Is Throwing or breaking objects during an argument = domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

[Anonymous]

I used to do this, it was a very unfortunate side effect off poorly managed PTSD. I don't do it anymore because I've reprogrammed my nervous system - which is no small feat, by the way - and also I want my house to be a safe and happy place for everyone who lives here, which is not how my house was growing up.

[Anonymous]

Only when I man does it. Women get away with that and a whole lot more.

[Anonymous]

It is intimidation. It's like saying-- If i could, I would do this to your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

I wish you had called the police when the kindle hit you in the face. That is assault and he could have thought things overnight in jail. Maybe then he would finally “see the damage.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a disagreement on whether or not throwing or breaking objects (and not hitting anyone) during an argument is = domestic violence. If someone throws something or puts a fist through a wall during a fight is it considered domestic violence/abuse?

Let's take a poll. What do you think?

Yes, and the Clintons did it in the White House. Ask the FBI and the Secret Service

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the State of Virginia, it has to be physical violence against another person. What you are describing is not considered domestic violence according to the law. I know this because my husband is a Domestic Violence Officer in Virginia. If you came to his office and said "My spouse threw plates against the wall during an argument.", he could do nothing for you.

How about if he threw knives at you?

What if she threw tissues? Or crumpled up pieces of paper?

It depends on the situation and whether or not it made you feel afraid. Throwing knives at someone could seriously injure them. Throwing your husband’s dirty socks at him because you are tired of cleaning up after him isn’t intended to intimidate.

So, no. Throwing objects during an argument does not always equal domestic violence.

[Anonymous]

Well, after that one instance, I pursued divorce.

[Anonymous]

It is dv it is emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

I wish you had called the police when the kindle hit you in the face. That is assault and he could have thought things overnight in jail. Maybe then he would finally “see the damage.”

+1

DH has been throwing things for most of twenty something years. Yes, it included throwing stuff at me or the kids. It was worse before it was better, and I wish I knew then what I now know. If you have the chance to call the cops on him, do so.

The anger is internalized, and the abusive spouses learn that acting out on their anger, against anyone, is okay. It is not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a disagreement on whether or not throwing or breaking objects (and not hitting anyone) during an argument is = domestic violence. If someone throws something or puts a fist through a wall during a fight is it considered domestic violence/abuse?

Let's take a poll. What do you think?

yes if it is meant to scare someone

[Anonymous]

Put whatever label you want on the behavior, but it's a deal breaker. Someone so out of control that they can't stop themselves from throwing stuff isn't someone you want as a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a disagreement on whether or not throwing or breaking objects (and not hitting anyone) during an argument is = domestic violence. If someone throws something or puts a fist through a wall during a fight is it considered domestic violence/abuse?

Let's take a poll. What do you think?

Yes. Don't need a poll. It is the law.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it throwing things or breaking objects is a form of "coercive control". It is violence meant to intimidate the witness into behaving in a way that the perpetrator wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the posters that it is a form of intimidation/emotional abuse and that it can lead to physical abuse. Especially when done in anger during an argument or fight. My ex started with throwing things and it did escalate to physical assault.

But the other point I’ll make is that it on its own makes a high conflict household. That is distressing and harmful (particularly if children are in the home). It is ok to decide that this untreated, unpredictable anger is a deal breaker. It takes a toll on people’s nervous system to be around unpredictable anger. And you can decide you don’t want to live that way.

Hugs.

I don't know that this is always happening due to unpredictable anger. Often it's something that is actually life threatening or incredibly destabilizing. I've seen online stories where the wife finds out the man was married to someone else out of state and threw something. Where they committed a crime they concealed and the wife is reacting to this. The unpredictability can also be in the person that the other person is reacting to. Often something deceitful and damaging that the other person does which then destabilizes another because it affects them greatly and they were never consulted. I'm not saying that it is normal behavior, but it's not always someone just having a bad day themselves and taking it out on another.