If you are the parent of a Big 3 lifer

[Anonymous]

As we consider private schools for our 3 young kids, we are considering several options including the so-called Big 3 or Big 5.

One thing I’m getting caught up on is the fact we don’t yet really know what type of learners they will be. Posters in this forum sometimes suggest that Sidwell (for example) is only a good fit for a certain type of high achieving student. But obviously every child that is admitted at age 5 does not end up being a high achieving student. I know some students are counseled out. And some others stick with it and are unhappy. But I assume others have a positive experience even if they aren’t at the top of their class. I also assume that these schools support their student’s incremental growth so that they’re generally well positioned for success when they reach high school.

If you sent your child to a big 3/5 school starting at a young age, would you do it again? What’s been your experience as the years have gone by and you’ve gotten a better sense of your child as a learner? Are you glad you started at one of these schools or do you wish you’d started elsewhere? Do you believe the rigor of these schools helped shape them positively or negatively?

I am specifically interested in the experiences of parents whose kids have attended these schools, as opposed to the perspectives of those who chose not to pursue this path. (We are also considering the K-8 route and I have a good sense of the arguments for why this approach can address my questions above. No need to repeat them here, unless you are a parent of a child at a Big 3/5 and wish you’d gone the K-6/8 route instead.)

Thanks for your input!

[Anonymous]

So, I'm the parent of 2 kids, one of whom is entering a Big 3 this fall in 9th.

My kids were at another school that goes through 12th grade. By 8th it was clear it was a great fit for my oldest, and a few years later, it was clear that it wasn't a perfect fit for my youngest, so he's moving.

My point is that picking a K-8th because you'll be able to move for 9th doesn't make a lot of sense, because you'll be able to move anyway. Pick the K-8th if you love the K-8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As we consider private schools for our 3 young kids, we are considering several options including the so-called Big 3 or Big 5.

One thing I’m getting caught up on is the fact we don’t yet really know what type of learners they will be. Posters in this forum sometimes suggest that Sidwell (for example) is only a good fit for a certain type of high achieving student. But obviously every child that is admitted at age 5 does not end up being a high achieving student. I know some students are counseled out. And some others stick with it and are unhappy. But I assume others have a positive experience even if they aren’t at the top of their class. I also assume that these schools support their student’s incremental growth so that they’re generally well positioned for success when they reach high school.

If you sent your child to a big 3/5 school starting at a young age, would you do it again? What’s been your experience as the years have gone by and you’ve gotten a better sense of your child as a learner? Are you glad you started at one of these schools or do you wish you’d started elsewhere? Do you believe the rigor of these schools helped shape them positively or negatively?

I am specifically interested in the experiences of parents whose kids have attended these schools, as opposed to the perspectives of those who chose not to pursue this path. (We are also considering the K-8 route and I have a good sense of the arguments for why this approach can address my questions above. No need to repeat them here, unless you are a parent of a child at a Big 3/5 and wish you’d gone the K-6/8 route instead.)

Thanks for your input!

Go for it, OP! Put your young children where you think is best and if it doesn't work for all three at that particular school, one or two can transfer later on. Happens all the time and meanwhile, they will be getting a great education and making great memories together.

[Anonymous]

OP - if your children are accepted into the Big 3/5 and you like it - go ahead. As first PP said, you can move later if it's not a fit.

I'd just say that you should be very honest with yourself as time marches on (and teach your kids to be too) on whether it's a good fit. I can imagine that it might be hard to leave when/if that time comes - sometimes just to leave friends, but sometimes feeling like a failure (not saying that they are failures but it can be a common feeling).

It can also be hard to leave given the environment. Some families at Big3/Big5 really wear their children's attendance as a badge of honor and I found they tend to be even more effusive about it when their kids started at younger ages. Some are coy about it and gush how lucky they are to have been admitted early because they don't know if they ever would have gotten in later. In that sort of environment, while everyone is self congratulating themselves and feeling so blessed - it can make it hard to leave (why leave something so great) and sometimes feel like leave is being labeled as not being able to cut it regardless of why the move was made.

Of course, not all families are drunk on Koolaid, but sadly, that group is not particularly small either.

As you say, you can't really know in advance.

[Anonymous]

It's no secret that applying earlier increases your child's chance of admission (while unfortunately still not guaranteeing it). As earlier posters have said, leaving is always an option. People leave for all sorts of reasons (moves, kid is struggling, etc.) and it's no big deal.

I'll tell you this, I chose to send my kids to one of the notorious big3 from PK not because I was positive they'd love it all the way through - but because I wanted it to be an option for them in the event that it was a good fit. And while we've only experienced to middle school thus far, my two very different kids are both living their best lives there. If either starts to struggle and it seems like it's not the place, I will support them moving somewhere else and I suspect they will have more options than many of their k-8 peers as a result of where they attend now.

[Anonymous]

We're at a K-8 and looking at HS for next year. We knew that K-12 would provide a lot of certainty and who doesn't want that? While I can't fully endorse the K-8 model yet as I want to see high school application process goes, what I do know is that my 5 year-old kid is much different than my 13 year-old kid. I really feel like we are going to pick the right school for our kid at this point in time, not the one we thought would be the best back then. The K-8 model has been great throughout. DCs have been thriving socially and academically. I'll come back in March and let you know our final verdict on K-8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're at a K-8 and looking at HS for next year. We knew that K-12 would provide a lot of certainty and who doesn't want that? While I can't fully endorse the K-8 model yet as I want to see high school application process goes, what I do know is that my 5 year-old kid is much different than my 13 year-old kid. I really feel like we are going to pick the right school for our kid at this point in time, not the one we thought would be the best back then. The K-8 model has been great throughout. DCs have been thriving socially and academically. I'll come back in March and let you know our final verdict on K-8.

