No One’s Coming

[Anonymous]

Just for the record, Chores McMom isn’t the person arguing OP doesn’t want to parent!

[Anonymous]

I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

Yeah, you need to take it down a notch.

[Anonymous]

We have our daughter in soccer which is still playing. There is horseback riding and teens can safely get together. Find a family to bubble with who have kids.
It’s not mentally healthy or sustainable to be without peers for over a year.

[Anonymous]

Online sports are not worth it. We have sports happening in Maryland. I don’t know what hard outside soccer has on anyone COVID wise.
My kids have been in private schools which have been open with some sports all year. I think people can find these activities. They may not be cheap anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG thanks for the list of chores but no, this is not what I need, really. School and other places have been bombarding me with suggestions of what *I* can do with my kid...um, no thanks. I miss all the in-person, low-cost options with minimum participation from me (I need to just bring the kid).
I am sorry, I don't mean to be hard on you, PP, but all these lists of activities is one of the things that make me cringe lately.

Have you actually tried giving your child concrete, meaningful chores to do though?

What I am hearing you saying is that your child needs to interact with other people and basically be entertained by others, and you have minimum engagement in the activity. I'm not saying that to be critical. But it sounds like your child is basically used to being entertained by others. And since they don't have that as much, they are trying to interact with you, and you are exhausted by it.

I am trying to offer you a suggestion: kids need to feel useful and engaged, but it doesn't have to be an activity that is directed by others. You are right -- no one is coming to help you out by reopening libraries and whatever else you want them to reopen.

You nee to teach your child to be interested in the boring at home options that are somewhat creative, meaningful and useful. Even if your kid never was interested in them before, you might find that now that there is so little to do, they will be bored enough to get into them.

Instead of turning up your nose at my suggestions, I encourage you to take this list or a similar one you have made, and go over it with your tween and TELL THEM you need their help around the house. Make them feel like they are actually needed. TELL them they have to pick 10 items off the list and do them and that you will help them, but that the goal is that they actually take some of these chores off of your to do list. Kids need to feel important and useful and competent. Let them do any chores they like off the list. By telling them it has to be 10... they might find 3 or 4 they actually really enjoy.

Kids are so much happier when they have useful and creative tasks to do. They go from being dependent on others for intellectual stimulation and unable to bear even a few moments of boredom, into capable kids able to handle frustration and problem solve. They become a lot more fun to live with, too.

Just a thought.

Op here. It has more to do with me. I am tired of being the school and the extended day activities for my kid. Ok? This is just part of the problem though because my kid needs to be somewhere where he doesn’t have an option to whine for electronics. I can’t take him out every day ok?

So, basically you don't enjoy being a parent as that's what parents do.

I knew you would use this tired argument.
If I don’t want to work 18 hr days, does it mean I don’t like my job?
If I don’t enjoy doing something I am overqualified for but can’t outsource, do I hate my job?

Being a parent is not equal to your list and it’s what you choose when you choose to have kids.

No, I didn't choose to be cooped up with my 10 yo 24/7. Kids were going to school when I was pregnant, you know? Anyway, your arguments are stupid. Good bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

I don't know what other people's situation is but for me, I am not really friends with any of the parents in my kid's class. For one reason or another he is not invited for playdates. I have invited two of his friends. One just never reciprocated, the other's mom said she would get back to me and never did. I am not going to try again, I just don't have the energy. At school they were seeing each other naturally, I didn't have to do anything. same with aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Online sports are not worth it. We have sports happening in Maryland. I don’t know what hard outside soccer has on anyone COVID wise.
My kids have been in private schools which have been open with some sports all year. I think people can find these activities. They may not be cheap anymore.

You are right, not cheap. My kid is in 2 activities. I don't have money for more of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

Yeah, you need to take it down a notch.

Yeah, literally most of the parents here were talking about how their children were making great sacrifices in a critical period of their lives. Children as a whole are giving up the most during the pandemic. These are documented and increasing harms. At some point, you have to consider whether responsible adults should be making potential sacrifices in support of the actual sacrifices of children, who lack agency here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

Yeah, you need to take it down a notch.

