DD wants to bring dullard bf for Christmas

[Anonymous]

My brilliant, accomplished daughter has been dating a very dull, unaccomplished man who smothers her with attention and is very clingy. I'm sure she's a good catch for him. He's a rebound boyfriend following her breakup with a very bright but extremely immature boyfriend.
She wants to bring this man to Christmas, but I didn't invite him and don't want him at our family's celebration. Can I tell her this?
Her father and I have said nothing to her about what we think of him (of course), but now she's hinting at getting engaged. They've been dating for eight months.
I have seen this scenario before among my friends and my friends' children. It never ends well. My DD is "in love" so will hear nothing.
Advice?

[Anonymous]

How old are they? You probably have to invite him if she wants to. Why doesn't he want to spend it with his family?

[Anonymous]

If you refuse to have him at Christmas, you’ll push her deeper into the relationship with him. It will be the two of them against you and you’ll give them something to bond over. Your actions will lead to undesirable results.

[Anonymous]

Rebound usually doesn’t last for 8 months

[Anonymous]

I think your daughter should kick you to the curb and spend the holiday with someone worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brilliant, accomplished daughter has been dating a very dull, unaccomplished man who smothers her with attention and is very clingy. I'm sure she's a good catch for him. He's a rebound boyfriend following her breakup with a very bright but extremely immature boyfriend.
She wants to bring this man to Christmas, but I didn't invite him and don't want him at our family's celebration. Can I tell her this?
Her father and I have said nothing to her about what we think of him (of course), but now she's hinting at getting engaged. They've been dating for eight months.
I have seen this scenario before among my friends and my friends' children. It never ends well. My DD is "in love" so will hear nothing.
Advice?

No of course you can’t tell her this, unless you want to make your daughter choose between you and him… and she probably won’t choose you.

[Anonymous]

Please keep us updated on how she freezes you out, slowly but surely, after you overplay your hand and show your ass. I want to be here for every moment of your dissatisfaction and eventual pain.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll. Dullard? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please keep us updated on how she freezes you out, slowly but surely, after you overplay your hand and show your ass. I want to be here for every moment of your dissatisfaction and eventual pain.

Honestly, I want this updated every few years until the OP dies, deservedly alone and forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please keep us updated on how she freezes you out, slowly but surely, after you overplay your hand and show your ass. I want to be here for every moment of your dissatisfaction and eventual pain.

In 10 years OP will be on here complaining about how adult children who don't invite their parents to their Christmas celebration are "jerks."

See folks, this is why that happens. Do you think OP's DD is going to be enthusiastic to invite her judgmental, controlling mother to Christmas holidays with the husband she loves but that her mom refused to include in Christmas because she thinks he's "a dullard" and "unaccomplished"? Nope.

Good luck getting access to those grandkids she has with the "dullard" in a few years, OP.

[Anonymous]

This partnership is your daughter’s choice. She is the one picking the person who will be a good fit for her life partner, not you. Remember you might have different taste in people/life partners, and that’s ok. But trust your daughter, who is an adult, to pick the right person for her. I was in a similar situation where my mom was not supportive of my now spouse, and it’s caused a lot of friction.
My spouse is arguably not as ambitious, career-savvy, etc. but he loves me exactly how I want to be loved, he’s my best friend and advocate, and he champions all of our dreams. We’re a team and it’s a great fit. But very different from my parent’s marriage. At the end of the day, we’re happy and comfortable and that’s what’s important to us.

[Anonymous]

You sound very judgmental.

Sheesh, just let your daughter bring the guy and welcome him.

[Anonymous]

I would invite him and be friendly but make sure she's aware that other men will come along if she doesn't commit to this one and that love bombing is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you refuse to have him at Christmas, you’ll push her deeper into the relationship with him. It will be the two of them against you and you’ll give them something to bond over. Your actions will lead to undesirable results.

+1
Unlike others here, I think you are 100% justified to be repulsed at the idea of a dimwit clinging to your dd. You do have to be accepting and it will dampen the holidays but put on a good face because the alternative is pushing her away. Right now she is blind to how her boyfriend is perceived but give her space to decide on her own.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. No you can’t say anything. She invites him and you are a gracious host. You can secretly hope it blows over. If she is as intelligent self aware and emotionally mature as you say she is, she will make the right choices for herself. I get it OP she has more potential and is more accomplished than the bf. We sat back and let it play out. DD called it quits on her own timeline. And yes we are relieved!