Cheap and stingy parents

[Anonymous]

My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

I see this attitude as why generational money quickly evaporates. Nothing you wrote tells me your parents were struggling or unhappy with how they spent or saved. My guess is your mom did not get joy or care about high end clothes. Did they lament about not being able to have x or y? Did they say “if only” we could afford a, b,c - and they could have the whole time? Or is it just that they did not spend their money as you would have spent it had it been yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like it's any of your business OP. Are you worried your MIL was "forced" to live like that? I don't see where you come in the picture.

This x 1000000

[Anonymous]

Frugal attitude is not something to get 'out of people'.
OP started the thread to let us know MIL has millions. There was no reason to say the number.

[Anonymous]

My kids are young 14/12 and I am always trying to balance this. I want them to have memories of vacation, sleepaway, etc., but I also want to save for our future. I had previously hoped to retire at 60, but that will depend on how much college costs us. We have $4M between retirements, equity, and college, which sounds like a lot, but it's really not.

[Anonymous]

OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Serious question, why not donate some of that money since you don't need it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Yep. I think OP is really annoyed that they didn’t spend their money on her family, taking them on vacations, paying tuitions, maybe just giving expensive gifts on a regular basis. She’s also mad that she and her husband spent time helping them do things that they could have just paid someone else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frugal attitude is not something to get 'out of people'.
OP started the thread to let us know MIL has millions. There was no reason to say the number.

and what would be the purpose of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Yep. I think OP is really annoyed that they didn’t spend their money on her family, taking them on vacations, paying tuitions, maybe just giving expensive gifts on a regular basis. She’s also mad that she and her husband spent time helping them do things that they could have just paid someone else to do.

OP here - we have plenty of our own money.

I wish they had spent more to replace items that were worn, didn't work. i wish they were more willing to have help when they needed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Given that MIL has replaced the dishwasher, about to get a brand new car, etc - I am not sure that MIL wanted to be tight with the money.

I think the FIL had experienced periods of financial stress and never wanted to go to that place again.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is difference. You should do whatever make you happy. Do not judge or criticize other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Serious question, why not donate some of that money since you don't need it?

I hate these “why not donate” posts. Does that make you feel like a better person? PP will donate if he/she wants to. Really not your place to suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just a vent to be honest.

the In-Laws live in a modest 55+ community and it took a lot of effort to get them to move about 5 years ago. It was great.
the old house was run down and needed to be updated.

The lived conservatively, nice cars but 10 years old, vacations but nothing flashy. we always worried that they would run out of money.
They wouldn't get a new dishwasher even though the last one was a POS. Mostly due to the FIL who ran the house.

FIL passes away and we find out they have $7mm investment account.

Really wish they were able to enjoy the $$ and use the money to make their lives easier - getting a cleaning lady, other help around the house, nicer meals out.

hopefully the MIL decides to live life a bit easier but frugality is hard wired into their brains.

That's going to be good for you. All this money is coming towards you or your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

I don't know. I love TJMaxx and Nordstrom Rack. I also shop at DSW. I also own more than 3million dollars and a nice pension that covers all my current needs. I spend my money on what I want, just as I imagine your mom spends hers. You know what frightens me most is that my DC will be like you and spend money just to spend money and go broke trying to keep up with the Joneses. But that will be his problem, for I will be long gone.