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[quote=Anonymous]Why do you do all the crap like Elf on the Shelf and custom advent calendars? You don't have to do all the stuff for holiday "magic." I think you set up a dynamic where you are at the service of your kids and they took that for granted and now you are stuck.

I'd reassess what you are doing and then sit them down and explain "look this is on me -- I set things up so you have all these expectations of me and now I realize that this is a bad dynamic. I'm gooing to do less stuff and ask you all to take more responsibility for yourselves BUT I'm also going to make sure I can help you figure out how to be self-sufficient and I'm going to prioritize real quailty time (over me slaving over set pieces for you to enjoy)." They will appreciate your candor and you might even realize that they crave this -- kids WANT to be self-sufficient, they want to take responsiblity for themselves, but they don't always know how or if it's allowed.

Don't do elf on the shelf. Just buy one of those chocolate advent calendars from TJs and call it a day. Make a chore chart and follow it. Offer to spend the afternoon WITH your college kid helping him do his laundry and catching up on what's new with him. Plan a family dinner and then say you are making it together and assign tasks. Stop serving your kids and start parenting them.

You still might wind up taking your DD's dog out for a walk and putting the peanut butter away but you can change the rest of this dynamic. Your kids are using you but it's largely because that's what you taught them to do. Time to reset.[/quote]

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