a thousand cuts...
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Anonymous
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took me a 40 minute phone call, and then a 45 minute visit to a store (30 minutes of which i was back on the phone with customer service) to cancel my deceased parents cellphone account.
"oh, you can't cancel from a phone. you have to go to a store." go to store... "oh, we can't cancel accounts, you have to call this number" ... get off hold... "oh, i can't do that for you, you have to call customer service." "I did that already, they said i had to go to a store. i am sitting in the store. they say i have to talk to you." "i'll transfer you." explain again. "oh, please hold while I work on that for you." 20 minutes go by... " I'm sorry, I'm getting an error, please hold." store person overhearing, finally seeing the death certificate in my hand "oh, you didn't say you wanted to cancel *someone elses* account. we can help you with that. we'll make a note in the account. but you still need to talk to customer service". And there is a seemingly endless list of tasks like these that I need to get through, some for them, some for me, all while working full-time and taking care of my toddler. I'm just... tired. so tired. I need to redo my will. I need to call the cemetery. I need to figure out how to get the headstone updated. I need to close their bank accounts in another state. I need to file their taxes. I need to mourn, and come to terms with not being the daughter they wanted me to be, but I guess I have the rest of my life to do that. Oh, and between jul 4 and the 75th anniversary of NATO, local hospitals are preparing for a mass casualty event, so maybe the rest of my life won't be very long if I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. My head hurts. My joints hurt. I should clear out half of my house so my kiddo isn't saddled with a mountain of useless stuff. I should go visit mom even though she doesn't know who I am. Oh, wait, I can't do that anymore. I should write notes and give money to all of the staff that took care of her for the last couple of years. I should... Today's bout of despair brought to you by Verizon. Cue the James Earl Jones crossover voice cut: Bell Atlantic, you have failed me for the last time. |
Anonymous
| I know how you feel. The never ending tasks made so much harder because of the ridiculous ever changing rules. As I argued with McAffee to cancel my dead father's account the customer service rep insisted that he needed to speak with my father (the dead one) in order to cancel. So in desperation my husband got on the phone said he was my father (the dead one) and stated he wanted his account closed. The customer service rep cheerfully closed the account. |
Anonymous
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I’m so sorry, OP. It’s a lot.
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Anonymous
| I am so sorry. Wishing you easier times ahead. |
Anonymous
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I am sorry. When the credit union locked my bank account that I shared with my now departed husband, I drove to the branch office and waited for the branch manager, with a death certificate in hand. Then I started to cry.
You are so strong, OP. |
Anonymous
Now that's a "life hack"! |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost Mom 8 weeks ago. I just fielded a weird inbound phone call from Bank of America today. |
Anonymous
| Op, I feel you. I try to do one task a day and pat myself on the back for it - this makes it more manageable. A lot of this stuff doesn’t have to be done ASAP. |
Anonymous
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Hugs, OP. It is a mountain. One thing at a time, and you don't have to do it all at once. Even if the thank you notes are 6 months late, they will still be appreciated. And I suspect the caretakers know better than anyone how difficult this time is.
Go easy on yourself, and put mourning at the top of that list. |
Anonymous
| I am slowly taking over my mom’s affairs (Alzheimer’s) and wondering how much of this stuff can I start doing now? What are the things you find yourself needing to do? I’m the executor of her estate and have full poa now. She doesn’t have a cell phone anymore. Moved into assisted living and downsized (I took care of that over two summers) … but I imagine there are a to. If things that pop up. |
Anonymous
Do you have a senior care manager or someone who acts in a similar capacity? We are starting to take care of end-of-life tasks for my stepmom and the care manager provided us with a list of tasks that was incredibly helpful. You can do things like get your name on accounts now so you can close them a little more easily later, cancel any cards or accounts that aren’t needed, draft an obituary, think about and plan funeral/memorial service. I’m sorry, PP - good luck. |
Anonymous
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One think I did is to cancel the credit card first. Then any accounts/subscriptions that were set up as autopay associated with that card just bounced, and closed by default.
Hang in there, it's a slog and takes so much longer than you'd think. The poster who advised doing one thing per day is wise. |
Anonymous
| Where are hospitals preparing for mass causalities? |
Anonymous
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I can feel your pain.
Tomorrow will be better. Try to get sleep. Maybe take a walk with someone kind. This sh*t really is exhausting. Plus, your strength is diminished by your loss. Try to be gentle with yourself. 🤗 Sometimes it absolutely sucks to be an adult. |
Anonymous
Everywhere Mike Flynn and his sycophants have expressed violence More likely it will be in October |