How do you steer your dc from not getting caught up on private/$$ schools versus good in state public options?

[Anonymous]

If the stats of the students at your flagship are comparable or superior to those of the students at the expensive schools, you might emphasize quality/superiority of the former. As a general rule, I wouldn’t pay for a school with a weaker undergrad student body than that of my flagship. And since this site is DCUM, I’m assuming that your flagship is either UVA or UMD. However, if your flagship is, say, the University of North Dakota, I’d do whatever I could within reason to afford a quality option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.

This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of…

Thoughts? Ideas?

You and a lot of the people commenting here don’t seem to understand college admissions very well.

“Merit aid” at regular private schools is not usually genius aid. It’s just a discount nice kids get that’s designed to pry them away from their state flagship

If your son applies to a wide range of private schools, including several safeties as well as well as targets, he probably will get enough merit aid that he can afford at least one of the private safeties, as long as he has a job during the school year and a summer job and he takes out a guaranteed federal student loan.

Another important point is that the most selective schools tend to have better needs-based aid than less-selective schools. The odds that any given kid can get into Princeton may be low, but, for most students who do get into Princeton the net cost of going there will be low.

Finally, an obvious option for solid student athletes could be ROTC or the military academies. Trump might put those options out of bounds right now, but things could get back to normal pretty quickly.

he doesn't seem like the type of person to apply to safeties - he would probably call them "shit" as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fun being the poor kid at a rich school. Can he join his dormmates to fancy restaurants a few days a week and blow $500, or $5000, on a saturday night out without breaking a sweat? Will girls be interested if he cannot? Will he have the poor car that cannot be parked in front of the frat house? Will the frat ask what his father's occupation is during rush week, will it be good enough?

This is definately something to consider. It's more challenging to find friends when you simply don't have any extra spending $$ in college and 60-75%+ around you are full pay, and have an open ended Credit card/cash flow to do whatever they want.

exactly. and these kids talk about who is "poor," meaning middle class, laugh about it, laugh at cars that are like toyotas or fords, girls won't want to ride in one, they expect very nice jewelry gifts regularly. It's so much. Just forget it unless you are rich.

DP. Some of you are so insecure and weird. I was MC and went to a top private college with many wealthy kids, but I found my way. And there were plenty of other middle class kids. If anything, many of the wealthy schools trend very liberal so the rich kids are almost a little embarrassed of their privilege. LMC and middle class kids who made their way there based on merit had extra cred.

I am simply providing facts about how it was at my expensive private university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fun being the poor kid at a rich school. Can he join his dormmates to fancy restaurants a few days a week and blow $500, or $5000, on a saturday night out without breaking a sweat? Will girls be interested if he cannot? Will he have the poor car that cannot be parked in front of the frat house? Will the frat ask what his father's occupation is during rush week, will it be good enough?

This is definately something to consider. It's more challenging to find friends when you simply don't have any extra spending $$ in college and 60-75%+ around you are full pay, and have an open ended Credit card/cash flow to do whatever they want.

exactly. and these kids talk about who is "poor," meaning middle class, laugh about it, laugh at cars that are like toyotas or fords, girls won't want to ride in one, they expect very nice jewelry gifts regularly. It's so much. Just forget it unless you are rich.

What?! This is not the mean girl movie. My UMC DS is not getting a car in college unless of course he can make money and buy himself. It is college; the whole point is to learn how to be an independent adult.

Rich kids don't have to be independent, and some will never work, they have funds already, some have multiple cars at school, they call buy cars on their credit cards by phone on a whim, some have 1+ homes at school (for them, not the parents), maybe a runway for a plane too. Maybe privates in more rural settings are different, but mine was in a major metro area.

[Anonymous]

We just had a candid conversation about finances and not getting caught up in names, etc. You can be successful anywhere and boards like this act like it's not possible, but I can assure you, it very much is and happens all the time.

My son chose a large state school over a small private one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.

This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of…

Thoughts? Ideas?

You sit down and explains "we have XXX to spend per year on tuition, so the college search should be limited to those schools unless you want to take loans out in your name for the balance"

[Anonymous]

Since we were full pay no aid, we agreed to pay for expensive colleges if they get at least half tuition in merit. They did say no to full merit state schools but also said no to zero merit schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start touring schools and start using the net price calculators on their websites to estimate your costs. A pp is right that mid-tier private colleges could be the same price after merit aid as state schools. And when you tour school, you and your son will see that the quality of facilities is not related to whether a school is public or private.

