DD texting random guys she "met" on tiktok
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Anonymous
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DD 15 has been a bit moody lately and I decided to check her phone. I saw some texts from 2 males names and an unsaved number. The conversations were her sending pictures(nothing explicit) and he stating that she was 15, her name and she lives in DC. These guys did not send her pics or really divulge much info. I also saw a text between her and a friend making plans, and she replied to her friend, "I'll ask my mom, but I may not be able to go if she's being a b*".
Obviously, I'm extremely upset with her behavior and we have talked with her and explained that these guys online may not be who they say they are. We've discussed trafficking, etc. My dad pays for her phone and wants to take it out of her possession, but she has activities and often watches her younger brother, so she can't be without a phone. In regards to the slur, we explained that it isn't acceptable and you never use that term. We belive that she honestly just wants to fit in with the kids at school. One of her friends got a boyfriend this year and DD is not really the popular type. Moreso, an average student and average at sports and is upset that she hasn't been recognized for these things. We have told her that she needs to put more effort in at school and sports, if she wants this. She does want to go to college and we have told her that she needs to do these things to get to the next step. I'm at my wits end. What else can I do? |
Anonymous
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She can absolutely be without a phone. Please stop with the excuses. So what if she misses some activities. Find someone else to watch the brother.
Stop being spineless. She needs a consequence that makes it clear that this behavior is unacceptable. |
Anonymous
| If you're not willing to take the phone away then you make it clear you will be checking it every day - and follow through. Remove tiktok - she shouldn't have it anyway. No texting with anyone she hasn't met in real life and reiterate no meeting up with anyone from online. You need to regain control over her phone. Its your phone she's using - not her phone. I wouldn't due much more about the b-word. Honestly, I'm shocked how much kids swear in their texting. But if she knows you're reading her texts this problem will solve itself. |
Anonymous
+1. Your dad is right. What about her dad - what does he say? Agree with PP that you, OP, are being spineless and are asking for some serious trouble if you don't get this under control. |
Anonymous
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Shut it down and take it very seriously. This was the beginning of a nightmare spiral with my DS. One thing I wish I had done differently was not just deal in consequences and treatment, but resurrecting healthy relationships and influences. COVID was an obstacle but I wonder if we would have had a better outcome if I’d placed an equal weight on that.
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Anonymous
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If you’re really serious , you can get her what my 11 year old has which is a Bark phone with no app access that can only text numbers YOU approve and sends you the chat logs. It also tracks their location at all times and will prompt checkins if you push the button to request one. She can still babysit and do activities with that without putting herself at this massive risk.
How active are you with her day to day? Be realistic. Your daughter is going down a really risky path- are you actively involved in her life? Is she taking on too much around the house with her siblings and you’re busy working? She sounds like she’s desperate for attention and that’s a dangerous place for a girl her age to be. |
Anonymous
This - an alternative is to lock down her phone. Remove all apps, change the password on her phone to something only you know so that she cannot approve any app downloads herself. |
Anonymous
| This is nuts . |
Anonymous
| When this happened with my son, we got him a Bark phone. He wasnt happy but it was clear he couldn't be trusted to use it maturely and that he was also too trusting of others. |
Anonymous
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The majority of men who contact girls on social media are predators, OP. At best, they will want naked pics. At worse, they will want to meet her in person. But the savvier ones are very good at taking it slow and gaining children's trust.
So you need to act. Take away her phone or take control of it so you delete her social media and messaging services and can't install them again. Check her messages every day. And explain, and reexplain, and never be tired of reexplaining, all the dangers of teens lured by predators. This one is textbook. |
Anonymous
| Could be Nigerian scammers |
Anonymous
| Why does your father pay for your daughter's phone? |
Anonymous
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She's already at step 2-3.
https://childrescuecoalition.org/educations/investigator-shares-6-steps-predators-take-to-groom-kids-online/ |
Anonymous
| Play here the song desperado |
Anonymous
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I have a daughter and went through something similar. Pls don’t feel like you are the only one going through this. At a minimum, she turns the phone in a 8 pm every night and you check it. I went with support through this time, we had long discussions about what these people are actually doing, real, honest, ugly discussions and I can’t say it was immediately impactful. Their brain and decision making just isn’t formed at this point.
We had to get our child to a healthy point in life. She was struggling with some stuff academically and socially and we had to make some drastic changes to support her, I do feel like there are underlying factors but the last thing you want to do, IMO, is have a greater divide between the two of you. You can absolutely take the phone away but it has to be calmly, factually and based on support, if not, I would be afraid she will go farther down an unhealthy path. Keep her busy with the right things, stay calm and take it one day at a time. |