No One’s Coming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you miss your friends, but guess what? Instead of friends you get to call the taqueria and complain that mommy's burrito had fresh cilantro which I very, very specifically told them not to add.

It's really just like friends. Here's my cell. Starting calling!

don't poo-poo my suggestions! i always find it very cathartic to cause stress among the hourly workers, in between my trips to my countryside villa on the slopes, for cross-country skiing. you too might just find you have a better life if you revel in all of your stuff. only the poors need human connection"

Do you ever stop to think about what you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I really empathize with the PP above. My kid is a tween and introverted so a little easier but I see so many kids struggling. Luckily there are pockets of sanity like in my friends’ apartment complex where kids play together outside, some masked, some not. I would love to live in a place like that but alas I am stuck where I am.
But then again, it’s not so much about struggling. For kids, every year counts for 3. They just don’t deserve this lost year.
Think, people!

OP, last night I wrote up a list of suggestions for you. It sounds like your kid is really struggling with the lack of in person activities. I made this list to help give you some ideas for a tween.


67 activities for your tween or teen who is depressed because there’s nothing to look forward to


More chores. Kids need to feel competent.

One time chores:

Organize their closet
Organize a hall closet or a family closet
Put together a first aid kit
Declutter the basement, the attic, the garage
Turn the basement into a workout room
Paint a room in the house
Rearrange the pantry
Rotate the mattresses
Declutter and gather items for a yard sale

Home skills:
iron
Learn to make a panini, a milk shake, yogurt
Bake
Cook dinner


Home repair:
Paint a room
Patch a hole in the wall
Hang pictures
Refinish a table
Caulk the bathtub
Patch a screen
Weatherstrip a door
Unblock a gutter

Regular chores: Keep them busy and useful!
Vacuum
Dust
Wash the windows
Dishes


Car repair
Check tire pressure
Take car into the shop
Buy a new wiper and change the wiper blade
Jump start a car
Change a tire


Life skills:
Call the doctor to make an appointment
Call a restaurant to order takeout
Call somewhere to complain or praise the business

Learn a skill you can practice with others online:

Chess
Foreign language tutoring with an individual tutor
Debate team


Social skills:
Call a grandparent and check in on a weekly basis
Write a letter

Outdoor stuff: CALL YOUR KIDS’ FRIENDS’ PARENTS and organize the kids to get them together outside to do any of the following

Build a fire in a fire pit and hang out
Orienteering
Hiking
Snowshoeing
Cross country skiing
Sledding
Snowball fight
Join a scout troop that meets outdoors


Help your kid learn to do a new form of arts and crafts:

Knit
Sew
Origami
Wood carving
Cross stitch
Crochet
Model building
Painting
calligraphy
Practice a musical instrument
karaoke

LOL. "Call somewhere to complain" is listed as a life skill. I'm gonna die.

your tween doesn't know how to ask to speak to the manager?

Apparently I have failed in that my child wants to hang out with friends, not ask for the manager.

How about you hand out with them instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG thanks for the list of chores but no, this is not what I need, really. School and other places have been bombarding me with suggestions of what *I* can do with my kid...um, no thanks. I miss all the in-person, low-cost options with minimum participation from me (I need to just bring the kid).
I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you, PP, but all these lists of activities is one of the things that make me cringe lately.

Have you actually tried giving your child concrete, meaningful chores to do though?

What I am hearing you saying is that your child needs to interact with other people and basically be entertained by others, and you have minimum engagement in the activity. I'm not saying that to be critical. But it sounds like your child is basically used to being entertained by others. And since they don't have that as much, they are trying to interact with you, and you are exhausted by it.

I am trying to offer you a suggestion: kids need to feel useful and engaged, but it doesn't have to be an activity that is directed by others. You are right -- no one is coming to help you out by reopening libraries and whatever else you want them to reopen.

You nee to teach your child to be interested in the boring at home options that are somewhat creative, meaningful and useful. Even if your kid never was interested in them before, you might find that now that there is so little to do, they will be bored enough to get into them.

