Cheap and stingy parents

[Anonymous]

Ya'll need an attitude of gratitude. Many seniors struggle from month to month. They can't pay for roof repairs, plumbing repairs and car repairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

I like getting good deals. IMO, paying full price for similar items feels like corporations are pulling a fast one on you.

+1. I have a friend like pp's mom. It is FUN for her to find good deals. She also goes to estate sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the reason they have that $7 million is that they were frugal and they saved and invested.

They wouldn’t have that much if they had been spending extravagantly all those years- and then you’d be here complaining that you and your spouse would have to be financially responsible for your MIL.

Yeah, I'm sure Op would be complaining if her MIL has $5m in an investment account, and the tremendous financial burden that would have caused them. How dare her ILs spend that $2m on themselves?

Don't be dense, PP - OP isn't wishing that her ILs spent their last nickel, just that they enjoyed themselves a bit more, or made their lives a little easier, with some of that money.

OP Here - exactly, i mean it's pretty hard to spend $100k extra per year when your whole life you never did.
A
But a cleaning lady is $5-10k a year. They shouldn't be cleaning toilets at 75 years old.

I’ve been very critical of you OP because of how you described your inlaws. Yes, I agree about as you age, you should spend the money to make your everyday lifestyle easier. I’m thinking after saving and spending frugally, they would not have known where to begin to hire help. Eighty year old people aren’t actually on the internet searching for trustworthy housekeepers. That’s something her son, your husband, should have helped his parents lean into a long time ago. But it’s never too late for him to start.

You don't think we have tried? What do you do when they keep sending the caretaker home. And the siblings are paying for it so it's not even the money.

I understand OP, my ILs are like this too and honestly it has become a safety issue. We don't live in the state and DH's sibling is still a couple hours away from them, they can't go down there every time the lawn needs to be mowed. They helped ILs hire someone to take care of the yard work only to learn that they had fired him after FIL passed out mowing the lawn and had to go to the hospital. Similar story with cleaning- they have a huge house and never downsized, but MIL doesn't trust anyone else to clean even though there are multiple good options that have cleaned for their friends and neighbors for years. Stuff like that. And don't get me started on a home health care aid that one of them really needs right now, but they refuse to hire anyone. It's so stressful for DH and his sibling because they have the money to make this stage of their life easier. Both ILs grew up poor so I do think it is a psycological issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

I currently have a 40 year old Maytag washer and dryer. Try to get that performance out of the new ones.

Our GE dual washer/dryer didn't even last 40 laundry sessions before messing up. POS.

[Anonymous]

OP Here -

seems like it was a combination of having periods of financial stress (unemployed) and market appreciation (mostly in growth tech) over the last few years. so outside of last 2 years the portfolio was much smaller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -

seems like it was a combination of having periods of financial stress (unemployed) and market appreciation (mostly in growth tech) over the last few years. so outside of last 2 years the portfolio was much smaller.

What are you trying to say here, OP? your subject is "Cheap and Stringy Parents". If you are cheap and stringy like your IL, then you do not have financial stress and your portfolio should be bigger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -

seems like it was a combination of having periods of financial stress (unemployed) and market appreciation (mostly in growth tech) over the last few years. so outside of last 2 years the portfolio was much smaller.

What are you trying to say here, OP? your subject is "Cheap and Stringy Parents". If you are cheap and stringy like your IL, then you do not have financial stress and your portfolio should be bigger.

what I am saying is that after reading this thread and spending more time thinking about it - I can see why they were cheap and stingy (which i admit was probably over the top initially).

In other words, I can see where they were coming from.

I have been called cheap and stingy many times. it's not as bad of an insult to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents (and I + DH, to be honest) are like that. I find peace in having money, I don’t enjoy spending money on many things and I like the feeling of being thrifty. DH’s parents spend every cent as they get it and live way beyond their means. No idea how they sleep at night or what they plan to do in their 80s and 90s, should they live that long. But to each their own. Neither way is exactly right or wrong.

Well there can be a happy medium. But what is the purpose of having some money if you are never able to enjoy it?

So sure, don't live above your means. But once you have enough saved for a good retirement (and to pay for 2-3 years of advanced LTC), why wouldn't you enjoy it some?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My NW is $20million. I have trouble spending money, and only buy necessities. I wish I could but I can’t. Don’t be judgmental.

You can help yourself with therapy.

I used to have trouble spending (grew up poor). We lived modestly (relative to our NW and yearly income) for many years. Now we have more than enough and we happily spend. But we are still "frugal mindset" and evaluate if something is worth it or not (ie not paying $1400 extra for a roundtrip 2 hour flight just to sit in first class, but no way in Hell am I sitting in anything but lie flat business for a 10 hour flight to Europe or 15 hour flight to Asia/NZ/Australia.). So yes, while it's silly when we "can afford it", we sill don't think it's worth wasting the extra $$ for a short time frame. We would rather use it for those longer flights that are crazy expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Serious question, why not donate some of that money since you don't need it?

DP: Because you never know when you or close friends/family might need it.
Also, I be someone like that is already donating time and $$ to causes near and dear to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

My 80 year old parents are like this, they have $15M+ and my mom won’t splurge for leather seats in her Honda crv. And now they don’t feel good enough to travel but they won’t hire someone to come into their house to help them with personal training, meals, etc. It’s really quite sad in my opinion. The frugality runs very deep for them. Although they do pay for all grandkids private schools but I do wish they’d live a little and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

It is true unfortunately.
The refrigerator I grew up with still runs. I am 57.
I just visited The Glass House in New Canaan and I watched the decent grab us cool drinks from the original icebox.

[Anonymous]

Who cares. Hopefully it’s not all spent on eldercare for MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

My 80 year old parents are like this, they have $15M+ and my mom won’t splurge for leather seats in her Honda crv. And now they don’t feel good enough to travel but they won’t hire someone to come into their house to help them with personal training, meals, etc. It’s really quite sad in my opinion. The frugality runs very deep for them. Although they do pay for all grandkids private schools but I do wish they’d live a little and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Truly honorable people

[Anonymous]

An elderly acquaintance of ours passed away. She always dressed in clothes that were repaired multiple times.
In her closet the family found brand new high end purses still in the box and in original packaging, now obviously a highly sought after vintage item.
She had all this and had refused to use them. Along with some other really good high end items and clothing.
Yet she had never worn w