Tired of Having to Be the Bad Guy

[Anonymous]

We’ve been looking at houses for a long time and hope to find something so we can move out of our rental. DH keeps showing me houses that have some crucial aspect missing that we need like off-street parking, is on a busy road, not in a flood zone, etc. He’s getting frustrated when I point these things out, but those are issues that are non-negotiable. I’m tired of having to be the bad guy explaining why these listings wouldn’t work for us. Anyone else sick of having to be the adult in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a communication issue. Have you both sat down a made a list together about what you want and what your non-negotiables are? If not, do that. Then when he shows you a house in a flood zone, you can just point to the list. It takes the focus off of you and puts it on the list you co-constructed.

[Anonymous]

There is no inventory. No one can be picky of they want to buy a home. If one wants to be picky, choose not to buy now. No one is selling appealing homes.

[Anonymous]

What does he say about the houses you show him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say about the houses you show him?

This. Are you taking initiative to find houses?

[Anonymous]

You are clearly shopping in a neighborhood you can’t afford and hoping to find a steal.

You won’t. Change neighborhoods

[Anonymous]

The market is still slow. Listings should start to pick up now. You’re both vetting houses, right? Unless you have an unlimited budget you will
likely have to make compromises and act very quickly once you see something you like. We made a list of wants and needs and prioritized the latter.

[Anonymous]

You're not being reasonable for first time buyers. First houses always involve a compromise like no off street parking, or some other big item. If you could find a place without compromise, you would have already bought it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a communication issue. Have you both sat down a made a list together about what you want and what your non-negotiables are? If not, do that. Then when he shows you a house in a flood zone, you can just point to the list. It takes the focus off of you and puts it on the list you co-constructed.

+1

This is the perfect solution to this issue!

[Anonymous]

OP, we really need to know how much you are participating in the search. Are you also finding properties? Or are you sitting back and letting him bring them to you?

Either way, you really need to sit down and make out a list, as PPs have said. But you do need to realize that you will have to compromise on something. And if you're not searching yourself, and just expect DH to magically bring something to you that is perfect, then you aren't really seeing what is realistic.

[Anonymous]

A. No flood zone is indeed non-negotiable. The rest is.

B. You're too early for the spring market, especially in a Presidential election year, when everything traditionally freezes until the new admin comes in. Right now inventory for good homes is very low.

C. Once spring season starts, you need your financial ducks in a row so you can make an offer day of. So do that now, if you haven't already done so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we really need to know how much you are participating in the search. Are you also finding properties? Or are you sitting back and letting him bring them to you?

Either way, you really need to sit down and make out a list, as PPs have said. But you do need to realize that you will have to compromise on something. And if you're not searching yourself, and just expect DH to magically bring something to you that is perfect, then you aren't really seeing what is realistic.

OP here. I am also actively looking. I like the idea of the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we really need to know how much you are participating in the search. Are you also finding properties? Or are you sitting back and letting him bring them to you?

Either way, you really need to sit down and make out a list, as PPs have said. But you do need to realize that you will have to compromise on something. And if you're not searching yourself, and just expect DH to magically bring something to you that is perfect, then you aren't really seeing what is realistic.

OP here. I am also actively looking. I like the idea of the list.

Are you seeing houses that fit your criteria?

[Anonymous]

What is the list of your non negotiables? What is your budget?

[Anonymous]

Define “flood zone”. Those aren’t particularly common in the DC metro area so repeatedly having a problem is odd.

A busy street is non-negotiable? Thousands of people compromised on this across the region.

It seems he’s willing to negotiate on these issues but you’re not. So you’re “always the bad guy” because these are your issues, not his.