs which I find more exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman in mid 40s. Slim, pretty face, get plenty of dates with professional men and almost everyone wants to see me again. However, I’m having trouble even to decide whom I like or attracted enough at least to sleep with. Men tell me at dates they were dating 20-30 yo women before, but they look ugly and totally un..able to me. Big bellies, sweaty etc. When I look at profiles of men on dating apps 90% look repulsive and ugly to me. I do go out and sleep now with a man who is 58 and is very fit (“ripped” biker).

At the same time I found myself often checking out good looking, proportional women at my gym’s changing room. Much higher number of women appear attractive to me. I look at them and want to touch their hair or privates, kiss them. I didn’t have these desires before.

What’s going on? Am I bisexual? Gay? I was married for 19 years, never slept with a woman. Closer to the end of my marriage I didn’t want to sleep with exH. His smell was repelling, even the leather seats in his car after his jogging workouts.

I wonder if other women in their 40s also find most middle age men sexually repulsive. What’s going on with me ? Can middle age hormonal changes make a woman gay or bisexual ?

Oh my.... I think you might be bi or gay.

I'm a woman in my mid 40s and I'm still very attracted to men... My husband and also other men I encounter. Like, I have elaborate fantasies about them and feel physically flustered in the presence of men I'm attracted to. Have never fantasized about a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing fit women at the gym to unfit big bellied men?

I am sure there are a lot of fit men at the gym as well. And there are lots of unattractive women with big bellies too.

No men aren't all ugly and women aren't all beautiful.

You can decide you are attracted to women without being nasty to men.

I find most men unattractive. More so the men who are out of shape, but also many who are fit. Its just how I feel about them. It’s an anonymous forum so I’m entitled to say what I actually feel.
With the women, I’m attracted to some women who are slightly overweight but proportional. Eg her soft building belly or even some extra skin above her P…. is not a turn off if her hips and tits are still bigger than the midsection and he has a cute face and pleasant demeanor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was with you until this wanting to kiss women.
It takes time to find someone attractive. Give them a chance and you may learn to love the way they look more and more. Well, got to be a little bit attractive at first.
I get those out of shape 30 year olds telling me that they love older women, but I prefer the more fit ones in their 40s or 50s. The younger seem chubby because their lifestyle.
The older ones seem to eat better and have physically demanding jobs which I find more exciting.

You mean, I shall give women or men a chance ? Are you a woman or a man? I’m attracted the most to very fit but curvy 40s women with smart faces. The body needs to be full, eg nice hips and boobs for me to want touch her. Not as much attracted to younger 20s women they barely have tits, they are too thin in my taste. Favorite feminine types - Monica Belucci, Scarlett Johansson

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and not attracted to women at all (I can find them attractive but aren’t attracted to them). It’s rare that I find a man attractive enough to find him sexually desirable, but it does happen every now and then. So my guess is you’re probably bi. Sexuality is a spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman and not attracted to women at all (I can find them attractive but aren’t attracted to them). It’s rare that I find a man attractive enough to find him sexually desirable, but it does happen every now and then. So my guess is you’re probably bi. Sexuality is a spectrum.

But how come I didn’t feel that way about women before divorce ? Is it because my sex choices were limited in my 20s? Never thought much of better understanding myself sexually ? I haven’t really dated. Married my second partner. To my horror, I find how P. tastes better than the c…k. I mean, my own but I badly want to try another woman’s…