Is Throwing or breaking objects during an argument = domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife throws her keys or phone occasionally when she’s angry. It’s just stupid. It’s a primal response to anger/frustration. She seems very primate-like. I should tell her that next time.

Until the keys or phone unintentionally hurt someone...

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters that it is a form of intimidation/emotional abuse and that it can lead to physical abuse. Especially when done in anger during an argument or fight. My ex started with throwing things and it did escalate to physical assault.

But the other point I’ll make is that it on its own makes a high conflict household. That is distressing and harmful (particularly if children are in the home). It is ok to decide that this untreated, unpredictable anger is a deal breaker. It takes a toll on people’s nervous system to be around unpredictable anger. And you can decide you don’t want to live that way.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I did this a lot in my youth, and have a handful of times as an older adult despite my great wish to never do this (and my mortification afterward).

I have severe C-PTSD due to childhood sexual, mental, and physical abuse. I have done an ENORMOUS amount of work as an adult to calm and balance my nervous system through a wide variety of techniques: yoga, breath-work, talk therapy, etc.

It takes an incredible amount of sustained effort and mindfulness to retrain your brain and nervous system, and it’s always easier to regress to what you know, sadly.

TLDR don’t abuse your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well it's ...... not good. I wouldn't stay in that relationship. Eventually that fist will hit a person. That thrown object will hit a person.

THIS!!!

I hope this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the objects being thrown near someone but not at them? If not, no, I don't think it's domestic violence. It's certainly close and it's not good, but I don't think it rises to the level of domestic violence.

Well turns out I'm wrong. Googled it and was brought to a Clark county in Indiana prosecutors page. Throwing things or destroying property is a form of intimidation and qualifies as DV. http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/what.htm

+1

NP here. Have to agree. Often, the only way to get the person to stop is to threaten (and follow through, if needed) to call the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the posters that it is a form of intimidation/emotional abuse and that it can lead to physical abuse. Especially when done in anger during an argument or fight. My ex started with throwing things and it did escalate to physical assault.

But the other point I’ll make is that it on its own makes a high conflict household. That is distressing and harmful (particularly if children are in the home). It is ok to decide that this untreated, unpredictable anger is a deal breaker. It takes a toll on people’s nervous system to be around unpredictable anger. And you can decide you don’t want to live that way.

Hugs.

If it’s in the middle of an argument, then it isn’t unpredictable. I’m not saying that it’s okay, or you should have to live with it, but it’s different.

I had an ex-boyfriend who would get terrible road rage and angry out of nowhere. I feel like that’s very different than my teenage son who punched a hole in his wall after I grounded him.

If I couldn’t handle my son’s anger, then I could just never punish him, and he would never get angry. There was nothing I could do about my boyfriend’s anger.

[Anonymous]

Guy here and if you aren't mature enough to not throw things, I don't want to be in a relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

It's DV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There actual legal definitions for DV. It does not include harming non-human things.

Throwing things, breaking things and punching things are all a FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, there are many forms and that is definitely one of them...it is a fear tactic, a tactic used to instil fear and gain control. I witnessed dv my entire childhood and then was the victim for 6yrs as an adult...trust me. I've been through shit tons of domestic violence therapy and victim classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There actual legal definitions for DV. It does not include harming non-human things.

Throwing things, breaking things and punching things are all a FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, there are many forms and that is definitely one of them...it is a fear tactic, a tactic used to instil fear and gain control. I witnessed dv my entire childhood and then was the victim for 6yrs as an adult...trust me. I've been through shit tons of domestic violence therapy and victim classes.

Ok. But you haven’t lived with a person with a normal range of emotions including anger. The anger you saw was so frightening that you see any anger as scary.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I had a boss who did things like this. I didn’t last long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former prosecutor here. DV frequently seemed to begin this way and over time escalated to physical violence. I would see it as a huge red flag and get out before it gets worse.

Former DV victim here and I agree. It starts this way and transitions to hitting people.

[Anonymous]

It’s immature and that has been reason enough for a couple of breakups on my end. Male here, if that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

I did this once when I found out my ex had cheated on me with multiple people and then slept with me. I know it was immature, but it's also terrible that people can get away with so much simply by lying. Infidelity means nothing anymore and to me it's also domestic violence. I've had to learn to not live with people who lie because without trust there is no relationship worth having. I know it's a trigger and I don't need to test my self-control with people like this. Now I just know to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former prosecutor here. DV frequently seemed to begin this way and over time escalated to physical violence. I would see it as a huge red flag and get out before it gets worse.

This.

OP, that you are having a "dispute" over this shows you are really enmeshed. Get therapy and end the relationship.