Bumkini

[Anonymous]

Summer is here, and the annual battle for what is appropriate to wear to the pool and what isn't is in full swing.
Our daughter insists that all of her friends wear those really cheeks out bikinis, that it is "normal" now, and that we are tyrants for wanting our 15 yo DD's butt behind a suit.
I went to the pool today and evidently she is right to some degree, but I ( we) find it pretty disturbing. Kids her and their age have no idea what goes through the heads of adults, and they live in this world where they are impervious to any form of reason that runs contradictory to their desires ( actually, that isn't just limited to kids nowadays). However, as we have pointed out to her, her desire to but flash people is rooted in something and I doubt it's just a desire to fit in .
We are unfortunate enough to have a sex offender living on our block, and she still resists logic.
Fortunately for us, we are her parents and not her friends, and she will do what we say or lose a lot of her freedom, but I still wonder how many others have faced this?
I would THINK that to wear such swim garments would actually be embarrassing to teens knowing her sibs and parents are likely to show up at the pool at any time.

[Anonymous]

Lady sex offenders don’t go after girls because they have a bikini bottom that is a little cheeky.

You need help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady sex offenders don’t go after girls because they have a bikini bottom that is a little cheeky.

You need help

Who are you ? The world's authority on sex offenders? YOU need help. You literally can't ask a question here without some sow like you jumping in and being a jerk

[Anonymous]

Okay so I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about this.

Across cultures and times, the rules about what is an inappropriate level of skin exposure vary widely. Like, as far as they can possibly vary, from burka to fully nude.

The consistent part is that people object to what girls and women are wearing and blame them for the inappropriate sexual thoughts and behaviors of adult men and women.

So I generally feel that people are responsible for their own behavior, and I’m not going to draw any red lines over swimsuit bottoms. I’m going to focus on behavior, like inappropriate flirting with adult men or something like that. Like any social media posts that risk unwanted communication from adult men. If it’s just that she wants her butt cheeks out for fashion, that’s not the hill I’m going to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay so I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about this.

Across cultures and times, the rules about what is an inappropriate level of skin exposure vary widely. Like, as far as they can possibly vary, from burka to fully nude.

The consistent part is that people object to what girls and women are wearing and blame them for the inappropriate sexual thoughts and behaviors of adult men and women.

So I generally feel that people are responsible for their own behavior, and I’m not going to draw any red lines over swimsuit bottoms. I’m going to focus on behavior, like inappropriate flirting with adult men or something like that. Like any social media posts that risk unwanted communication from adult men. If it’s just that she wants her butt cheeks out for fashion, that’s not the hill I’m going to die on.

Thanks for a thoughtful response. I appreciate it. We also just kinda feel like there is the way the world should be and the way it is. Women SHOULD be able to walk through a dark parking garage at TYsons at 2 am alone, but I am not doing it. Your point is well taken though. It's light out, there are other adults around, they go to the pool an come back in packs...maybe we just let it go

[Anonymous]

I’d never let my teen daughters go out in one of those, nor do I see girls wearing those at public or country club pools

[Anonymous]

They are pretty trashy. I assume that any teen wearing this has a mom with dyed hair, over done eyebrows, and really into suburban fashion.

[Anonymous]

It's the fashion and they don't blink an eye at it just like we don't blink an eye at seeing women's ankles when in certain times and cultures it would be horrifying. As for their parents seeing them, they really don't care about that either. Why should they be embarrassed? She doesn't feel like she's flashing people. You do have problems if you find this disturbing.

Go look at a ton of pictures of competitive divers. Go to brazil. This is a you problem and not a her problem. Personally I did a double-take the first few times and now it doesn't even register as a pool norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the fashion and they don't blink an eye at it just like we don't blink an eye at seeing women's ankles when in certain times and cultures it would be horrifying. As for their parents seeing them, they really don't care about that either. Why should they be embarrassed? She doesn't feel like she's flashing people. You do have problems if you find this disturbing.

Go look at a ton of pictures of competitive divers. Go to brazil. This is a you problem and not a her problem. Personally I did a double-take the first few times and now it doesn't even register as a pool norm.

So you say you did a double take and yet it is a me problem? It is a "me" problem only in that it is my kid. Thanks for the other parts. We as women really need to learn not to flame each other though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are pretty trashy. I assume that any teen wearing this has a mom with dyed hair, over done eyebrows, and really into suburban fashion.

My daughter is wearing them. I’m frumpy with my roots showing and you don’t see me at the pool since I’m dropping her off.

We had this battle in the winter and then went on spring break where we saw a lot of teens and adults in straight up thongs. Her cheeky bathing suit bottom doesn’t seem that bad to me anymore, especially after seeing almost the same coming out of shorts at the bus stop by many all spring. My parents didn’t approve of my clothes back when I was that age. Now I’m the out of touch mom. So she won on the swim suit and I’m picking my battles.

[Anonymous]

Stop blaming your child for people being sex offenders.

Do you also think girls and women who showed ankle were tempting sex offenders? What about knees? What about cleavage?

I'd rather support my child and not give in to misogynistic principles that punish girls and women for the behaviour of sick and twisted adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are pretty trashy. I assume that any teen wearing this has a mom with dyed hair, over done eyebrows, and really into suburban fashion.

My daughter is wearing them. I’m frumpy with my roots showing and you don’t see me at the pool since I’m dropping her off.

We had this battle in the winter and then went on spring break where we saw a lot of teens and adults in straight up thongs. Her cheeky bathing suit bottom doesn’t seem that bad to me anymore, especially after seeing almost the same coming out of shorts at the bus stop by many all spring. My parents didn’t approve of my clothes back when I was that age. Now I’m the out of touch mom. So she won on the swim suit and I’m picking my battles.

Hey thanks! I love this. No judgement about me, just a great perspective. Maybe it's not so bad

[Anonymous]

Tell her every time she dresses like that some dirty old man will be masturb8ing to that image, killing half a dozen kittens later that night to the memory of her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summer is here, and the annual battle for what is appropriate to wear to the pool and what isn't is in full swing.
Our daughter insists that all of her friends wear those really cheeks out bikinis, that it is "normal" now, and that we are tyrants for wanting our 15 yo DD's butt behind a suit.
I went to the pool today and evidently she is right to some degree, but I ( we) find it pretty disturbing. Kids her and their age have no idea what goes through the heads of adults, and they live in this world where they are impervious to any form of reason that runs contradictory to their desires ( actually, that isn't just limited to kids nowadays). However, as we have pointed out to her, her desire to but flash people is rooted in something and I doubt it's just a desire to fit in .
We are unfortunate enough to have a sex offender living on our block, and she still resists logic.
Fortunately for us, we are her parents and not her friends, and she will do what we say or lose a lot of her freedom, but I still wonder how many others have faced this?
I would THINK that to wear such swim garments would actually be embarrassing to teens knowing her sibs and parents are likely to show up at the pool at any time.

You should wear a matching suit!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP is butthurt with anyone who doesn't agree with her. She came in with the intention to ass-whoop rather than getting well-rounded perspectives.