WWYD exH wants to get back together

[Anonymous]

But without combined finances
I’d have to move and change jobs to be where he is
We have two kids one 8th grade one 6th grade doing okay in local public
I’d still be working FT since no combined finances

[Anonymous]

Adding, says he loves me I have mixed feelings as we separated for a reason. No infidelity.

[Anonymous]

are you romantically involved now? How did this come about?

[Anonymous]

Did he move away after the divorce or did you? Do you have full custody?

The finances aren't even the issue here. The kids are. You can NOT get back together and break up again. That will be hell on your children. You can be friendly co-parents who work as a team and live close together. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

Hard no. NOPE. No way.

[Anonymous]

If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

[Anonymous]

So you'd have to move -- that means the kids would move, too? I'm not clear on where they are. It sounds as if you and the ex are in areas fairly far apart geographically.

I would not move to him if the kids are doing OK in school where they are; I would absolutely not uproot them and have them change schools, lose friendships etc., just because ex wants you back. What does he say re: the kids, uprooting them, etc.? I'm wondering if he's giving any consideration to the kids and their day to day lives, support system of friends and teachers and activities, etc. Remember, kids might lose not only school and school friends, but also their sports or extracurricular activities, church, whatever they do outside school. And their ages are tough --one is about to start high school fairly soon and you do not want distraction and any social issues during HS years, when stability helps with good grades, and grades really do count for things like getting into college or other post-HS programs.

Your kids already had to adjust to their parents' split; don't give them the whiplash of getting back together in a way that yanks them away from their current stability.

If the ex truly thinks he still loves you this much, and he is at all sensitive to the kids' needs, he can be the one to move to where you are; set up his own separate household there; and date you again, but not move in or make the kids move to a new family home and new school district, even locally. Yeah, I said it: He can come back and date you where you and the kids live, if he's actually that much in love. I'm wagering he won't do it. Just tell him nope, you've moved on and the kids are not going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do NOT do this.

Doesn’t want to combine finances? Would require you to quiet your job and move? Wtf?!

NO NO NO.

[Anonymous]

OP. There’s no romantic relationship right now but he wants one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

This

[Anonymous]

Please don't.

[Anonymous]

What skin does he have in the game?

He wants you to move - is he paying for it?

Who makes more $?

[Anonymous]

He moves to you. That's the only option. He does not move in. You co- parent. No reason to need a piece of paper.

(and I'm usually a big proponent of having that piece of paper)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants back he should come to you, not you move there and disrupt the kids lives. I’m quite sure he will say he can’t relocate.

Already suggested and correct. He can’t relocate bc of job that he says “supports the family” but again, finances are actually separate and he pays 10% or less of actual earnings towards child support/expenses.

Sounds then like he wants convenient sex and the familiarity of having you around, but would not do one bit more to create an actual home, a shared household.

Just think of the disputes if something expensive happens--a kid needs some extra summer program paid for; the house you all share has a major problem that needs repair; you need a new car after a breakdown or crash because you have to ferry the kids around...He's going to nickel-and-dime you to death over every expense and insist things be split 50/50 etc. It will be a constant thorn in your side. And all this would be happening in an area which is not "home" to you and the kids, so you and they will end up feeling isolated and more dependent on someone who is not really interested in being a family again. And you'd be expected to hav your separate finances while you have just given up a job and are seeking a new one in a new place!

Hard no.