+1 my kid visited both our Southern state flagship and pricey private northeastern SLAC’s and noted that the buildings/facilities at some of the SLAC’s looked worn and dated. No swipe intended at the privates - I graduated from a northeastern SLAC.

Interesting & accurate observation.

Often state flagships have superior facilities & a better range of academic options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fun being the poor kid at a rich school. Can he join his dormmates to fancy restaurants a few days a week and blow $500, or $5000, on a saturday night out without breaking a sweat? Will girls be interested if he cannot? Will he have the poor car that cannot be parked in front of the frat house? Will the frat ask what his father's occupation is during rush week, will it be good enough?

This is definately something to consider. It's more challenging to find friends when you simply don't have any extra spending $$ in college and 60-75%+ around you are full pay, and have an open ended Credit card/cash flow to do whatever they want.

exactly. and these kids talk about who is "poor," meaning middle class, laugh about it, laugh at cars that are like toyotas or fords, girls won't want to ride in one, they expect very nice jewelry gifts regularly. It's so much. Just forget it unless you are rich.

What?! This is not the mean girl movie. My UMC DS is not getting a car in college unless of course he can make money and buy himself. It is college; the whole point is to learn how to be an independent adult.

Rich kids don't have to be independent, and some will never work, they have funds already, some have multiple cars at school, they call buy cars on their credit cards by phone on a whim, some have 1+ homes at school (for them, not the parents), maybe a runway for a plane too. Maybe privates in more rural settings are different, but mine was in a major metro area.

The Ivies have some of the highest First Gen/poor kids due to anyone under $200k going for free. It's not the 1980s. My kid is at an Ivy and it's very welcoming and collaborative and all of the kids are highly motivated--though kid is at one that is known to be low on the 'douche' factor.

[Anonymous]

I would just not st all entertain the idea. State schools for us. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Bentley is a fine school. A damn fine school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.

This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of…

Thoughts? Ideas?

It would help if you named a few of the schools (SMU, Pepperdine, USC, Colorado College, NYU, Wake Forest, Tufts, Tulane or ???) So that more tailored advice / suggestions can be offered.

He only has an "athlete hook" if he is a recruited athlete or if he was a varsity team captain (leadership hook).

Does he plan to continue with his sport during college ?

Unlikely that he will receive merit aid if just "a good student".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dc is a junior and really not very mature or focused on specific academic programs, but suddenly he is obsessed with pricey colleges (not necessarily the very highest ranked ones, either, but ones in nice areas and/or pretty campuses and wealthy students) as ‘better’ and dismissing basically every in state affordable option as ‘shit’. Yes, this is my dc. He has caught the ‘prestige’ buzz, and I don’t know how to talk him out of it. I’ve explained that I can pay for in state in full with some extra to give him when he graduates, but he will likely need to take partial loans for a private school. He’s got an athlete hook and otherwise is a good student but not top, and I doubt he’ll get much if any merit money. And we will get no FA.

This is maybe not the best crowd to ask this question of…

Thoughts? Ideas?

It would help if you named a few of the schools (SMU, Pepperdine, USC, Colorado College, NYU, Wake Forest, Tufts, Tulane or ???) So that more tailored advice / suggestions can be offered.

He only has an "athlete hook" if he is a recruited athlete or if he was a varsity team captain (leadership hook).

Does he plan to continue with his sport during college ?

Unlikely that he will receive merit aid if just "a good student".

Op here. I’m not going to start giving tons of details here for obvious reasons, but I’ll say that Tulane is the type of school he’s focused on- fun, popular, expensive. He’s also been drawn to pretty SLAC with classic beautiful campuses. A few of them are highly ranked, sure, but it’s not like he is focused much on academics.

And yes, he’s being recruited. It is still playing out but this issue is in the mix with these schools.

[Anonymous]

^ and of course he was plans to continue his sport. I wouldn’t say he had an athlete hook if he planned to play a club sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a candid conversation about finances and not getting caught up in names, etc. You can be successful anywhere and boards like this act like it's not possible, but I can assure you, it very much is and happens all the time.

My son chose a large state school over a small private one.

How did you convince dc not to get caught up in names?