What are we supposed to do about non-athletic child?

[Anonymous]

4th grade son is not good at sports. He has tried a bunch of different sports that friends were doing and while he seems to enjoy himself, he is always the worst on the team.
I thought we were doing the right thing by keeping him active and having him hopefully learn about different sports but the coaches act like it is a personal affront to be saddled with this poor performer. They yell at him, groan and moan, ask me why I signed him up when he doesn't understand a game which he never played before, and so on. These are just rec sports run by our village!
This is starting to affect him because he can see that these grown men are angry with him. One of them even told him he was playing like "dog sh*t"! He said today that he knows he's bad at everything. Which is not true...he's the best math student in his grade according to his teacher! But of course no one is publicizing that fact because it would make the other kids feel bad.
He did try a non-team sport (karate) but he asked to quit after 6 months and I allowed that since he gave it a try.
How are we supposed to help him improve his athleticism without making some coach mad? If we just kept him home wouldn't we also be doing the wrong thing?

[Anonymous]

Clearly you should leave him at a fire station.

[Anonymous]

Swim team. They divide by skill.

[Anonymous]

Nothing, you tried.

[Anonymous]

Keep trying non team sports especially the ones where it’s ok to start older. Try tennis lessons, fencing, golf etc

[Anonymous]

Just want to say my heart goes out to you. So sorry these coaches/other parents are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Does your son truly want to participate in these sports or is this something you think he should be doing? My 5th grader is not athletic and completely uninterested in team sports. To stay active, he takes private swim lessons 2x a week and loves to jog on the treadmill the other days. There is no good reason to force this stuff on your child when it will only cause unnecessary anxiety and pressure. FWIW, I was a lifelong athlete that played competitively at a top D1 program. Did I ever think I would have a child that doesn’t like or want to play sports? Never. Once I got over my own insecurities about what my son ‘should’ be like, I was truly able to embrace him for all of his amazing qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your son truly want to participate in these sports or is this something you think he should be doing? My 5th grader is not athletic and completely uninterested in team sports. To stay active, he takes private swim lessons 2x a week and loves to jog on the treadmill the other days. There is no good reason to force this stuff on your child when it will only cause unnecessary anxiety and pressure. FWIW, I was a lifelong athlete that played competitively at a top D1 program. Did I ever think I would have a child that doesn’t like or want to play sports? Never. Once I got over my own insecurities about what my son ‘should’ be like, I was truly able to embrace him for all of his amazing qualities.

Thank you for a reasonable response. I don't think he truly wants to play the sports, but his friends are doing it and he wants to do what they do. Luckily his friends like him for who he is. I certainly don't care about him being a competitive athlete but I want him to get exercise. Swimming is one thing he's able to do but I never considered private lessons. Thank you for the idea.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely no excuse for a grown man to say that to a child. I don’t know how common that is, but that’s crazy.

My oldest is never gonna play sports and that’s fine. You have to parent the kid you have I would just encourage physical activity, require him to go out and or take bike rides or walks and let the sports go.

[Anonymous]

I wish our kids could play in the same team. Too many parent coaches think they’re training for the pros. It’s not good for any of the kids. I think you have a conversation with the coch s at the beginning of the season about your goals(have fun with friends, learn a new game, not prepping for the pros). If a coach is really out of like (like the one who made the comment to your son) I’d let the organization know and ask if your child could be moved to a team that is more aligned with your goals (which are perfectly reasonable).

[Anonymous]

Karate didn't work out, but there are a TON of other non-team sports.

Bowlero has kid bowling leagues (my kids did this for a few years). rock climbing, fencing, golf, etc.

Also, WHy did you set him up for failure by signing him up for sports he doesn't know how to play (or rules)?
You should have pre-emptively given him exposure, pass the ball, watch on TV, etc.

[Anonymous]

Are you posting from TX by chance?

[Anonymous]

I absolutely sucked at every team sport as a kid, but I am a pretty decent tennis and pickleball player as an adult, and I enjoy other active stuff, so there is always something.

[Anonymous]

Stop putting him on teams. Let him do lessons instead. One-on-one if needed. Also, point him towards academics once he's in middle school - yearbook committee, debate, student govt, etc.

[Anonymous]

Swim team!! It’s a super supportive environment.