How do you explain this parent behavior

[Anonymous]

I am feeling sad about some behavior from parents of two very close friends of my DC (12).

My child is regularly invited for dinner and sleepovers at the house of friend 1. Parents have top jobs, we have good jobs and leave in the same neighborhood but don’t have the same ability to host, although friend often comes over to hang out with my child and is welcome to do so. Parents of friend have been very complimentary towards my DC, commenting they are a great child and a wonderful guest.

Recently my son was involved in a car accident and thankfully they are fine now. Friend 1’s s parent asked for their availability for a sleepover while they were recovering and I replied they were not available and needed to take rest to recover from a car accident, but may be available next time. Parent’s reply was a like.. nothing else. Sleepovers and meetups resumed since then.

Similarly, I was disheartened by very cold behavior directly towards my DC on the part of a parent of friend 2, also very close, which I am not going to describe..

I am an immigrant and find the attitude incredibly callous. Maybe they just like my DC as long as they are available to entertain their child, otherwise they could not care any less.

Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

What were you expecting Parents #1 to do?

They were probably surprised to hear about the car accident and didn't know what to say.

It seems they have hosted a lot.

Can you set up a daytime playdate and invite their kid to it? Movie at a local theater?

[Anonymous]

PP. Wait. So it seems like the kids are still hanging out.

So you expected more verbal expressions of concern for your kid, made to you?

[Anonymous]

I do find it a bit rude if they didn't ever say oh no, sorry to hear about the accident, how is he, etc. But if they already expressed that at another time, I think liking your text is just a signal they understood your reasons for not sending him.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My message was first time other parent heard about accident. And yes, I would have expected a minimal expression of concern, even a sad emoji..

[Anonymous]

You aren’t friends or even friendly with these parents, so when they contact you, it’s transactional rather than anything more than that.

And parent of friend 2 might not care too much for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My message was first time other parent heard about accident. And yes, I would have expected a minimal expression of concern, even a sad emoji..

You are right and this would be the reaction of normally developed people.

Yes, all the PPs are right. This is just a transaction fir them. If your kid enjoys, keep them. But know they are going amongst people who really are just into themselves and your kid is just the scenery.

Personally I'd just keep things surface level with them and not go to far in my trust of them to care for my kid when they are with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What were you expecting Parents #1 to do?

They were probably surprised to hear about the car accident and didn't know what to say.

It seems they have hosted a lot.

Can you set up a daytime playdate and invite their kid to it? Movie at a local theater?

I hear a quote on this board a lot that normally makes me roll my eyes, but it certainly applies here. " This is not hard." Send a damn emoji if you can't come in with words

[Anonymous]

Of course it is strange that they did not respond- nearly all normal people would at minimum say something like “oh no! So sorry! Hope he feels better soon!! (Or whatever). I would say that to a stranger, even.

But it isn’t worth over analyzing. Maybe they were in the middle of something & meant to respond further but forgot. Or maybe they are going through something themselves (you never know what is going on in someone else’s life). Also some people are just socially odd for various reasons.

I wouldn’t waste another moment thinking about this. Be happy your son has a good friend, they seem to enjoy hosting him, are responsible hosts (presumably) & leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Don’t look for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My message was first time other parent heard about accident. And yes, I would have expected a minimal expression of concern, even a sad emoji..

They didn’t acknowledge at all? Not even “oh I hope he feels better”? That’s very strange. Any normal adult would respond with some sort of nice message.

[Anonymous]

They racist

[Anonymous]

You’re way overreacting here. They still invite your kid to hang out so let it go.

[Anonymous]

You’re way overreacting and expecting too much. Your text probably caught them at a busy moment and they made a plan to follow up later, or just forget. Or they asked their kid and their kid said “oh yeah, he’s fine” or who knows what. You ask too much of people.

[Anonymous]

OP. I am just rethinking that reaction in light of the more recent incident related to friend 2.

Yes, relationship with parents is transactional but friendly. In the same way I was complimented about my DC (beyond the transactional messages), I could have received an expression of concern.

I am not looking for trouble. In fact my DC relationships with friends continue as usual, and my behavior with both parents is unchanged too (friendly).