As an Atheist, what do you tell your little kids?

[Anonymous]

I’m an atheist but I want my kids (5 and 2.5) to feel comforted, like there’s something else out there watching over them whenever they’re scared or sad. And I want them to be comforted when someone dies.

I love the idea of heaven, and have told them our dog went to heaven when she died. I’m treating heaven like Santa (which should buy me some time). Instead of praying before bed or a meal, my son and I sometimes list all the things we’re grateful for in this life (health, modern medicine, cookies, toys, our house, family, friends, school, etc).

By way of background, I was raised Catholic - baptized, communion, confirmation, and church every Sunday. My two siblings are also religious. Then there’s me…I could never get into it, thought it was boring and difficult to understand, disliked all of the contradictions and HATED the whole “you’re a sinner and damned if you do/don’t do abc/xyz…go to church, have sex before marriage, are gay, etc). I will admit, however, that when I’ve been in very scary situations, I’ve asked “God” to keep me safe which made me feel better in the moment. My parents told me things would change once I had kids and “I’d come back to the church.” Well, that obviously hasn’t happened. I never baptized my kids, nor do we belong or go to a church. As far as Christianity, I believe Jesus was probably a great guy and/or an excellent politician. I don’t believe in the immaculate conception or any of those other stories (turning water into wine, etc.)). I just can’t deal with all of the BS that goes with Christianity or any other religion.

I love the idea of a “higher-power” - perhaps I can call it an energy? Love the cosmos and science behind it all. So what do you call this? Being spiritual? How do other people handle these situations with kids? Should I call it God, a spirit, energy, or something else?

If you’re an atheist, what do you tell your little kids when you want them to feel like a higher power or energy is watching over them?

[Anonymous]

I do not feel comforted by a god at all. I think if there is one, god is too busy to pay attention to me. And when someone dies I'm either comforted that they're "done" (they were old and finished living) or they're not tortured anymore (eating disorder, addiction, mental illness), or I'm not, but I miss them just the same.

You're trying to decide that not only should your kids believe in a god, but how they should feel about its presence. That's ... a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not feel comforted by a god at all. I think if there is one, god is too busy to pay attention to me. And when someone dies I'm either comforted that they're "done" (they were old and finished living) or they're not tortured anymore (eating disorder, addiction, mental illness), or I'm not, but I miss them just the same.

You're trying to decide that not only should your kids believe in a god, but how they should feel about its presence. That's ... a lot.

Okay, that’s fair, I’m assuming they’d be comforted by the presence of God while they’re little. I figured it’s sort of like Santa?

[Anonymous]

You don’t sound like an atheist, you sound like someone that needs to heal their relationship with their perception of religion.

[Anonymous]

As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t sound like an atheist, you sound like someone that needs to heal their relationship with their perception of religion.

But I don’t believe in super-human powers or an almighty God or Gods. I believe in science without all of the other crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

This is me too. We discuss death with facts, not platitudes or promises of Heaven.

We follow this with emphasis on our values for why it’s important to honor and love those around you NOW in this time. That helping those around us is important because we are privileged, and we aren’t doing it to get into Heaven, it’s because it’s the right thing to do.

OP, you sound agnostic, not atheist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

I mean, that’s what I think for kids once they’re older. But for me, I think (and maybe that’s a me problem) my kids would feel better thinking there’s something else out there…just while they’re really young. Since Christmas just passed, I keep thinking of this like Santa…

[Anonymous]

I have never believed someone was "looking out for me" and never missed it.

Maybe because you were brought up with it that you think your kids need that? They don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

I mean, that’s what I think for kids once they’re older. But for me, I think (and maybe that’s a me problem) my kids would feel better thinking there’s something else out there…just while they’re really young. Since Christmas just passed, I keep thinking of this like Santa…

This sounds like how religion was originally invented.

Caveman parent at bedtime after a long day with naughty kids: "you better be good or else....the magic god in the sky won't like you and won't let you go to the afterlife party......AND if you are really bad you'll go to a bad place when you die."

I can sense the parenting desperation in the religious "rules" around being good & bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never believed someone was "looking out for me" and never missed it.

Maybe because you were brought up with it that you think your kids need that? They don't.

That’s a good point. Perhaps I’m projecting this on to my kids because of how I was brought up.

Interested in hearing more comments/thoughts. Keep them coming!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

I mean, that’s what I think for kids once they’re older. But for me, I think (and maybe that’s a me problem) my kids would feel better thinking there’s something else out there…just while they’re really young. Since Christmas just passed, I keep thinking of this like Santa…

This sounds like how religion was originally invented.

Caveman parent at bedtime after a long day with naughty kids: "you better be good or else....the magic god in the sky won't like you and won't let you go to the afterlife party......AND if you are really bad you'll go to a bad place when you die."

I can sense the parenting desperation in the religious "rules" around being good & bad.

You’re probably right!

[Anonymous]

Life is so beautiful and life is so hard.

I think it’s important for my kids to slowly reckon with the reality that life is struggle and it’s hard and all we can do is figure out how to make the best of it.

To teach them anything else feels like magic to me. Like exactly the same as telling them about Santa.

[Anonymous]

Not an atheist -- I'm Jewish -- but FWIW, I don't generally feel like anyone is out there watching over me, nor have I taught my children that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an atheist, one of my strongest convictions to my children is NOT lying to them about magic sky daddy or having them believe fake things to comfort them. Obviously ymmv, but that was one thing I hated about religion and one thing I was determined not to do to my kids. So I don't really get the point.

This is me too. We discuss death with facts, not platitudes or promises of Heaven.

We follow this with emphasis on our values for why it’s important to honor and love those around you NOW in this time. That helping those around us is important because we are privileged, and we aren’t doing it to get into Heaven, it’s because it’s the right thing to do.

OP, you sound agnostic, not atheist.

FYI you can be an agnostic atheist as those two words have different meanings