I absolutely hate the way my 13yoDD dresses

[Anonymous]

If I see someone at CVS dressed in scrubs, I assume they work in a medical setting. If I see someone in fatigues, I assume they work in the military. If I see someone with shorts too tight and a top too short, I assume they work on the streets.

Like it or not, many professions have uniforms. Revealing clothing is the uniform of people that earn their living from sex work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

Don’t you buy her clothes? If so manage what you buy! If you don’t buy her clothes who does and why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

Don’t you buy her clothes? If so manage what you buy! If you don’t buy her clothes who does and why?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is dressing trashy. And stomps off when it is pointed out. Disrespectful.

Getting good grades is a normal expectation from all kids. This is not something worth getting a nobel prize for. And it does not absolve her of disrespectful behavior.

“Dressing trashy” is subjective. You’ve only been conditioned to think it is trashy because this is America, we are puritanical and we are also victims of toxic masculinity that tells women that we are the problem, not the men who rape and harass women.

Just because the patriarchy exists doesn’t mean we need to buy into it. That includes dressing ourselves in order to appear sexually attractive to the male gaze. Resist male supremacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

She seems to be interested in a look designed to sexually arouse boys.

Is it possible your teenage daughter is experiencing adolescent normal changes driving her toward mating behavior?

Is the daughter actually planning to mate and raise her soon to arrive offspring?

That’s not how puberty works.

You are describing late 20s / early 30s.

OP pubescent teen is hormonaly-driven to mate.


Ergo: clothing.

[Anonymous]

Teen girl puberty is about the mating part more than the reproduction part.

But yeah, OP needs to get DD on birth control as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl puberty is about the mating part more than the reproduction part.

But yeah, OP needs to get DD on birth control as soon as possible.

biologically, mating and reproduction are the same thing. have been for millions of years of evolution. still are for every singled species except humans in the past 100 or os years. biologically, 13 yo are ready to mate and reproduce.

if she doesn't want to reproduce, there is not point in mating. certainly not at 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl puberty is about the mating part more than the reproduction part.

But yeah, OP needs to get DD on birth control as soon as possible.

Culturally, 'teen girl puberty' is about what culture decides it is about. For some cultures, it is about reproduction. For some, it's about "having sex to be ready for college". It's up to us, the parents of our daughters, to decide what "teen girl puberty" is about. This is not fixed. There is doesn't exist some big truth about it.

[Anonymous]

Why does a 13yo have so much of her "own money" to spend at Target and how is she going there on her own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does a 13yo have so much of her "own money" to spend at Target and how is she going there on her own?

+1

Perhaps she should use "her own money" to pay for her food and lodging? Ridiculous.

Teens don't have "their own money". It's just a cute fiction.

[Anonymous]

I wish all of us parents of DD's in this age group could help each other out -- let's not let our DD's dress like this. They need to dress in a way that is age-appropriate and at least subtle.

When they start accusing parents of being controlling or body-shaming for not liking their too-tight attire, let's not buy into this. These are 13-year-olds, and they still need parenting (even though they look like adults).

I let my older daughter (now 19) dress as she liked at age 13 because she was so adamant about it. I had regrets about it, and I am not going to make the same mistake with my now 13-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl puberty is about the mating part more than the reproduction part.

But yeah, OP needs to get DD on birth control as soon as possible.

Culturally, 'teen girl puberty' is about what culture decides it is about. For some cultures, it is about reproduction. For some, it's about "having sex to be ready for college". It's up to us, the parents of our daughters, to decide what "teen girl puberty" is about. This is not fixed. There is doesn't exist some big truth about it.

Good point.

In the DMV, we mock the whole “purity ring” culture / abstinence.

But that means, culturally, we prefer our teen girls have sex before marriage / before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is dressing trashy. And stomps off when it is pointed out. Disrespectful.

Getting good grades is a normal expectation from all kids. This is not something worth getting a nobel prize for. And it does not absolve her of disrespectful behavior.

“Dressing trashy” is subjective. You’ve only been conditioned to think it is trashy because this is America, we are puritanical and we are also victims of toxic masculinity that tells women that we are the problem, not the men who rape and harass women.

Just because the patriarchy exists doesn’t mean we need to buy into it. That includes dressing ourselves in order to appear sexually attractive to the male gaze. Resist male supremacy.

I agree with this 100%. It's not that teen girls are doing something inherently shameful by dressing in scanty clothes. It's simply that market economics and our entertainment culture and people trying not to body shame/be judgmental with specific girls has resulted in an anything goes situation where girls are frequently poorly dressed and can't even do "power dressing" or more appropriate clothes for special occasions. And the styles pretty clearly trace back to sexualization of women like Britney Spears and the character "Daisy Duke".

A few years ago there were a lot of complaints in the media that the inseams on elementary girls' shorts were one or two inches shorter than the same ones for boys of the same age within the same brand lineups. The moms behind those articles had a lot of facts. They wanted to buy something the market was not supplying, because clothing vendors had a mistaken, trend-based perception about how little girls want to look. The trends are set by adult women and trickle down. Often too far.

[Anonymous]

Who is buying her clothes?

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness the crop top trend is over LOL!