I’m SO flipping sick of my teenagers

[Anonymous]

Did any of you ever take psychology 101? Some of the most stressful times in people's lives, are moving, getting a new job, getting married, etc., but number one is always living with teenagers.

Never have I heard from a less empathetic bunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't need to go back to school they need a better parent.

F*** off. This is difficult for everyone.

NP here. It is super easy for me. My teens are doing great and I am doing great. DL is working out fine. My kids don't have attitude because I have devoted a lot of time in raising them and have not outsourced their care to others. Only today I was thinking that except for the loss of meeting people in a social setting, the pandemic has turned out to be pretty good. We are able to effectively quarantine ourselves, eat good food, stay in comfort in our home and get along with each other.

I agree with others who have mentioned that the "pseudo"-parents who never spent time with their children are now finding them tedious.

Be careful about being this smug. Life has a way of humbling you. You’re also not modeling much empathy, understanding, or open mindedness at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teenage years are supposed to be for slowly separating from parents and learning independence. That's a completely natural process and hard to do right now. So parents and teens who are ready for that next step, but can't do it are understandably frustrated.

People are "aren't having any problems" with their teens at home might be in for a surprise when the day eventually comes they need to step out on their own.

The process of learning independence and responsibility is not that of conflict and rebellion in a functioning household/family. My kids started to learn independence and domestic skills much before their teen years. They are mature and self-aware enough to know that this pandemic situation is an anomaly. They are more capable than many adults to find ways to keep themselves gainfully occupied during this period. You give your kids time, respect and consideration and they will give you back the same. Please don't be a snowflake or raise a snowflake. Most of us are employed, healthy and have a roof over our heads. Teach them to be grateful for their life.

Oh please. Teenage rebellion is as old as time, and thank God, or we’d be down a few key works of literature and probably all of rock and roll.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old DD spends a lot of time with us, and seeks out her company, but I’m sure she would much rather spend time with friends — she just doesn’t have any. She’s shy and socially awkward, and friendships haven’t come easily to her, so her social community is her family, and we are very close. It has been a source of heartbreak, but she is resilient and has adapted by allowing us to be her support, her cheerleaders and her social mirror, when typically that should be fulfilled by her peers.

I enjoy our relationship, but worry she’s not experiencing that important milestone of differentiating from her parents, which includes all of the negative behavior that PPs describe. I think it’s a very natural part of adolescence, when they are trying to be their own people while they have one foot in childhood, and peers are their world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I was sick of my teenage son’s antics before Covid. It’s about the age, not the parenting or circumstances. Similarly he was sick of our rules.

It’s a age appropriate response for 16+.

Part of it is parenting, especially when you refuse to look at your parenting and change to better meet your child's needs.

Oh yes thank you. The nerve of me to have and enforce a curfew for a 17 year old, or not to allow him to smoke weed. Let me change my parenting to meet his desire to do whatever he wants.

So happy to have you here for guidance.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure there is a pompous troll over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day I was thinking “And this is why 18th century parents sent their teens off to apprentice with other people.” Throughout human history, no one has really wanted to spend this much time with their teenagers. Its unnatrual.

this is great

It is also true. Anyone who knows a thing about child development in the teen years knows this and should understand it.

And yet, no one can prove it with scientific citations.

You’re just blowing smoke out of your a**.

How about you Google “teenage developmental stages” and find one source that doesn’t talk about the very normal need for kids to establish social and emotional independence from their parents, or their very normal preference for friends/peers over their parents.

The burden of proof is on those who blow smoke out of their a**es.

No, laziass, it’s on you to educate yourself. Or do you not know how to do basic research before forming an opinion?

NP

Nope. Burden of proof is on you. If you make a claim that you can’t back up with proof, then you have no claim. Simple.
Also love how you call the poster who called you out a lazy ass. Look in the mirror, please. And learn the rules of debate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day I was thinking “And this is why 18th century parents sent their teens off to apprentice with other people.” Throughout human history, no one has really wanted to spend this much time with their teenagers. Its unnatrual.

this is great

It is also true. Anyone who knows a thing about child development in the teen years knows this and should understand it.

And yet, no one can prove it with scientific citations.

You’re just blowing smoke out of your a**.

How about you Google “teenage developmental stages” and find one source that doesn’t talk about the very normal need for kids to establish social and emotional independence from their parents, or their very normal preference for friends/peers over their parents.

The burden of proof is on those who blow smoke out of their a**es.