Instead of turning up your nose at my suggestions, I encourage you to take this list or a similar one you have made, and go over it with your tween and TELL THEM you need their help around the house. Make them feel like they are actually needed. TELL them they have to pick 10 items off the list and do them and that you will help them, but that the goal is that they actually take some of these chores off of your to do list. Kids need to feel important and useful and competent. Let them do any chores they like off the list. By telling them it has to be 10... they might find 3 or 4 they actually really enjoy.

Kids are so much happier when they have useful and creative tasks to do. They go from being dependent on others for intellectual stimulation and unable to bear even a few moments of boredom, into capable kids able to handle frustration and problem solve. They become a lot more fun to live with, too.

Just a thought.

Op here. It has more to do with me. I am tired of being the school and the extended day activities for my kid. Ok? This is just part of the problem though because my kid needs to be somewhere where he doesn’t have an option to whine for electronics. I can’t take him out every day ok?

[Anonymous]

OP - I hear you and agree completely. I’m exhausted and burned out. So many moms feel the same way you do that the New York Times just published a series on how we are being impacted by the pandemic. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I think it’s time to reiterate my initial message. I hear people saying “why can’t school organize an outdoor masked event”. The whole point is that NOBODY cares about your child’s well-being except you. Certain activities or schools are interested because they want to make money off your kids. And there’s nothing wrong with it - that’s why we have certain things still open. Paid activities and maybe even fun stuff.
Public institutions that are heavily subsidized still get money even though they are either closed or virtual. They don’t care your kids don’t get to choose books at the library or learn to swim without paying an arm and a leg.
Nobody is there to save you. You have to either pay a lot of money or stay home or be your child’s coach, teacher, and organizer of social events.
I am taking the latter route to the extent possible but it’s burning me out big time, and I am breaking rules because the kid travels, sees friends indoors, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watching the socially stunted sociopaths of DCUM argue that kids should be totally fine never interacting with anyone outside of a computer screen ... is something.

This!! How can people even argue that a year of this is no problem for kids! A couple of weeks, a month, maybe... but a year?!

Mom McChores here. I’m not arguing that kids should be fine without ever interacting with another human outside of a computer.

I’m arguing that parents could stop whining about how SOMEONE NEEDS TO ORGANIZE SOMETHING SOCIAL for my KID!!! Because without activities my kids mental health is so bad!!!

Help your kids develop competent skills in areas the your family really needs. It will help their mental health tremendously.

Pick some outdoor activities and call around the neighborhood. Get a few families together.

So you are just bad at making your point, whatever it is. That much is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you miss your friends, but guess what? Instead of friends you get to call the taqueria and complain that mommy's burrito had fresh cilantro which I very, very specifically told them not to add.

It's really just like friends. Here's my cell. Starting calling!

don't poo-poo my suggestions! i always find it very cathartic to cause stress among the hourly workers, in between my trips to my countryside villa on the slopes, for cross-country skiing. you too might just find you have a better life if you revel in all of your stuff. only the poors need human connection"

Outdoor activities don't have to be expensive. Instead of whining that there's no one for your kids to play with and you have NO WAY of contacting any of their classmates for playdates, I would make start spending some weekends organizing trips to some place a little fun and different. Parents won't bring their kids somewhere if it doesn't seem like a bit of an event, because everyone is kind of bored and jaded now. That's why I suggest finding a place where you can rent some snow shoes or cross county skiis (if there happens to be snow on the ground.) Or just go for a hike. Snow shoeing would be more appropriate for teens than little guys anyhow.

Organize the activity and send a link to people on your neighborhood listserve. Ask the principal if maybe they could let you post the information in a school update (some might, you never know).

Look -- if your kids are happy and thriving, then I don't know what you are complaining about. Stop whining about how no one is coming to organize things for your kid. You are right, they aren't. It isn't the schools' job to plan activities for you on the weekend.

