Feel so tired of kids behavior and unappreciated
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Three kids from 9-20 years old. I work a full time job- often even late at night on computer-now I’m trying to pull off usual magic of Christmas / clean house- take care of pets— you know the normal 30 hour a day job—-and this morning im about over the top angry at all three of them.
My daughter rarely helps with her dog- she gets up this AM to work out and leaves the dog for me to take out- all her breakfast food on the counter- peanut butter - honey all sticky lids off. Asks me to turn her car on to heat it up. My 9 year old comes home from neighbor sleepover because church pants he packed too small- talks to me rudely- has tshirt with pants- I tell him to wear a change shirt too and he won’t listen- looks like a goof— asks where the elf is— then runs back to neighbor. My 20 year old was out last night with his friends (home from college) and must have had snack food on counter- not put up- the laundry room looks like a tornado and the dog door wide open. I mean- I got up early to get their advent calendar ready and it’s only 8 am and I’m furious at all three! They do well at school and people think they are great kids—- but at home, I feel like I’m always so aggravated with them- I hate to start the morning yelling at but they don’t help or clean up or do chores. They are all selfish and I’m so sick of it. What should I do??? Is this just normal kids?? I have tried everything to get them to help and do their part- had counselor that told me to just be thankful they are great kids—- but it’s so hard!! |
Anonymous
| Oink |
Anonymous
|
You need to have consequences.
If DD doesn’t take care of the dog, the dog has to go. If food is left on the counter, locks go on the cabinets. 9 year old backtalks - he doesn’t get to go back to the party. Wake the 20 year old up and tell him to clean up his mess. If he can’t be a good housemate, he can go live with friends. Don’t do anything for Christmas except for the 9 year old. The older kids don’t care about any of it |
Anonymous
|
Why do you do all the crap like Elf on the Shelf and custom advent calendars? You don't have to do all the stuff for holiday "magic." I think you set up a dynamic where you are at the service of your kids and they took that for granted and now you are stuck.
I'd reassess what you are doing and then sit them down and explain "look this is on me -- I set things up so you have all these expectations of me and now I realize that this is a bad dynamic. I'm gooing to do less stuff and ask you all to take more responsibility for yourselves BUT I'm also going to make sure I can help you figure out how to be self-sufficient and I'm going to prioritize real quailty time (over me slaving over set pieces for you to enjoy)." They will appreciate your candor and you might even realize that they crave this -- kids WANT to be self-sufficient, they want to take responsiblity for themselves, but they don't always know how or if it's allowed. Don't do elf on the shelf. Just buy one of those chocolate advent calendars from TJs and call it a day. Make a chore chart and follow it. Offer to spend the afternoon WITH your college kid helping him do his laundry and catching up on what's new with him. Plan a family dinner and then say you are making it together and assign tasks. Stop serving your kids and start parenting them. You still might wind up taking your DD's dog out for a walk and putting the peanut butter away but you can change the rest of this dynamic. Your kids are using you but it's largely because that's what you taught them to do. Time to reset. |
Anonymous
|
Stop doing all of the extras. Your kids don’t need an advent calendar. They should all be doing their own laundry at this point.
Are you a single parent? I am so my kid started doing his own stuff early out of necessity. Teach the youngest how to do his laundry. I assume your older two already do theirs. If not, stop doing it. Have a family meeting and talk. |
Anonymous
| That never happens in my house. I’d have woken them up to clean. |
Anonymous
| You let your kids walk all over you, that's your fault. I've never understood spineless parents who then somehow get upset at their kids. You created the problem. |
Anonymous
|
My daughter rarely helps with her dog- she gets up this AM to work out and leaves the dog for me to take out- all her breakfast food on the counter- peanut butter - honey all sticky lids off. Asks me to turn her car on to heat it up. - I hope you did not turn on her car. I hope you refused to let the dog out for her or clean - she has to do both before she leaves. My 9 year old comes home from neighbor sleepover because church pants he packed too small- talks to me rudely- has tshirt with pants- I tell him to wear a change shirt too and he won’t listen- looks like a goof— asks where the elf is— then runs back to neighbor - whatever he is 9 so who cares what he wears but rudeness no allowed. My 20 year old was out last night with his friends (home from college) and must have had snack food on counter- not put up- the laundry room looks like a tornado and the dog door wide open. - they get woken up to clean. I mean- I got up early to get their advent calendar ready and it’s only 8 am and I’m furious at all three! - Don't do this. Or the elf. Don't yell. Be calm. Don't do the extras. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
|
"Get their advent calendar ready"??? What do you even mean? You are taking on way too much and you need some boundaries.
Sit your DD down for a talk. Tell her not cleaning up breakfast is not okay, and enforce it. If she leaves without cleaning, put it in a tray and have her clean it when she gets back. I know it feels dumb to force a confrontation over such a minor thing, but you need to do this to re-set her habits and teach her how to be a courteous adult. Do not start her car! Time for her to grow up and endure the awful, awful agony of being slightly cold for 2 minutes. As for your son, wake him up to clean. As for the dog, do you actually want a dog? Because it seems like your children do not. Wanting a dog means caring for a dog and if your family won't do that, the dog is better off elsewhere. |
Anonymous
| Your 9 year old should not be allowed to be rude. Why did you let him go back to the neighbor? If he is rude, make him stay home. You need to grow a spine. I'm sorry but a lot of this situation is due to you not parenting assertively. |
Anonymous
You created the problem for not making your kids accountable for things they do. Wake your son, get up to clean the mess, have your dd come home and take care of the dog, and the 9 year old stays home for being rude. Not everything needs to be complicated unless you like it that way, so it gives you something to complain about, which falls on deaf ears since you created the problem. |
Anonymous
| Eh, my kids are rude at times too. I love being a mom and doing things for them- within reason- and I know this won’t last forever. I try to correct here and there and I do talk to them about respect and helping family, and I do see good behavior at times. They are both at very stressful places in life so I give them grace. |
Anonymous
| Your kids are normal. I always laugh at the people who love to run to post on these sorts of threads, claiming ‘my kids would NEVER blah blah’. Sorry, but they’re lying or delusional |
Anonymous
| Have your daughter clean up her breakfast mess when she gets home and don't turn on her car for her. Tell her she will be fined the cost of a dog walker every single time she doesn't walk her dog by 8am (or whatever time the dog gets walked in the morning). |