And yet...OP specifically said she wasn't interested in this perspective. That said, best of luck to your kid in this process. I hated it so much as a kid that I chose PK-12 just so that they might have the option to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

My kid’s experience— I am the parent of a lifer at a private school outside of DMV. There were 9 girls in DD’s kindergarten class. Now, going into junior year, only 3 girls are still there - 2 went to public, 3 left for a less competitive private school for upper school, 1 moved to a more competitive private. Of the 3 left, 2 strongly considered moving to a more competitive school, and still seem as though maybe they should have. 1 is very happy still there. As much of a mixed bag as you can get.

[Anonymous]

We had two kids go through a "big 3" from the earliest age and for both it was a good fit, but we reviewed with them each year before renewing to make sure they were happy etc. The good news about Sidwell is the Lower School is pretty awesome, so even if it isn't a great fit as they get older, they will still have a good experience at the younger side. And if it is a good fit, your kids are already there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As we consider private schools for our 3 young kids, we are considering several options including the so-called Big 3 or Big 5.

One thing I’m getting caught up on is the fact we don’t yet really know what type of learners they will be. Posters in this forum sometimes suggest that Sidwell (for example) is only a good fit for a certain type of high achieving student. But obviously every child that is admitted at age 5 does not end up being a high achieving student. I know some students are counseled out. And some others stick with it and are unhappy. But I assume others have a positive experience even if they aren’t at the top of their class. I also assume that these schools support their student’s incremental growth so that they’re generally well positioned for success when they reach high school.

If you sent your child to a big 3/5 school starting at a young age, would you do it again? What’s been your experience as the years have gone by and you’ve gotten a better sense of your child as a learner? Are you glad you started at one of these schools or do you wish you’d started elsewhere? Do you believe the rigor of these schools helped shape them positively or negatively?

I am specifically interested in the experiences of parents whose kids have attended these schools, as opposed to the perspectives of those who chose not to pursue this path. (We are also considering the K-8 route and I have a good sense of the arguments for why this approach can address my questions above. No need to repeat them here, unless you are a parent of a child at a Big 3/5 and wish you’d gone the K-6/8 route instead.)

Thanks for your input!

The problem with your question is you incorrectly believe parents are going to admit to this board (and more importantly to themselves) that they regret their choice. People can’t/wont do this for the most part—especially when it comes to such a big choice.

Choice-supportive bias or post-purchase rationalization is the tendency to retroactively ascribe positive attributes to an option one has selected and/or to demote the forgone options. It is part of cognitive science, and is a distinct cognitive bias that occurs once a decision is made. For example, if a person chooses option A instead of option B, they are likely to ignore or downplay the faults of option A while amplifying or ascribing new negative faults to option B. Conversely, they are also likely to notice and amplify the advantages of option A and not notice or de-emphasize those of option B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As we consider private schools for our 3 young kids, we are considering several options including the so-called Big 3 or Big 5.

One thing I’m getting caught up on is the fact we don’t yet really know what type of learners they will be. Posters in this forum sometimes suggest that Sidwell (for example) is only a good fit for a certain type of high achieving student. But obviously every child that is admitted at age 5 does not end up being a high achieving student. I know some students are counseled out. And some others stick with it and are unhappy. But I assume others have a positive experience even if they aren’t at the top of their class. I also assume that these schools support their student’s incremental growth so that they’re generally well positioned for success when they reach high school.

If you sent your child to a big 3/5 school starting at a young age, would you do it again? What’s been your experience as the years have gone by and you’ve gotten a better sense of your child as a learner? Are you glad you started at one of these schools or do you wish you’d started elsewhere? Do you believe the rigor of these schools helped shape them positively or negatively?

I am specifically interested in the experiences of parents whose kids have attended these schools, as opposed to the perspectives of those who chose not to pursue this path. (We are also considering the K-8 route and I have a good sense of the arguments for why this approach can address my questions above. No need to repeat them here, unless you are a parent of a child at a Big 3/5 and wish you’d gone the K-6/8 route instead.)

Thanks for your input!

The problem with your question is you incorrectly believe parents are going to admit to this board (and more importantly to themselves) that they regret their choice. People can’t/wont do this for the most part—especially when it comes to such a big choice.

Choice-supportive bias or post-purchase rationalization is the tendency to retroactively ascribe positive attributes to an option one has selected and/or to demote the forgone options. It is part of cognitive science, and is a distinct cognitive bias that occurs once a decision is made. For example, if a person chooses option A instead of option B, they are likely to ignore or downplay the faults of option A while amplifying or ascribing new negative faults to option B. Conversely, they are also likely to notice and amplify the advantages of option A and not notice or de-emphasize those of option B.

This. It’s shown to be especially powerful when related to parenting choices.

[Anonymous]

Most families reevaluate every few years no matter where each kid is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most families reevaluate every few years no matter where each kid is

+1

[Anonymous]

I think what it really comes down to is whether you'd like to have the Big 3 as an option once your child gets to middle school and is looking for high schools. While it's possible to get accepted into 9th, the reality is that many really talented kids (for whom the school could be a great fit) will not get in that year. And at least for a school like Sidwell, if you don't get in for 9th...you aren't getting in (unless you are a transferring top athlete or your dad is the president).

[Anonymous]

Someone told me recently that less than 1/3 of Beauvoir girls that got into NCS in 4th end up graduating in 12th.