Team Dynamics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our last team manager was great. She genuinely cared about the players, family and coach. She fostered cohesion among the players to create a sense of unity, trust and collaboration. The boys were friends on and off the fields.

totally starts from the coach. Tone from the top is key - and I wish more coaches realized this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our last team manager was great. She genuinely cared about the players, family and coach. She fostered cohesion among the players to create a sense of unity, trust and collaboration. The boys were friends on and off the fields.

totally starts from the coach. Tone from the top is key - and I wish more coaches realized this.

Absolutely. Coaches aren't oblivious to this behavior, they just choose often to not address it for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a team manager and I have to remind parents not to criticize other players infront of their own kids. When that happens, the kids become critical of each other. It's a terrible habit.

It most certainly all stems from poor parenting behaviors. I have to ensure we have enough social activities for all the kids, so they don't form cliques.

But the parents are way too invested in it these days. It's a far cry from the 80's when all parents just dropped off the kids at practice, they never stayed and only came to the games. I think my own dad only ever watched 2 games my whole life! I had a ton of fun playing soccer as my own parents never got into my business or put pressure on me. I enjoyed it so much, I still play for fun as an adult. That would be the best outcome for most children.

Wait... I know we all helicopter. But do you mean that all your parents are watching every practice and/or criticizing their kids during it??? That's beyond even for 2024.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me?

+100 I feel every word of this post.

[Anonymous]

We left a very competitive club and team. It was the parents who ruined it for everyone. There was one family who always talked about the players on our team, what they could have done better, what position is better suited for that other player, or how we could have one if blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Interesting topic.

We had a situation last year for our DC that made the season not nearly as enjoyable as it should have been.

The team was coming off a very nice prior season and met some adversity to start the year - meaning L's. The team added a couple of new players and the entire club was moving to implement a similar philosophy as far as their formation, type of play. This took some adjusting and parents weren't having it which led to talk with their DCs which led to discontent on the team.

My DC was a team leader and was actually being pushed by others on the team to meet with the coach to tell them that the formation should be changed back to the prior year and players should be moved to certain positions!

Lots of griping amongst the parents about playing time and the coach. Really frustrating for us and our DC. Even led to a parent only meeting with the club tech. director to set to the group straight.

Now, a new coach is in this year and it's all roses - part of the reason is that there aren't many L's and more W's, even though the formation is the same, players are playing in similar positions to last year, etc. Funny how that works.

Sometimes, there's just too much drama and you just want your DC to be able to play and enjoy it for what it is...

[Anonymous]

+1 to the PPs who said it starts with the Coach. That is it, the Coach can stop this or ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a team manager and I have to remind parents not to criticize other players infront of their own kids. When that happens, the kids become critical of each other. It's a terrible habit.

It most certainly all stems from poor parenting behaviors. I have to ensure we have enough social activities for all the kids, so they don't form cliques.

But the parents are way too invested in it these days. It's a far cry from the 80's when all parents just dropped off the kids at practice, they never stayed and only came to the games. I think my own dad only ever watched 2 games my whole life! I had a ton of fun playing soccer as my own parents never got into my business or put pressure on me. I enjoyed it so much, I still play for fun as an adult. That would be the best outcome for most children.

Wait... I know we all helicopter. But do you mean that all your parents are watching every practice and/or criticizing their kids during it??? That's beyond even for 2024.

From U9-U11, a lot of parents do stay and watch and are verbally critical, its a sh$t show. In recognition, the coach has said practice is a good time to go run errands for parent and sideline coaching will not be tolerated. But still, some parents do quietly criticize other players to their own kids. Kids will say it on the field at practice to other kids. It's a bad look. One other player told my kid this: "My dad said I shouldn't play like you because of X Y and Z." The amusing thing was, that family who gossiped and criticized quit travel the next year!

--Overly involved parents can often be the source of poor team dynamics. The OP brings up a good point. If you haven't shared the sideline project with your team and you think it could help, feel free to share this: https://thesidelineproject.com/take-pledge/#/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me?

I had to pull my kid from a situation this year because the team manager didnt think it was fair that my kid was so good. They wanted me to tell the coach to bench my kid so other kids could have a chance playing his position. There was even a fight at a game bacause someones dad didnt think it was fair my kid was a "superstar" and other kids needed a chance.

Just move on there are greener pastures its not worth dealing with trash people. Life is too short. My solution was changing leagues and moving my son up a year. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me?

I had to pull my kid from a situation this year because the team manager didnt think it was fair that my kid was so good. They wanted me to tell the coach to bench my kid so other kids could have a chance playing his position. There was even a fight at a game bacause someones dad didnt think it was fair my kid was a "superstar" and other kids needed a chance.

Just move on there are greener pastures its not worth dealing with trash people. Life is too short. My solution was changing leagues and moving my son up a year. Problem solved.

