Awful HS Counselor, anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

x1000. It's like a doctor telling a patient "I don't like you". It violates social norms and may interfere with the job effectiveness.

[Anonymous]

Where do you attend that you have this much contact with a counselor?

We barely had a meeting. Useless info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough situation. Loose cannon people are so risky.

You are in a dilemma which doesn't have easy answers.

First goal is to build up your daughter's morale. You need to help her shore up her courage. Of course she should apply to reach schools even if the chance is low. Few people get everything they want, but like the cliche says, "You miss all the shots you don't take". Don't let her take any schools off her list due to this guy. Maybe it would help to review what the counselor's form says together (what rating criteria it has). Try to figure out where the bias might come in, and if you can offset it by your daughter supplying additional evidence (e.g. updating the school "brag sheet" on file, etc.)

2) Mom, you should not contact or deal with the counselor since the counselor has expressed dislike for you. That's just practical. It's not fair, but you want to reduce the jerk's irritation level to get what you want.

3) Realize the counselor's rec probably doesn't matter a lot for most kids. I saw my career counselor for 15 mins twice during my high school years. I had a plan (which was stupid) and she didn't try to offer any alternatives because I had a plan. My kid's counselor was a paperwork ordertaker. He never received any counseling from her either. I think it's more normal than not for counselors to know very little about the kids they prep letters for.

3) The nuclear option. Which I don't recommend. Call the principal, explain the situation and ask for a new counselor. This could be the more morally correct position, but politically it could backfire. I suggest that you contact the principal after your daughter graduates and share concerns verbally.

4) Keep in mind that transferring is a possibility, even to some Ivies. There are always alternate paths to reach a desired goal. We just don't discuss them very often. Knowing that few doors are permanently closed is part of having the courage to ignore naysayers.

This is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough situation. Loose cannon people are so risky.

You are in a dilemma which doesn't have easy answers.

First goal is to build up your daughter's morale. You need to help her shore up her courage. Of course she should apply to reach schools even if the chance is low. Few people get everything they want, but like the cliche says, "You miss all the shots you don't take". Don't let her take any schools off her list due to this guy. Maybe it would help to review what the counselor's form says together (what rating criteria it has). Try to figure out where the bias might come in, and if you can offset it by your daughter supplying additional evidence (e.g. updating the school "brag sheet" on file, etc.)

2) Mom, you should not contact or deal with the counselor since the counselor has expressed dislike for you. That's just practical. It's not fair, but you want to reduce the jerk's irritation level to get what you want.

3) Realize the counselor's rec probably doesn't matter a lot for most kids. I saw my career counselor for 15 mins twice during my high school years. I had a plan (which was stupid) and she didn't try to offer any alternatives because I had a plan. My kid's counselor was a paperwork ordertaker. He never received any counseling from her either. I think it's more normal than not for counselors to know very little about the kids they prep letters for.

3) The nuclear option. Which I don't recommend. Call the principal, explain the situation and ask for a new counselor. This could be the more morally correct position, but politically it could backfire. I suggest that you contact the principal after your daughter graduates and share concerns verbally.

4) Keep in mind that transferring is a possibility, even to some Ivies. There are always alternate paths to reach a desired goal. We just don't discuss them very often. Knowing that few doors are permanently closed is part of having the courage to ignore naysayers.

+1 this is excellent advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

If a colleague called another colleague pushy at work, that would be inappropriate.
This is worse. Counselor needs to work with the child only and not make reference to the parents. The only exception I see is if the parent is "pushing" the child to attend schools the kid doesn't want to attend at all. Even in that situation, it's not the counselor's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

“Pushy” is a nice way of saying “your mom is a pain in the a$$” and the kid knows it. It’s not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

This never happened.

Every weekend, someone posts a thread that gets people worked up. Stop falling for it. Don’t take the bait.

[Anonymous]

The counselor is a racist and needs to be fired.

[Anonymous]

This stinks, but imo now is not the time to wage a battle with the school about it. Wouldn't take the chance that it could backfire on your DD during this important time. Save that for the end of the year if you wish.

Our son had a terrible college counselor. By June prior to his senior year he knew it. At that point, he chose not to seek out any time with or advice from the counselor but was polite in any interactions they had. He wisely ignored the counselor's advice, and fortunately had excellent results with his applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

If a colleague called another colleague pushy at work, that would be inappropriate.
This is worse. Counselor needs to work with the child only and not make reference to the parents. The only exception I see is if the parent is "pushing" the child to attend schools the kid doesn't want to attend at all. Even in that situation, it's not the counselor's business.

Have you ever had a job? It really does not sound like you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This stinks, but imo now is not the time to wage a battle with the school about it. Wouldn't take the chance that it could backfire on your DD during this important time. Save that for the end of the year if you wish.

Our son had a terrible college counselor. By June prior to his senior year he knew it. At that point, he chose not to seek out any time with or advice from the counselor but was polite in any interactions they had. He wisely ignored the counselor's advice, and fortunately had excellent results with his applications.

this is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Parents should not be heavily engaged in meddling kids' college application process. The kids should have autonomy in selecting schools that are a good fit. The process is carried out by discussion between the kids and their counselor. You are not helping your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

If a colleague called another colleague pushy at work, that would be inappropriate.
This is worse. Counselor needs to work with the child only and not make reference to the parents. The only exception I see is if the parent is "pushing" the child to attend schools the kid doesn't want to attend at all. Even in that situation, it's not the counselor's business.

Have you ever had a job? It really does not sound like you have.

PP. Yes. 3 decades worth. That kind of comment can be traded between (work) friends but it isn't appropriate. Labelling people is usually rude and can be risky. What's the rudest thing you've said to your boss or to a co-worker in public? Maybe you work somewhere where people verbally attack each other all the time. Doesn't make it normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you’ve done quite enough already. Poor kid.

This.

that's not an "awful" counselor in the slightest, he actually had a meeting with your kid, which is more than most.

No adult employed by a school should tell a student their parent is too pushy. They can think it, they can say it to the parent if they like, but it’s not ok to say that to the child.

No one in authority over where students end up for college should have views that blame “Chinese” for the end of affirmative action.

This guy is awful.

'

Why can't they say this? Because they're only there to "serve you"?? Total entitled response from the OP and you. Unbelievable.

Because it’s not appropriate for an adult to denigrate a parent to the child. Keep it between the adults. The student has no power to defend their parent (power imbalance from a perspective of age and authority, especially if that person controls a significant part of their ability to get into college). The student then fears that the adult will take out their frustrations with the parent on the child, but can’t do anything about it - huge loss of trust and confidence.

The school employee needs to keep it to themself, complain to other school employees, or take it up with the parent, NOT with the student. It is inappropriate and unprofessional.

Saying a parent is "pushy" is hardly denigrating. You're too precious.

If a colleague called another colleague pushy at work, that would be inappropriate.
This is worse. Counselor needs to work with the child only and not make reference to the parents. The only exception I see is if the parent is "pushing" the child to attend schools the kid doesn't want to attend at all. Even in that situation, it's not the counselor's business.

Have you ever had a job? It really does not sound like you have.

PP. Yes. 3 decades worth. That kind of comment can be traded between (work) friends but it isn't appropriate. Labelling people is usually rude and can be risky. What's the rudest thing you've said to your boss or to a co-worker in public? Maybe you work somewhere where people verbally attack each other all the time. Doesn't make it normal.

There's a line. Saying someone's mother is pushy is not crossing that line. Saying she's a f-king B would be.