Upset my date

[Anonymous]

I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man.

You're an idiot. Men, at least young men, will grab food off each other's plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man. If you were having a business dinner or getting together with another man from church or whatever, and you had only met once or twice, you wouldn’t ask him to eat the rest of his food. That would be so odd.

It seems fine in this context because it’s normal for a man to ask this of a woman. But it shouldn’t be.

That's b.s.

Men ask other men for their food all the time. It's even depicted in TV and movies. "Are you gonna eat that?" is a common question. There is a classic scene in the movie "Diner" where the guys get in an argument about food one of them has left on his plate.

I haven’t seen the movie, but I’m betting this isn’t the second meal those guys have ever shared together.

I’m also going to bet that neither of those guys has a lot of respect for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man.

You're an idiot. Men, at least young men, will grab food off each other's plates.

I don’t see this unless they are at the dining hall or something and already good friends.

I’ve never been out to a meal at a restaurant and seen a man ask another man for the rest of his dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man.

You're an idiot. Men, at least young men, will grab food off each other's plates.

Uhmm…no they don’t.
I work at an academic hospital and take the medical students or residents out to lunch or dinner prior to interviews sometimes. I’ve never seen a man ask for something off of another man’s plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating men and I found found some can be weird around food and sharing food. 40s men.

One guy told me (who I dated for months) that I had to share with him—before we even ordered —if I planned to try his food. This was his preference. He said that it would help him order enough. I found out this preference about after he made a big deal about my trying off his plate.

I asked him about it at the next dinner date. We had about two discussions about this topic over a couple of weeks. It ultimately didn’t work out. The guy was weird on other things too. —a bit nitpicky.

listen to advice above. it’s sound

This is not weird. I don’t share. I have recovered from an eating disorder and when I go to a restaurant I have usually selected my meal from the online menu in advance and planned my day around it. I do this so I can chat and seem relaxed and stress free at the restaurant and not hold up the group while I decide. Because I have decided in advance what and how much I will eat, I don’t want to eat other foods or share mine. My husband’s family cuts everything into pieces and nibbles nibbles all of it. One pastry will be tasted by 8 people. I don’t want 16 nibbles of various dishes. I want to enjoy the dish I selected, unmolested by reaching forks! If I decide I will eat a pastry, I want to fully enjoy the whole pastry and not smash the flaky crust to pieces cutting into bits to share.

You should lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Well this didn't happen...

TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man.

You're an idiot. Men, at least young men, will grab food off each other's plates.

I don’t see this unless they are at the dining hall or something and already good friends.

I’ve never been out to a meal at a restaurant and seen a man ask another man for the rest of his dinner.

I’m not trying to embarrass the OP. I see men ask this of their wives and girlfriends ALL of the time. I don’t think what he did is abnormal.

I just think it’s starting to not be tolerated in a younger generation of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m calling it misogyny because you wouldn’t have done this with another man.

You're an idiot. Men, at least young men, will grab food off each other's plates.

I don’t see this unless they are at the dining hall or something and already good friends.

I’ve never been out to a meal at a restaurant and seen a man ask another man for the rest of his dinner.

I’m not trying to embarrass the OP. I see men ask this of their wives and girlfriends ALL of the time. I don’t think what he did is abnormal.

I just think it’s starting to not be tolerated in a younger generation of women.

Key words being "wives and girlfriends." This was a second date.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are a jerk for eating her dinner on the second date. Until you have exchanged bodily fluids you shouldn’t be sticking your fork in her dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at men actually thinking it’s worth it for a woman to go on a date with a guy she doesn’t like for free food. Wtf dudes. No wonder you are single since you’re so clueless about what it’s like to be a woman.

+100 it's 2024 and we have jobs and our own money and can buy our own food. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Sorry, but that's unfortunately not true for a lot of women on the dating market. Particularly in expensive places like LA, SF, NYC, and even DC. (not sure where OP is located)

There are definitely women - usually in their 20s - who will go out with a guy for a nice meal and free drinks. At the end of the date, the woman is going home with a doggy bag (weeknight) or ditches the guy to go meet up with their friends for more festivities (weekend).

It's happened to lot of my buddies. It's not common, but pretty easy to sniff out once its happened to you.

Most 20-something guys are similarly broke, so they aren't the ones treating these 20-something women to nice meals and free drinks - they are asking to meet up for coffee. If the more established 30+ guys were dating women their own age maybe they wouldn't have to worry about foodie calls because the women who are their peers don't need or want to go on crappy dates for free food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ESH.

Eating off her plate (or even asking to do so in the first place) is weird and overly-familiar behavior on a second date. Don't do that again. Maybe it's fine once you get into an established relationship, but not on a second date.

That said, she should have said no. "Actually, I'm planning to take this to work for lunch tomorrow." Not hard.

Agree, it is overly familiar and (for me) too casual for a second date. Gives the impression you were focused on your own hunger, or maybe even on thinking that since you'd paid, the food should get eaten.

Even if that's not the thought behind it, OP, that's an impression it gives off, and impressions do still count on the second date. And frankly, for quite a while beyond that.

I do disagree, though, with the many PPs blaming the woman for not saying right away, in the moment,"I want to take it home." Hindsight is always perfect and it's easy for us to think, "I'd do that immediately!" But in that moment, she might have been so surprised that he was even asking, that she just didn't say it, and she might have felt, "Well, if he's that into eating off my plate, he must want it and I"m not going to try to snatch it back...."

We can all say about many situations, you should have spoken up then and there, but in reality, when you're the one IN that moment and someone does something you didn't expect, it's not always so easy to "use your words." Especially when it's something relatively small like this, it can sometimes feel like you should just let it go, then later you realize it really did matter to you.

If he took her out for an activity like bowling she can’t just say, I’ll watch you do it then take a bowling ball home and bowl by myself. Party foods and dinners are to be enjoyed primarily AT THE PARTY with whoever is hosting you, you don’t take it to go and enjoy it with some other dude you are seeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.
But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can make an assessment based on this. She is probably going on her gut. Eating all the food is unusual.

Were you that hungry? If it was good to you why did you assume it was not good for her ?

Maybe you should eat before going on dates.

OMG. How hungry were you?? Did you finish both portions?? LOL. But yeah, that is a weird move on a second date. Control your appetite, that is just scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.

Truth hurts babe. Now you know. Do better