Embarrassed I can't afford friend trip

[Anonymous]

My two best friends from college and I go on a trip every year or so. We are in our late 30s. They both are doing very well financially - the one is childfree and between her and her husband make about $500k. The other has two kids and married into wealth. They own three houses. Neither of them live in the DC area anymore.

We are trying to plan a trip for this year and they want to go really big but I can't do that, and I am embarrassed. I have two kids and both DH and I make decent money (HHI around 350k) but between our house, expensive out of pocket therapy for our special needs kid, and our family's own savings goals, I really can't spend multiple thousands of dollars on a girls' trip. I kept trying to steer the conversation to something lower key and then finally had to explicitly say, "I can't spend X," which got awkward.

I feel pretty lame and embarrassed that I can't keep up and that I should be doing better at this age.

[Anonymous]

Honestly get over it. Most people aren't doing nearly as well as you are - and your friends are being ridiculous, and extremely tone deaf.

But also, seriously, get over it.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel bad. I know it’s hard. But there is no moral edge to having wealth. It’s just money and it sounds like one friend didn’t even earn it.

They aren’t better than you, and they sound a little clueless TBH. Who wouldn’t think about their friend’s situation.

If you have a budget in mind, I’d suggest it. Or say you will sit out this trip and see how they respond.

[Anonymous]

It’s not like you are asking them to slum it. Any friend worth your time would understand. How did they respond?

[Anonymous]

Be honest. Tell them the trip they proposed is out of you price range and politely decline.

Have your answer ready I f they offer to cover your expenses.

There is nothing lame or embarrassing about this. You're all in different situations in .

[Anonymous]

I think they should be embarrassed for being so tone deaf. You're fine. We all go through seasons in life, and right now you have to budget more, and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Your friends are being thoughtless. I am both the richer friend and the less well off friend in different friend groups and I think we are all more sensitive to each other. Your friends don’t sound very aware.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I spent a quarter of a million dollars on therapy for my SN kid. I couldn't travel for four years because of the expense. In hindsight, it was the greatest thing I could have done for my kid. It was worth it. It sucks when you’re going through it because no one understands. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Don't be ashamed - be proud of yourself for being honest. I hope your friends find a way to include you in a fun getaway that does not break the bank. Maybe instead of putting the planning in their court come up with an option or two that works for you and propose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest. Tell them the trip they proposed is out of you price range and politely decline.

Have your answer ready I f they offer to cover your expenses.

There is nothing lame or embarrassing about this. You're all in different situations in .

This, andthey arent good friends if they don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they should be embarrassed for being so tone deaf. You're fine. We all go through seasons in life, and right now you have to budget more, and that's fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

All of you are tone deaf.

The answer for you is the same answer for us poor people. You just tell them what your budget is and try working around that budget.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't be embarrassed about it at all. I have a group of four college girlfriends and we also get together every year (we all live in different cities across two states). Two are higher income and two are lower, so we always work to find something that works for everyone. The point is to spend time together, and we don't have to spend a lot of money to do that. Just be honest with your friends and then don't be angry if they go on the more expensive trip without you. You can be sad about it, of course! But just understand that not everyone gets everything in life. And I say this as the person who is not going on the trip next week to the Caribbean with the group because it didn't work out for me personally. I'm sad but I'm not mad at them for going without me. I'll see them the next time we get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two best friends from college and I go on a trip every year or so. We are in our late 30s. They both are doing very well financially - the one is childfree and between her and her husband make about $500k. The other has two kids and married into wealth. They own three houses. Neither of them live in the DC area anymore.

We are trying to plan a trip for this year and they want to go really big but I can't do that, and I am embarrassed. I have two kids and both DH and I make decent money (HHI around 350k) but between our house, expensive out of pocket therapy for our special needs kid, and our family's own savings goals, I really can't spend multiple thousands of dollars on a girls' trip. I kept trying to steer the conversation to something lower key and then finally had to explicitly say, "I can't spend X," which got awkward.

I feel pretty lame and embarrassed that I can't keep up and that I should be doing better at this age.

You're in your late 30's with an HHI of $350K?!? You are doing VERY WELL. I say that kindly, I hope you can see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My two best friends from college and I go on a trip every year or so. We are in our late 30s. They both are doing very well financially - the one is childfree and between her and her husband make about $500k. The other has two kids and married into wealth. They own three houses. Neither of them live in the DC area anymore.

We are trying to plan a trip for this year and they want to go really big but I can't do that, and I am embarrassed. I have two kids and both DH and I make decent money (HHI around 350k) but between our house, expensive out of pocket therapy for our special needs kid, and our family's own savings goals, I really can't spend multiple thousands of dollars on a girls' trip. I kept trying to steer the conversation to something lower key and then finally had to explicitly say, "I can't spend X," which got awkward.

I feel pretty lame and embarrassed that I can't keep up and that I should be doing better at this age.

You're in your late 30's with an HHI of $350K?!? You are doing VERY WELL. I say that kindly, I hope you can see that.

+1000 Op, don't lose touch because your friends have.