Team Dynamics
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Anonymous
| As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me? |
Anonymous
| At U15 now, my DD has yet to be on a team without a core bullying clique. And it’s not even the girls’ fault—parents teach the behavior. The elitism and nastiness in soccer is horrible. If I were a coach, I would bench the mean girls. I would lose games maybe, and maybe they would switch clubs… ok! Agree that being a great teammate and human matters so much more. |
Anonymous
This is such a real problem! Finally found a team where the girls are nice and it’s made my DD like soccer again. |
Anonymous
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Totally agree! Everyone has lost sight of why we signed our kids up for a team sport in the first place. Fun, teamwork and self-confidence...
Now it seems like we're spending a lot of time/money to put them in a cut-throat environment that is a negative to their mental health and self-confidence. |
Anonymous
OP- this is exactly it. I feel that my DC is playing well, playing at the highest level available, but...is losing self-worth, confidence, and I see the shut down mentally and emotionally because of favoritism and biased BS that should not be like this. I want my kid to be a team player, learn from coaches, receive constructive criticism and learn how to overcome challenges, because we all know life is not fair. But this is exhausting. They have the rest of their lives to work and be in a cut throat environment where everyone is out for themselves. I hate that it has come to this before it needs too. |
Anonymous
Six years into this, I initially didn't have throwing them in a pit of vipers year-round in the cards either but here we are. Just trying make the best of and hoping for the best. |
Anonymous
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I am a team manager and I have to remind parents not to criticize other players infront of their own kids. When that happens, the kids become critical of each other. It's a terrible habit.
It most certainly all stems from poor parenting behaviors. I have to ensure we have enough social activities for all the kids, so they don't form cliques. But the parents are way too invested in it these days. It's a far cry from the 80's when all parents just dropped off the kids at practice, they never stayed and only came to the games. I think my own dad only ever watched 2 games my whole life! I had a ton of fun playing soccer as my own parents never got into my business or put pressure on me. I enjoyed it so much, I still play for fun as an adult. That would be the best outcome for most children. |
Anonymous
Not just you. There are a lot of entitled a$$h0les around here. |
Anonymous
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If you see the posts by some of the parents on this forum, you know why the kids are they way they are.
Only on DC soccer forums are 12 year old's shamed and ridiculed by adults LOL. It is insane. |
Anonymous
| I've basically never seen a real clique on my DC's team. Yes, a few kids might prefer passing to each other, but there is never bullying or any dynamic like it. |
Anonymous
That's fair. I mean I prefer a lot of things. I also know that with 10 field players...passing to my perfered partner/player may not always be in the best intrest for the other 9 people involved. I get comfortablity of playing with people we like...but I can't just ignore or treat people I do not prefer in a differnet way. I guess you can and I love that for you. |
Anonymous
| DD (now U15) has been on a team since u10 that is amazing - because they are kind to each other AND very good. It's attracted all sorts of extremely talented players from other clubs who can't stand the culture -- and in doing so helped to increase the level of the team. It's now a team that punches way above its weight because of a great coach and kids and parents who refuse to put up with bullying. |
Anonymous
This. OP, it's not just you. We've mostly been lucky team-wise. I will be friendly with all parents but keep my distance from the ones who seem most into it. |
Anonymous
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At least the boys team dynamics chill out as they get into high school. We found for boys up until about U15 or so it was just like described. U16 a little reality sets in. By U17/18 it becomes clear if you want a good academic school you are going to need to get in on academic merit. Men’s rosters are stuffed from the transfer portal and 5th years and Internationals and direct mls academy or usl players.
I found it really nice the last 2 years of HS on my kids MLSNext team. Parents chill. Kids about the team. Became more merit based too. I can see since girls really have something at stake- top teams really commit pretty much the entire starting line up it could be very different. |
Anonymous
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Our last team manager was great. She genuinely cared about the players, family and coach. She fostered cohesion among the players to create a sense of unity, trust and collaboration. The boys were friends on and off the fields.
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