1. I don't know why you're so hung up on snow sports, which are mostly inaccessible and expensive.
2. It sounds like you think that it is safe for teens to hang out in groups together. Is that an accurate interpretation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I really empathize with the PP above. My kid is a tween and introverted so a little easier but I see so many kids struggling. Luckily there are pockets of sanity like in my friends’ apartment complex where kids play together outside, some masked, some not. I would love to live in a place like that but alas I am stuck where I am.
But then again, it’s not so much about struggling. For kids, every year counts for 3. They just don’t deserve this lost year.
Think, people!

OP, last night I wrote up a list of suggestions for you. It sounds like your kid is really struggling with the lack of in person activities. I made this list to help give you some ideas for a tween.


67 activities for your tween or teen who is depressed because there’s nothing to look forward to


More chores. Kids need to feel competent.

One time chores:

Organize their closet
Organize a hall closet or a family closet
Put together a first aid kit
Declutter the basement, the attic, the garage
Turn the basement into a workout room
Paint a room in the house
Rearrange the pantry
Rotate the mattresses
Declutter and gather items for a yard sale

Home skills:
iron
Learn to make a panini, a milk shake, yogurt
Bake
Cook dinner


Home repair:
Paint a room
Patch a hole in the wall
Hang pictures
Refinish a table
Caulk the bathtub
Patch a screen
Weatherstrip a door
Unblock a gutter

Regular chores: Keep them busy and useful!
Vacuum
Dust
Wash the windows
Dishes


Car repair
Check tire pressure
Take car into the shop
Buy a new wiper and change the wiper blade
Jump start a car
Change a tire


Life skills:
Call the doctor to make an appointment
Call a restaurant to order takeout
Call somewhere to complain or praise the business

Learn a skill you can practice with others online:

Chess
Foreign language tutoring with an individual tutor
Debate team


Social skills:
Call a grandparent and check in on a weekly basis
Write a letter

Outdoor stuff: CALL YOUR KIDS’ FRIENDS’ PARENTS and organize the kids to get them together outside to do any of the following

Build a fire in a fire pit and hang out
Orienteering
Hiking
Snowshoeing
Cross country skiing
Sledding
Snowball fight
Join a scout troop that meets outdoors


Help your kid learn to do a new form of arts and crafts:

Knit
Sew
Origami
Wood carving
Cross stitch
Crochet
Model building
Painting
calligraphy
Practice a musical instrument
karaoke

LOL. "Call somewhere to complain" is listed as a life skill. I'm gonna die.

your tween doesn't know how to ask to speak to the manager?

Apparently I have failed in that my child wants to hang out with friends, not ask for the manager.

How about you hand out with them instead?

developmentally inappropriate for teens to spend the majority of time with their parents. but it seems like you have no idea what is developmentally inappropriate if you think a good lesson for your daughter is to learn to call and complain about the new bath and bodyworks scent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. I don't know why you're so hung up on snow sports, which are mostly inaccessible and expensive.
2. It sounds like you think that it is safe for teens to hang out in groups together. Is that an accurate interpretation?

I'm not hung up on snow sports, but I anticipate that if I say kids can go out for a hike, you will whine that there's SNOW ON THE PATHS, so I am suggesting in that case, maybe rent some skis or snowshoes or something.

Mostly though there isn't any snow around where we live. So hiking would be fine.

Yes, I believe if kids and teens are wearing masks and are outdoors, it is considered safe BY THE CDC for them to be social outdoors together. You know, the same CDC that says it is safe for them to be indoors in a school together. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
developmentally inappropriate for teens to spend the majority of time with their parents. but it seems like you have no idea what is developmentally inappropriate if you think a good lesson for your daughter is to learn to call and complain about the new bath and bodyworks scent.

That doesn't seem like an important thing to complain about. So I wouldn't encourage my child to do something like that. I think those kinds of complaints are petty and unreasonable.

But I do think it is important for teens to get skill using the telephone. I saw this with my son was he was working towards his Eagle Scout award, and also, later, applying for internships and college. There were a lot of phone calls he needed to make, and he just didn't have ANY practice doing it in early high school. I have asked around and found that most teens just don't use the phone anymore, and truly prefer to text. That's fine. But when they need to interact with older adults, they do still need to use the phone. So, one thing I am doing with my younger child is encouraging her to make more phone calls herself.

