S/O--there is never a need to argue with another adult or engage in "conflict"

[Anonymous]

Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

[Anonymous]

Agree with them. Say you're right. I do avoid conflict. And so I can't have this conversation right now. And end it.

[Anonymous]

What kinda stuff are you having conflicts about?

[Anonymous]

You know who is modeling maximum personal conflict at the moment, right?

[Anonymous]

Oh boy ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

I would imagine sometimes you get what you want with this approach and sometimes you don't--yes, some succumb to being browbeat--I don't.

I will have discussions. I won't argue or stand and sit be told the same thing over and over and over again, with a raised or angry voice. When that happens I will walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

I would imagine sometimes you get what you want with this approach and sometimes you don't--yes, some succumb to being browbeat--I don't.

I will have discussions. I won't argue or stand and sit be told the same thing over and over and over again, with a raised or angry voice. When that happens I will walk away.

>>>>>Your cookie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

I would imagine sometimes you get what you want with this approach and sometimes you don't--yes, some succumb to being browbeat--I don't.

I will have discussions. I won't argue or stand and sit be told the same thing over and over and over again, with a raised or angry voice. When that happens I will walk away.

>>>>>Your cookie

Sorry, I don't understand what this means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Today an avoidant wrote a whole screed to demonstrate what it's like to deal with the irrationality of an avoidant who can't even acknowledge that conflicts exist organically without making a screed about it.

Cool.

Listen... Conflict is the inevitable result of two non-same entities sharing enough time and space. There will be disagreements. This is a conflict. You want Chinese, she wants pizza. This is a conflict. It doesn't need to be a massive blowout all-out war, but it is a conflict. If I want Chinese and you want pizza, but we can both agree to tacos, we're good. If I only want Chinese and you only want pizza, so we order from different places, we're still good. Assuming that someone is trying to be 'controlling' is nonsense; most people are just trying to be understood by other people who don't innately understand them.

You do sound like you "can't handle communication" if you think that literally any conflict is to be avoided, and that anytime you're in conflict with someone, it's because they're controlling and trying to manipulate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

I would imagine sometimes you get what you want with this approach and sometimes you don't--yes, some succumb to being browbeat--I don't.

I will have discussions. I won't argue or stand and sit be told the same thing over and over and over again, with a raised or angry voice. When that happens I will walk away.

Effective advocating or conflict resolution is not “brow beating” nor “raising an angry voice.”

I think your hang up PP/OP is you are fixated on some made up black and white version of problem solving.

And you still sound like you prefer to aggravate others and then walk away thinking you “won” because you anger others on purpose. That’s your safe place and deflects from the actual underlying issue. You likely learned this from a passive aggressive parent who did the same thing or rewarded you when you did it.z

It’s immature. Stunted development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Today an avoidant wrote a whole screed to demonstrate what it's like to deal with the irrationality of an avoidant who can't even acknowledge that conflicts exist organically without making a screed about it.

Cool.

Listen... Conflict is the inevitable result of two non-same entities sharing enough time and space. There will be disagreements. This is a conflict. You want Chinese, she wants pizza. This is a conflict. It doesn't need to be a massive blowout all-out war, but it is a conflict. If I want Chinese and you want pizza, but we can both agree to tacos, we're good. If I only want Chinese and you only want pizza, so we order from different places, we're still good. Assuming that someone is trying to be 'controlling' is nonsense; most people are just trying to be understood by other people who don't innately understand them.

You do sound like you "can't handle communication" if you think that literally any conflict is to be avoided, and that anytime you're in conflict with someone, it's because they're controlling and trying to manipulate you.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Today an avoidant wrote a whole screed to demonstrate what it's like to deal with the irrationality of an avoidant who can't even acknowledge that conflicts exist organically without making a screed about it.

Cool.

Listen... Conflict is the inevitable result of two non-same entities sharing enough time and space. There will be disagreements. This is a conflict. You want Chinese, she wants pizza. This is a conflict. It doesn't need to be a massive blowout all-out war, but it is a conflict. If I want Chinese and you want pizza, but we can both agree to tacos, we're good. If I only want Chinese and you only want pizza, so we order from different places, we're still good. Assuming that someone is trying to be 'controlling' is nonsense; most people are just trying to be understood by other people who don't innately understand them.

You do sound like you "can't handle communication" if you think that literally any conflict is to be avoided, and that anytime you're in conflict with someone, it's because they're controlling and trying to manipulate you.

Adults aren't in conflicts with people their with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Today an avoidant wrote a whole screed to demonstrate what it's like to deal with the irrationality of an avoidant who can't even acknowledge that conflicts exist organically without making a screed about it.

Cool.

Listen... Conflict is the inevitable result of two non-same entities sharing enough time and space. There will be disagreements. This is a conflict. You want Chinese, she wants pizza. This is a conflict. It doesn't need to be a massive blowout all-out war, but it is a conflict. If I want Chinese and you want pizza, but we can both agree to tacos, we're good. If I only want Chinese and you only want pizza, so we order from different places, we're still good. Assuming that someone is trying to be 'controlling' is nonsense; most people are just trying to be understood by other people who don't innately understand them.

You do sound like you "can't handle communication" if you think that literally any conflict is to be avoided, and that anytime you're in conflict with someone, it's because they're controlling and trying to manipulate you.

This is a disagreement. if it leads to an argument, that is conflict. The issue is not disagreeing with someone, but letting a disagreement get to a point of I am so angry right now and you need to figure out how to make me not angry or else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Controlling people start "conflict" and "arguments" to agressively demand that someone do what they want, and when the other person chooses not to engage in the manipulation tactic, they claim the other person is avoidant, not able to handle conflict, and not able to handle communication.

What you can do instead of ask someone if they'd like to do something calmly, in a non passive agressive or aggressive manner, and the other person can say yes or no. That's it. You can restate your cause, maybe one or two times, again, in a non passive aggresive or non aggresive manner, but that's it.

This is what I expect. I don't argue or engage in "conflict" with other adults.

Huh?? How do you resolve anything? Just walk away and never do anything?

I have to advocate for myself and my kids all the time. At work, at school, at sports, at conflicts that pop up. That’s life.

Otherwise I wouldn’t get promoted, my kid wouldn’t get into a certain program, and our bball coach wouldn’t have stayed.

Conflict resolution matters. Yes walk away from madmen, but don’t avoid conflicts / stonewall / silent treatment and deem that winning.

I would imagine sometimes you get what you want with this approach and sometimes you don't--yes, some succumb to being browbeat--I don't.

I will have discussions. I won't argue or stand and sit be told the same thing over and over and over again, with a raised or angry voice. When that happens I will walk away.

Effective advocating or conflict resolution is not “brow beating” nor “raising an angry voice.”

I think your hang up PP/OP is you are fixated on some made up black and white version of problem solving.

And you still sound like you prefer to aggravate others and then walk away thinking you “won” because you anger others on purpose. That’s your safe place and deflects from the actual underlying issue. You likely learned this from a passive aggressive parent who did the same thing or rewarded you when you did it.z

It’s immature. Stunted development.

you are entitled to this thought.