Anyone on here with a current student at Princeton or very recent grad?

[Anonymous]

My DC just finished their sophomore year. Went through bicker and did not get into eating club. (As the majority of people who bickered and most every they know!) They are a mainstream kid who has not found their people and doesn't have a group of friends in the way they would like. Frustrated with social structure of the school. Will mostly like join a sign in club in fall but they all seem to have a "personality" that is not their's. (LGBTQ, druggie etc). So miserable they are considering transferring. Can anyone with direct experience at the school over any advice or hope?

[Anonymous]

My dd has two friends who just finished freshman year. Found it to be very rigorous academically. Both are recruited athletes and that seems to be their social circle.

[Anonymous]

Yes, athletes have their own world there

[Anonymous]

Just pick a sign in club where they know some people. By their nature those clubs have a range of kids, even if they are “known” for a type. There are plenty of “mainstream” kids in each of them.

The kid can always switch for senior year if it isn’t fun. But the nicer kids IME are not at bicker clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC just finished their sophomore year. Went through bicker and did not get into eating club. (As the majority of people who bickered and most every they know!) They are a mainstream kid who has not found their people and doesn't have a group of friends in the way they would like. Frustrated with social structure of the school. Will mostly like join a sign in club in fall but they all seem to have a "personality" that is not their's. (LGBTQ, druggie etc). So miserable they are considering transferring. Can anyone with direct experience at the school over any advice or hope?

I know 6 families over the last 15 years who sent kids to Princeton.

3 athletic recruits , 3 normies

All umc from northeast but not dc umc level ses

The recruits stuck around, the normies transferred out - one to nescac and two to oos flagships

Make of that what you will

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. That's one of the hardest parts of Princeton. It's really small and sometimes when it feels like "everyone" is getting or doing something, it's actually true. Anyway, remember that anywhere that they can transfer to as a junior will have the same issues of set social groups or it would be so big that they would basically be anonymous. I'm not sure that's what they really want.

In our experience, sophomore year was the worst socially and at the start of junior year there were a lot of social shifts and people started to change as they looked toward graduation vs. establishing themselves socially within Princeton. This year's seniors graduating will rearrange dynamics in next year's junior and senior class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. That's one of the hardest parts of Princeton. It's really small and sometimes when it feels like "everyone" is getting or doing something, it's actually true. Anyway, remember that anywhere that they can transfer to as a junior will have the same issues of set social groups or it would be so big that they would basically be anonymous. I'm not sure that's what they really want.

In our experience, sophomore year was the worst socially and at the start of junior year there were a lot of social shifts and people started to change as they looked toward graduation vs. establishing themselves socially within Princeton. This year's seniors graduating will rearrange dynamics in next year's junior and senior class.

Thank you for this information and specific advice on they might proceed in terms of friend/social life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. That's one of the hardest parts of Princeton. It's really small and sometimes when it feels like "everyone" is getting or doing something, it's actually true. Anyway, remember that anywhere that they can transfer to as a junior will have the same issues of set social groups or it would be so big that they would basically be anonymous. I'm not sure that's what they really want.

In our experience, sophomore year was the worst socially and at the start of junior year there were a lot of social shifts and people started to change as they looked toward graduation vs. establishing themselves socially within Princeton. This year's seniors graduating will rearrange dynamics in next year's junior and senior class.

+1 yo social dynamics shifting jr year. Has he considered studying abroad? That changed my perspective and I was a lot happier on my return.

[Anonymous]

Just sign in into a club . It’s really no big deal. I actually never joined a club and was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sign in into a club . It’s really no big deal. I actually never joined a club and was fine.

To clarify, they are not obsessed with joining a club. They just need some friends. So not sure at this point where else to make these connections

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just sign in into a club . It’s really no big deal. I actually never joined a club and was fine.

To clarify, they are not obsessed with joining a club. They just need some friends. So not sure at this point where else to make these connections

One answer is to join a sign in club along with the other zillion kids who didn’t get into a bicker club. They are just as good as a vehicle for meals and making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyway, remember that anywhere that they can transfer to as a junior will have the same issues of set social groups or it would be so big that they would basically be anonymous.

I think it's a false assumption that "anywhere" has the social conditions that Princeton does. Many people choose not to apply to Princeton because of this sort of reputation. I certainly didn't encounter anything like Princeton's bicker at my SLAC (and that was by design).

[Anonymous]

I am sympathetic but there seems to be a little “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member” thinking going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sympathetic but there seems to be a little “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member” thinking going on here.

Np here, but I’m not sure what you are saying here with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sympathetic but there seems to be a little “I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member” thinking going on here.

Np here, but I’m not sure what you are saying here with this?

It sounds like the kid thinks the sign in clubs are not right for her (because of their “personalities”) even though they are welcoming to everyone and therefore get lots of different kids. The bicker clubs have much stronger “personalities” and fewer “regular” kids because they are exclusionary—but that’s where she hopes to make friends.