How do you steer your dc from not getting caught up on private/$$ schools versus good in state public options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.

This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of…

Thoughts? Ideas?

You and a lot of the people commenting here don’t seem to understand college admissions very well.

“Merit aid” at regular private schools is not usually genius aid. It’s just a discount nice kids get that’s designed to pry them away from their state flagship

If your son applies to a wide range of private schools, including several safeties as well as well as targets, he probably will get enough merit aid that he can afford at least one of the private safeties, as long as he has a job during the school year and a summer job and he takes out a guaranteed federal student loan.

Another important point is that the most selective schools tend to have better needs-based aid than less-selective schools. The odds that any given kid can get into Princeton may be low, but, for most students who do get into Princeton the net cost of going there will be low.

Finally, an obvious option for solid student athletes could be ROTC or the military academies. Trump might put those options out of bounds right now, but things could get back to normal pretty quickly.

OP already said they aren’t getting FA so your Princeton point is out. And as the kid has “caught the prestige buzz,” it’s unlikely the schools you mention that offer merit just to pry them away from the state flagship are the ones that OP’s kid has in mind.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly the same situation, but we are currently going through this with our junior. We can easily afford private colleges, but we are not willing to pay the full price except for a handful of colleges (T15-T20ish). We have made this clear to them. If they want to go to OOS public or expensive private outside of the list, they need to figure out how to find merit to bring the cost down to in-state.

[Anonymous]

Start touring schools and start using the net price calculators on their websites to estimate your costs. A pp is right that mid-tier private colleges could be the same price after merit aid as state schools. And when you tour school, you and your son will see that the quality of facilities is not related to whether a school is public or private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start touring schools and start using the net price calculators on their websites to estimate your costs. A pp is right that mid-tier private colleges could be the same price after merit aid as state schools. And when you tour school, you and your son will see that the quality of facilities is not related to whether a school is public or private.

+1 my kid visited both our Southern state flagship and pricey private northeastern SLAC’s and noted that the buildings/facilities at some of the SLAC’s looked worn and dated. No swipe intended at the privates - I graduated from a northeastern SLAC.

[Anonymous]

Let him know how much money there is and that he needs to get scholarships or financial aid for the rest of it. Or take out loans under his own name that will be payable when he graduates or drops out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start touring schools and start using the net price calculators on their websites to estimate your costs. A pp is right that mid-tier private colleges could be the same price after merit aid as state schools. And when you tour school, you and your son will see that the quality of facilities is not related to whether a school is public or private.

+1 my kid visited both our Southern state flagship and pricey private northeastern SLAC’s and noted that the buildings/facilities at some of the SLAC’s looked worn and dated. No swipe intended at the privates - I graduated from a northeastern SLAC.

+ 1 my kid looked at and applied to three public U’s (two in-state and 1 OOS) and we were very impressed with the academic offerings and social environment. Public U’s can offer genuine diversity (especially socioeconomic, diversity of life experiences, and political) in a way that a smaller or mid -sized private college can’t.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t let him apply to pricey schools outside your budget. It’s cruel when they are accepted to top schools and parents say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t let him apply to pricey schools outside your budget. It’s cruel when they are accepted to top schools and parents say no.

You actually have no idea the cost until the offer comes in. We are in the financial position of being able to pay full ride in state. My DD got several offers with merit that brought very expensive schools down to the same cost as in state.

For us, we had been clear for years what our budget was. We also made it clear that we aren’t assisting with loans. Our kids are stuck with whatever they can borrow on their own. We agreed to the number of applications we’d pay for (10). And I put no limits on where applications went even though our budget was limited. Our DD got into several schools that were out of budget and she survived just fine when those schools got crossed off the list. Most kids aren’t that fragile.

[Anonymous]

What I did was explain that we were able to pay $x for four years. Then I listed the state schools and private schools total cost of attendance for 4 years. I explained to my daughter that she could apply anywhere she wanted, but she needed to apply to several state schools in addition. And I told her that we weren’t going to pay over $x. So if she wanted to go to a more expensive school she needed to either get merit aid or apply for and win a huge number of scholarships.

She applied to several private schools that had eye watering total costs of attendance. But she received huge merit scholarships to several of them and is attending a school next year that worked out as less expensive than any of the state schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t let him apply to pricey schools outside your budget. It’s cruel when they are accepted to top schools and parents say no.

You actually have no idea the cost until the offer comes in. We are in the financial position of being able to pay full ride in state. My DD got several offers with merit that brought very expensive schools down to the same cost as in state.

For us, we had been clear for years what our budget was. We also made it clear that we aren’t assisting with loans. Our kids are stuck with whatever they can borrow on their own. We agreed to the number of applications we’d pay for (10). And I put no limits on where applications went even though our budget was limited. Our DD got into several schools that were out of budget and she survived just fine when those schools got crossed off the list. Most kids aren’t that fragile.

You actually do know when you’re applying to schools where merit is rare/nonexistent and you’ve used the NPC.

[Anonymous]

Sit him down and do the ROI calculations. Show him how much he has lost out on already by paying for private high school. Pick a stock that did great at the same time.
Makes sure he understands that he needs to make a lot of money from 25 to 50 to come out ahead. If his kids get a taste of private school life, he needs to work til 70.
Mine is the opposite. Public all the way and then community college and a job at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sit him down and do the ROI calculations. Show him how much he has lost out on already by paying for private high school. Pick a stock that did great at the same time.
Makes sure he understands that he needs to make a lot of money from 25 to 50 to come out ahead. If his kids get a taste of private school life, he needs to work til 70.
Mine is the opposite. Public all the way and then community college and a job at the same time.

? This is entirely dependent on what one makes.

[Anonymous]

Why was it OK to pay for 4 (7? 12?) years of private school but not college? Especially for a family that can easily afford it?

I don't understand the thought process at all, and I understand why the kid is so confused by your mixed messaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You explain that to him, in direct terms. Tell him you're not going to pay extra for his snobbism, unless he can identify an academic direction he's interested in and why a major at X school has a better reputation in the profession than the same major of State U.

Well I’m not paying for it. He’ll need to take loans. I’ve been clear on that.

"He" won't be taking out loans. You, as the parent, would.

Well, I didn’t include all detail here. But I won’t actually be. His dad will be. I’m divorced and that’s how our agreement reads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was it OK to pay for 4 (7? 12?) years of private school but not college? Especially for a family that can easily afford it?

I don't understand the thought process at all, and I understand why the kid is so confused by your mixed messaging.

Op here. 4 years of Catholic school. That is not at all the same as private school $$. And I can’t easily afford it. That’s the point.