I wouldn't have her do it just to be a brat about something though. But there are times when calling customer service gets much better results than sending in a computer form. I think learning when to do that is an important life skill.

I agree that developmentally, teens should be doing things out in the world, and hopefully with their friends. But, pandemic. It just isn't happening right now. So.. I suggest for their own mental health, it would be a good idea to get them thinking more about how they can be useful to the family. It's the perfect time for it, because they don't have a lot of other distractions.

[Anonymous]

Mom McChores is really doubling down on the "a coat of varnish is just as good as a friend" thing, I see. How weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG thanks for the list of chores but no, this is not what I need, really. School and other places have been bombarding me with suggestions of what *I* can do with my kid...um, no thanks. I miss all the in-person, low-cost options with minimum participation from me (I need to just bring the kid).
I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you, PP, but all these lists of activities is one of the things that make me cringe lately.

Have you actually tried giving your child concrete, meaningful chores to do though?

What I am hearing you saying is that your child needs to interact with other people and basically be entertained by others, and you have minimum engagement in the activity. I'm not saying that to be critical. But it sounds like your child is basically used to being entertained by others. And since they don't have that as much, they are trying to interact with you, and you are exhausted by it.

I am trying to offer you a suggestion: kids need to feel useful and engaged, but it doesn't have to be an activity that is directed by others. You are right -- no one is coming to help you out by reopening libraries and whatever else you want them to reopen.

You nee to teach your child to be interested in the boring at home options that are somewhat creative, meaningful and useful. Even if your kid never was interested in them before, you might find that now that there is so little to do, they will be bored enough to get into them.

Instead of turning up your nose at my suggestions, I encourage you to take this list or a similar one you have made, and go over it with your tween and TELL THEM you need their help around the house. Make them feel like they are actually needed. TELL them they have to pick 10 items off the list and do them and that you will help them, but that the goal is that they actually take some of these chores off of your to do list. Kids need to feel important and useful and competent. Let them do any chores they like off the list. By telling them it has to be 10... they might find 3 or 4 they actually really enjoy.

Kids are so much happier when they have useful and creative tasks to do. They go from being dependent on others for intellectual stimulation and unable to bear even a few moments of boredom, into capable kids able to handle frustration and problem solve. They become a lot more fun to live with, too.

Just a thought.

Op here. It has more to do with me. I am tired of being the school and the extended day activities for my kid. Ok? This is just part of the problem though because my kid needs to be somewhere where he doesn’t have an option to whine for electronics. I can’t take him out every day ok?

So, basically you don't enjoy being a parent as that's what parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. I don't know why you're so hung up on snow sports, which are mostly inaccessible and expensive.
2. It sounds like you think that it is safe for teens to hang out in groups together. Is that an accurate interpretation?

I'm not hung up on snow sports, but I anticipate that if I say kids can go out for a hike, you will whine that there's SNOW ON THE PATHS, so I am suggesting in that case, maybe rent some skis or snowshoes or something.

Mostly though there isn't any snow around where we live. So hiking would be fine.

Yes, I believe if kids and teens are wearing masks and are outdoors, it is considered safe BY THE CDC for them to be social outdoors together. You know, the same CDC that says it is safe for them to be indoors in a school together. Absolutely.

You can pick and choose what you want to believe and what is ok, but then stop complaining about schools closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG thanks for the list of chores but no, this is not what I need, really. School and other places have been bombarding me with suggestions of what *I* can do with my kid...um, no thanks. I miss all the in-person, low-cost options with minimum participation from me (I need to just bring the kid).
I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you, PP, but all these lists of activities is one of the things that make me cringe lately.

Have you actually tried giving your child concrete, meaningful chores to do though?