Humble brag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a team manager and I have to remind parents not to criticize other players infront of their own kids. When that happens, the kids become critical of each other. It's a terrible habit.

It most certainly all stems from poor parenting behaviors. I have to ensure we have enough social activities for all the kids, so they don't form cliques.

But the parents are way too invested in it these days. It's a far cry from the 80's when all parents just dropped off the kids at practice, they never stayed and only came to the games. I think my own dad only ever watched 2 games my whole life! I had a ton of fun playing soccer as my own parents never got into my business or put pressure on me. I enjoyed it so much, I still play for fun as an adult. That would be the best outcome for most children.

Wait... I know we all helicopter. But do you mean that all your parents are watching every practice and/or criticizing their kids during it??? That's beyond even for 2024.

From U9-U11, a lot of parents do stay and watch and are verbally critical, its a sh$t show. In recognition, the coach has said practice is a good time to go run errands for parent and sideline coaching will not be tolerated. But still, some parents do quietly criticize other players to their own kids. Kids will say it on the field at practice to other kids. It's a bad look. One other player told my kid this: "My dad said I shouldn't play like you because of X Y and Z." The amusing thing was, that family who gossiped and criticized quit travel the next year!

--Overly involved parents can often be the source of poor team dynamics. The OP brings up a good point. If you haven't shared the sideline project with your team and you think it could help, feel free to share this: https://thesidelineproject.com/take-pledge/#/

Daaaamn. DD is U15 now, but I can count on one hand the number of practices I watched, except maybe if I showed up early and they were finishing up scrimmaging.Pretty sure other parents were the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me?

I had to pull my kid from a situation this year because the team manager didnt think it was fair that my kid was so good. They wanted me to tell the coach to bench my kid so other kids could have a chance playing his position. There was even a fight at a game bacause someones dad didnt think it was fair my kid was a "superstar" and other kids needed a chance.

Just move on there are greener pastures its not worth dealing with trash people. Life is too short. My solution was changing leagues and moving my son up a year. Problem solved.

Humble brag

I missed the humble part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many are wrapping up or starting their season, it is eye-opening to see how a few families and players can affect the teams overall dynamic. I understand the cut throat world of competitive soccer; however, what happened to the fun – of any of this. I love competition as much as the next person and think healthy competition is good for all. Now it’s all roster sizes, playing time, playoffs, USNT call ups/invites, what college your DC has committed too…parents are bitter, callous and just mean. I want what is best for my DC but I want them to be a better human. Maybe that’s just me?

I had to pull my kid from a situation this year because the team manager didnt think it was fair that my kid was so good. They wanted me to tell the coach to bench my kid so other kids could have a chance playing his position. There was even a fight at a game bacause someones dad didnt think it was fair my kid was a "superstar" and other kids needed a chance.

Just move on there are greener pastures its not worth dealing with trash people. Life is too short. My solution was changing leagues and moving my son up a year. Problem solved.

Humble brag

I missed the humble part.

Plus the reference to "trash people" really helped make the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (now U15) has been on a team since u10 that is amazing - because they are kind to each other AND very good. It's attracted all sorts of extremely talented players from other clubs who can't stand the culture -- and in doing so helped to increase the level of the team. It's now a team that punches way above its weight because of a great coach and kids and parents who refuse to put up with bullying.

In DMV? Care to share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a team manager and I have to remind parents not to criticize other players infront of their own kids. When that happens, the kids become critical of each other. It's a terrible habit.

It most certainly all stems from poor parenting behaviors. I have to ensure we have enough social activities for all the kids, so they don't form cliques.

But the parents are way too invested in it these days. It's a far cry from the 80's when all parents just dropped off the kids at practice, they never stayed and only came to the games. I think my own dad only ever watched 2 games my whole life! I had a ton of fun playing soccer as my own parents never got into my business or put pressure on me. I enjoyed it so much, I still play for fun as an adult. That would be the best outcome for most children.

Wait... I know we all helicopter. But do you mean that all your parents are watching every practice and/or criticizing their kids during it??? That's beyond even for 2024.

From U9-U11, a lot of parents do stay and watch and are verbally critical, its a sh$t show. In recognition, the coach has said practice is a good time to go run errands for parent and sideline coaching will not be tolerated. But still, some parents do quietly criticize other players to their own kids. Kids will say it on the field at practice to other kids. It's a bad look. One other player told my kid this: "My dad said I shouldn't play like you because of X Y and Z." The amusing thing was, that family who gossiped and criticized quit travel the next year!

--Overly involved parents can often be the source of poor team dynamics. The OP brings up a good point. If you haven't shared the sideline project with your team and you think it could help, feel free to share this: https://thesidelineproject.com/take-pledge/#/

I watch every practice because I love watching my child grow. Are you the parent that dumps the kid off to play on the internet in the car for 90 minutes?