Awful HS Counselor, anyone else?

[Anonymous]

DC was near tears recounting how awful her HS counselor was when providing comments on her supplementals. He told her that it was a good thing that she was not pushy like her mom, discouraged her to apply to competitive schools even though she had good stats, and was negative overall. Kind of nervous about counselor's recommendation letter now. Counselor had been pretty positive before but probably was having a bad week (not excusing his unprofessional behavior).

This was the same counselor who had griped earlier to DC blaming the end of affirmative action on "Chinese" people complaining about discrimination when there was none.

How do I handle this, anyone with similar experiences?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

[Anonymous]

your counselor reads sups?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC was near tears recounting how awful her HS counselor was when providing comments on her supplementals. He told her that it was a good thing that she was not pushy like her mom, discouraged her to apply to competitive schools even though she had good stats, and was negative overall. Kind of nervous about counselor's recommendation letter now. Counselor had been pretty positive before but probably was having a bad week (not excusing his unprofessional behavior).

This was the same counselor who had griped earlier to DC blaming the end of affirmative action on "Chinese" people complaining about discrimination when there was none.

How do I handle this, anyone with similar experiences?

this is not acceptable

[Anonymous]

things that didn’t happen for $500.

You believe a stressed teenager’s recall of a conversation is perfect? Please. You have no idea what this counselor actually said. Call them. I bet the conversation was totally different.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry. meant to bold blaming end of AA on Chinese people

[Anonymous]

Bored students are posting again, trying to stir up drama.

[Anonymous]

Most public school counselors are useless except for the required recommendations which are basically a form letter. You do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation. Loose cannon people are so risky.

You are in a dilemma which doesn't have easy answers.

First goal is to build up your daughter's morale. You need to help her shore up her courage. Of course she should apply to reach schools even if the chance is low. Few people get everything they want, but like the cliche says, "You miss all the shots you don't take". Don't let her take any schools off her list due to this guy. Maybe it would help to review what the counselor's form says together (what rating criteria it has). Try to figure out where the bias might come in, and if you can offset it by your daughter supplying additional evidence (e.g. updating the school "brag sheet" on file, etc.)

2) Mom, you should not contact or deal with the counselor since the counselor has expressed dislike for you. That's just practical. It's not fair, but you want to reduce the jerk's irritation level to get what you want.

3) Realize the counselor's rec probably doesn't matter a lot for most kids. I saw my career counselor for 15 mins twice during my high school years. I had a plan (which was stupid) and she didn't try to offer any alternatives because I had a plan. My kid's counselor was a paperwork ordertaker. He never received any counseling from her either. I think it's more normal than not for counselors to know very little about the kids they prep letters for.

3) The nuclear option. Which I don't recommend. Call the principal, explain the situation and ask for a new counselor. This could be the more morally correct position, but politically it could backfire. I suggest that you contact the principal after your daughter graduates and share concerns verbally.

4) Keep in mind that transferring is a possibility, even to some Ivies. There are always alternate paths to reach a desired goal. We just don't discuss them very often. Knowing that few doors are permanently closed is part of having the courage to ignore naysayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:things that didn’t happen for $500.

You believe a stressed teenager’s recall of a conversation is perfect? Please. You have no idea what this counselor actually said. Call them. I bet the conversation was totally different.

You seem to associate with kids who have poor recall.

It really isn't all of them.

Sorry for you, must be tough to parent ones like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:things that didn’t happen for $500.

You believe a stressed teenager’s recall of a conversation is perfect? Please. You have no idea what this counselor actually said. Call them. I bet the conversation was totally different.

You seem to associate with kids who have poor recall.

It really isn't all of them.

Sorry for you, must be tough to parent ones like that

I took the comment to mean, there is Person A's interpretation of the conversation, Person B's interpretation and then there is the truth. There is a lot of context missing for anyone to provide informed advice. Where does the 'pushy' sentiment come from? Has the student had this counselor for 3 months? A year? 3 years? Why the discouragement for reach apps? What was said about the sups that lead to tears?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.