What I am hearing you saying is that your child needs to interact with other people and basically be entertained by others, and you have minimum engagement in the activity. I'm not saying that to be critical. But it sounds like your child is basically used to being entertained by others. And since they don't have that as much, they are trying to interact with you, and you are exhausted by it.

I am trying to offer you a suggestion: kids need to feel useful and engaged, but it doesn't have to be an activity that is directed by others. You are right -- no one is coming to help you out by reopening libraries and whatever else you want them to reopen.

You nee to teach your child to be interested in the boring at home options that are somewhat creative, meaningful and useful. Even if your kid never was interested in them before, you might find that now that there is so little to do, they will be bored enough to get into them.

Instead of turning up your nose at my suggestions, I encourage you to take this list or a similar one you have made, and go over it with your tween and TELL THEM you need their help around the house. Make them feel like they are actually needed. TELL them they have to pick 10 items off the list and do them and that you will help them, but that the goal is that they actually take some of these chores off of your to do list. Kids need to feel important and useful and competent. Let them do any chores they like off the list. By telling them it has to be 10... they might find 3 or 4 they actually really enjoy.

Kids are so much happier when they have useful and creative tasks to do. They go from being dependent on others for intellectual stimulation and unable to bear even a few moments of boredom, into capable kids able to handle frustration and problem solve. They become a lot more fun to live with, too.

Just a thought.

Op here. It has more to do with me. I am tired of being the school and the extended day activities for my kid. Ok? This is just part of the problem though because my kid needs to be somewhere where he doesn’t have an option to whine for electronics. I can’t take him out every day ok?

So, basically you don't enjoy being a parent as that's what parents do.

I knew you would use this tired argument.
If I don’t want to work 18 hr days, does it mean I don’t like my job?
If I don’t enjoy doing something I am overqualified for but can’t outsource, do I hate my job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG thanks for the list of chores but no, this is not what I need, really. School and other places have been bombarding me with suggestions of what *I* can do with my kid...um, no thanks. I miss all the in-person, low-cost options with minimum participation from me (I need to just bring the kid).
I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you, PP, but all these lists of activities is one of the things that make me cringe lately.

Have you actually tried giving your child concrete, meaningful chores to do though?

What I am hearing you saying is that your child needs to interact with other people and basically be entertained by others, and you have minimum engagement in the activity. I'm not saying that to be critical. But it sounds like your child is basically used to being entertained by others. And since they don't have that as much, they are trying to interact with you, and you are exhausted by it.

I am trying to offer you a suggestion: kids need to feel useful and engaged, but it doesn't have to be an activity that is directed by others. You are right -- no one is coming to help you out by reopening libraries and whatever else you want them to reopen.

You nee to teach your child to be interested in the boring at home options that are somewhat creative, meaningful and useful. Even if your kid never was interested in them before, you might find that now that there is so little to do, they will be bored enough to get into them.

Instead of turning up your nose at my suggestions, I encourage you to take this list or a similar one you have made, and go over it with your tween and TELL THEM you need their help around the house. Make them feel like they are actually needed. TELL them they have to pick 10 items off the list and do them and that you will help them, but that the goal is that they actually take some of these chores off of your to do list. Kids need to feel important and useful and competent. Let them do any chores they like off the list. By telling them it has to be 10... they might find 3 or 4 they actually really enjoy.

Kids are so much happier when they have useful and creative tasks to do. They go from being dependent on others for intellectual stimulation and unable to bear even a few moments of boredom, into capable kids able to handle frustration and problem solve. They become a lot more fun to live with, too.

Just a thought.

Op here. It has more to do with me. I am tired of being the school and the extended day activities for my kid. Ok? This is just part of the problem though because my kid needs to be somewhere where he doesn’t have an option to whine for electronics. I can’t take him out every day ok?

So, basically you don't enjoy being a parent as that's what parents do.

I knew you would use this tired argument.
If I don’t want to work 18 hr days, does it mean I don’t like my job?
If I don’t enjoy doing something I am overqualified for but can’t outsource, do I hate my job?

Being a parent is not equal to your list and it’s what you choose when you choose to have kids.