Reply to How do you steer your dc from not getting caught up on private/$$ schools versus good in state public options?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You explain that to him, in direct terms. Tell him you're not going to pay extra for his snobbism, unless he can identify an academic direction he's interested in and why a major at X school has a better reputation in the profession than the same major of State U. [/quote]

Well I’m not paying for it. He’ll need to take loans. I’ve been clear on that. [/quote]

Except, as an undergrad, his loans will only be $5500 to $7500 a year (you start as $5500 as a freshman and can borrow a bit more each year).  The rest will be in your name as parent PLUS loans. You can tell him he has to pay them back. But you are ultimately on the hook if he doesn’t.  We could pay a bit above in state public.  As an adult, our kid was “allowed” to take out the loans they qualified for, although we discouraged it. We were clear that there would be no additional loans. We really stretched to save what we did for college.  We cannot pay back college loans and fund retirement. And, I will not have a kid come out of college with their options limited to only jobs that can pay off large loans.  That debt also follows them in decisions about grad school, buying a home, having children. I watched it with my peers from law school. Large loans drove every decision for years.

BTW— neither of our kids balked at the limits we set. And both have mentioned, unprompted, how thankful they are not not have the undergrad loans. DD is about to graduate from W&M and was just saying this week that her friends are freaking out about withdrawn job offers and graduating into a recession with loans, and at she doesn’t have that to worry about.

Sometimes you have to live within a budget. We all want a $3 million house in Arlington or whatever. That didn’t happen either.

We did a ton of research and chased merit. One kid graduated from a well regarded SLAC (with merit).  One is set to graduate from W&M. Both have had fabulous college experiences.  Neither has any student loans.

You’re the parent. The larger loans are in your name. You can say no.  I realize everyone wants to give their kid their dream school.  But there is just an economic reality at play. Set expectations early, be clear, and work with your kid to find great school you can afford. They are out there. In state, some OOS public, some privates with merit.  Maybe it’s Case instead of JHU for pre-med. not a bad outcome. Or Grinnell/Macalaster/Kenyon/Oberlin instead Colgate or Hamilton. Not a bad outcome. Instate VA, UVA, W&M, VT— all very different and appeals to different kids— none are bad outcomes. [/quote]

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