How do you steer your dc from not getting caught up on private/$$ schools versus good in state public options?
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Anonymous
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Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.
This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of… Thoughts? Ideas? |
Anonymous
| Did he go to a private high school? |
Anonymous
Catholic. |
Anonymous
| You explain that to him, in direct terms. Tell him you're not going to pay extra for his snobbism, unless he can identify an academic direction he's interested in and why a major at X school has a better reputation in the profession than the same major of State U. |
Anonymous
Well I’m not paying for it. He’ll need to take loans. I’ve been clear on that. |
Anonymous
Then it is very clear that in-state is preferred unless he gets merit money somewhere. Save the $ for grad school. |
Anonymous
Except, as an undergrad, his loans will only be $5500 to $7500 a year (you start as $5500 as a freshman and can borrow a bit more each year). The rest will be in your name as parent PLUS loans. You can tell him he has to pay them back. But you are ultimately on the hook if he doesn’t. We could pay a bit above in state public. As an adult, our kid was “allowed” to take out the loans they qualified for, although we discouraged it. We were clear that there would be no additional loans. We really stretched to save what we did for college. We cannot pay back college loans and fund retirement. And, I will not have a kid come out of college with their options limited to only jobs that can pay off large loans. That debt also follows them in decisions about grad school, buying a home, having children. I watched it with my peers from law school. Large loans drove every decision for years. BTW— neither of our kids balked at the limits we set. And both have mentioned, unprompted, how thankful they are not not have the undergrad loans. DD is about to graduate from W&M and was just saying this week that her friends are freaking out about withdrawn job offers and graduating into a recession with loans, and at she doesn’t have that to worry about. Sometimes you have to live within a budget. We all want a $3 million house in Arlington or whatever. That didn’t happen either. We did a ton of research and chased merit. One kid graduated from a well regarded SLAC (with merit). One is set to graduate from W&M. Both have had fabulous college experiences. Neither has any student loans. You’re the parent. The larger loans are in your name. You can say no. I realize everyone wants to give their kid their dream school. But there is just an economic reality at play. Set expectations early, be clear, and work with your kid to find great school you can afford. They are out there. In state, some OOS public, some privates with merit. Maybe it’s Case instead of JHU for pre-med. not a bad outcome. Or Grinnell/Macalaster/Kenyon/Oberlin instead Colgate or Hamilton. Not a bad outcome. Instate VA, UVA, W&M, VT— all very different and appeals to different kids— none are bad outcomes. |
Anonymous
"He" won't be taking out loans. You, as the parent, would. |
Anonymous
You and a lot of the people commenting here don’t seem to understand college admissions very well. “Merit aid” at regular private schools is not usually genius aid. It’s just a discount nice kids get that’s designed to pry them away from their state flagship If your son applies to a wide range of private schools, including several safeties as well as well as targets, he probably will get enough merit aid that he can afford at least one of the private safeties, as long as he has a job during the school year and a summer job and he takes out a guaranteed federal student loan. Another important point is that the most selective schools tend to have better needs-based aid than less-selective schools. The odds that any given kid can get into Princeton may be low, but, for most students who do get into Princeton the net cost of going there will be low. Finally, an obvious option for solid student athletes could be ROTC or the military academies. Trump might put those options out of bounds right now, but things could get back to normal pretty quickly. |
Anonymous
+1. You see this mentality around here often as well. No idea how to fix it. Probably too late, OP. |
Anonymous
| Move to Virginia |
Anonymous
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He is right though. Ime, things that cost more tend to be better. Public anything tends to be crowded and lacking in resources.
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Anonymous
So yes. Should’ve sent him to public school. |
Anonymous
No, he cannot take loans that cover anywhere near the cost of college, OP. Please educate yourself on the financial landscape these days. The parents can take on loans, not the student. So in-state it is! If he's OK with a less-selective college, he can get merit aid. It's not based on "merit", it's based on his profile compared to most students at that school. They want to retain kids they view as brighter than their usual fare (but be careful of yield protection, where they reject kids who make it obvious they're just applying as a safety). |
Anonymous
+1 if your budget is in-state public, he can likely go to a private school ranked a bit lower. Coming from a Catholic school, definitely look at Jesuit colleges. A lot give merit aid ( but not the top ranked ones). Let him take the basic federal loan but I wouldn't take out more than that (or co-sign). We told our kids the same thing my parents told me - we can pay for our states public schools or a private school that will match that price. One ended up at an in-state public and one at an OOS private for about the same cost. |