Yeah, literally most of the parents here were talking about how their children were making great sacrifices in a critical period of their lives. Children as a whole are giving up the most during the pandemic. These are documented and increasing harms. At some point, you have to consider whether responsible adults should be making potential sacrifices in support of the actual sacrifices of children, who lack agency here.

yeah i know people here are super protective of adult lives in one profession, but we have knowledge of the health outcomes for children with lower educational attainment. Lower education is a significant factor in a reduced lifespan. this is know. probably this won't be your child, but i encourage you to think outside of yourselves.

it is time to compare the ongoing and increasing actual harm to a generation of children versus the potential for harm to a small number of adults. a moral thinker will come down on the side of those experiencing actual, accumulated harm.

or, said another way, if you don't come down on the side of the children, you're not thinking morally.

[Anonymous]

like i don't know how there are so many people who have children, and who can only look at present harm and not clear evidence of greater future harm. the moral calculus here is...ugh...i worry for our future.

i say this as someone who doesn't even have a child, but who cares deeply about education and evidence, and data-driven best practices.

[Anonymous]

this is the reason we haven't grappled with climate change--we have such a difficult time placing value on future outcomes relative to present sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand the argument that parents are making about how their children “need to see their friends” so schools should open. It’s like people have blinders on and refuse to acknowledge that isolation is literally the only way to control the spread of the virus. Of course your children are isolated. If they aren’t, you’re not doing it right. Does it suck? Yes. Does dying alone gasping for air on a ventilator also suck? Yes.

Further, if you really think it’s safe for groups of people to gather together, nothing is stopping you from allowing your child to hang out with their friends. Nothing. It doesn’t mean we need to endanger thousands of people who actually care about mitigation and preventing the spread of the new variants (and further mutation of the virus). Do people not understand that we could wind up with vaccine resistant strains and prolong the pandemic by YEARS by refusing to comply with social distancing? I’m so sick of living this way because some people refuse to make ANY sacrifices.

Yeah, you need to take it down a notch.

Yeah, literally most of the parents here were talking about how their children were making great sacrifices in a critical period of their lives. Children as a whole are giving up the most during the pandemic. These are documented and increasing harms. At some point, you have to consider whether responsible adults should be making potential sacrifices in support of the actual sacrifices of children, who lack agency here.

yeah i know people here are super protective of adult lives in one profession, but we have knowledge of the health outcomes for children with lower educational attainment. Lower education is a significant factor in a reduced lifespan. this is know. probably this won't be your child, but i encourage you to think outside of yourselves.

it is time to compare the ongoing and increasing actual harm to a generation of children versus the potential for harm to a small number of adults. a moral thinker will come down on the side of those experiencing actual, accumulated harm.

or, said another way, if you don't come down on the side of the children, you're not thinking morally.

You don’t get to ask other adults to sacrifice for your children. That’s outrageous. You’re free to sacrifice whatever you want for them. I’m not going to sacrifice my own health and abandon my children for yours. Dream on.

[Anonymous]

Are you a teacher, PP?
If so - know that millions of women have given up jobs and career advancement to stay at home to help their children. Millions. We are, as women, employed at rates now from the 1970s.

So, if you are a teacher and refuse to work IN PERSON - QUIT. Stop collecting your pay other and benefits.

And stop the drama of “you are sacrificing” if you have to be in person. Are you a smoker, obese or above 65?
Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I think it’s time to reiterate my initial message. I hear people saying “why can’t school organize an outdoor masked event”. The whole point is that NOBODY cares about your child’s well-being except you. Certain activities or schools are interested because they want to make money off your kids. And there’s nothing wrong with it - that’s why we have certain things still open. Paid activities and maybe even fun stuff.
Public institutions that are heavily subsidized still get money even though they are either closed or virtual. They don’t care your kids don’t get to choose books at the library or learn to swim without paying an arm and a leg.
Nobody is there to save you. You have to either pay a lot of money or stay home or be your child’s coach, teacher, and organizer of social events.
I am taking the latter route to the extent possible but it’s burning me out big time, and I am breaking rules because the kid travels, sees friends indoors, etc.

I mean this is true. I’m a joiner and starter and a organizer and a PTA Exec board member at times. I definitely understand that if you want something, you often gotta do it yourself.