No, laziass, it’s on you to educate yourself. Or do you not know how to do basic research before forming an opinion?

NP

Nope. Burden of proof is on you. If you make a claim that you can’t back up with proof, then you have no claim. Simple.
Also love how you call the poster who called you out a lazy ass. Look in the mirror, please. And learn the rules of debate.

I've sort of lost track of what exactly you scientific citation posters are asking for, but if it's support for the concept of teenage-parent conflict being totally normal and healthy, and not indicative of familial dysfunction, then here:

https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/cdep.12278

"Although conflicts between parents and children become more frequent and more intense during adolescence, these conflicts are also thought to be a means to negotiate relational changes. The short‐term dyadic processes that occur during conflict interactions are important in the development of parent–adolescent relationships. Parent–adolescent dyads with more emotional variability during conflict interactions tend to adapt effectively and reorganize their relationships in response to the developmental needs of adolescents. Thus, parent–adolescent conflicts are adaptive for relational development when parents and adolescents can switch flexibly between a range of positive and negative emotions."

It's a slow day at work... I'm sure I can find more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Functional families and marriages very quickly adapted to the challenges of this pandemic. Lots of dysfunctional families and marriages are struggling though.

Many people are terrible parents anyways and cannot handle parenting if childcare to some extent is not outsourced. Poor children. They didn't ask to be born. And not to these parents.

My family is doing just fine and I find this post really disturbing and off-the-mark. What a rigid, humorless person you must have to be to equate being exasperated by your teenagers with being a dysfunctional terrible parent. You’re really too much.

+1

PP sounds like a smug B.oomer.

[Anonymous]

OMG...we can love our teens and find then incredibly annoying at times....and vice versa...they can love us and find us incredibly annoying as well!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teenage years are supposed to be for slowly separating from parents and learning independence. That's a completely natural process and hard to do right now. So parents and teens who are ready for that next step, but can't do it are understandably frustrated.

People are "aren't having any problems" with their teens at home might be in for a surprise when the day eventually comes they need to step out on their own.

The process of learning independence and responsibility is not that of conflict and rebellion in a functioning household/family. My kids started to learn independence and domestic skills much before their teen years. They are mature and self-aware enough to know that this pandemic situation is an anomaly. They are more capable than many adults to find ways to keep themselves gainfully occupied during this period. You give your kids time, respect and consideration and they will give you back the same. Please don't be a snowflake or raise a snowflake. Most of us are employed, healthy and have a roof over our heads. Teach them to be grateful for their life.

Oh please. Teenage rebellion is as old as time, and thank God, or we’d be down a few key works of literature and probably all of rock and roll.

Teenage rebellion that results in creativity is indeed very welcome. What op is talking about is not rebellion but unhappy home environment and kids acting out.
Her kids are not making new music in the garage or trying to change the world. No. They are deeply unhappy and think that their parents are not worthy of their respect.
All for teen rebellion. I'm fact they can join BLM or Greta Thunbirg and try and change the world for the better. That's not what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Functional families and marriages very quickly adapted to the challenges of this pandemic. Lots of dysfunctional families and marriages are struggling though.

Many people are terrible parents anyways and cannot handle parenting if childcare to some extent is not outsourced. Poor children. They didn't ask to be born. And not to these parents.

My family is doing just fine and I find this post really disturbing and off-the-mark. What a rigid, humorless person you must have to be to equate being exasperated by your teenagers with being a dysfunctional terrible parent. You’re really too much.

Why post horrible things about your kids if you were doing just fine? Why so vested in what anonymous people are writing? You what all over your kids and want them back at school at the time of pandemic. People have only reacted to the tone and words of what you have written. Your kids would be not happy to know what you wrote about them. Now you want to backtrack and pretend everything is ok? You seem like a drama queen and an attention whore. No wonder your kids disrespect you and have an attitude with you. You are getting back exactly what you have invested in your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you ever take psychology 101? Some of the most stressful times in people's lives, are moving, getting a new job, getting married, etc., but number one is always living with teenagers.

Never have I heard from a less empathetic bunch.

Some teens are living in abusive households. It's no picnic for them too to be with deranged parents. I have empathy for teens too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Functional families and marriages very quickly adapted to the challenges of this pandemic. Lots of dysfunctional families and marriages are struggling though.

Many people are terrible parents anyways and cannot handle parenting if childcare to some extent is not outsourced. Poor children. They didn't ask to be born. And not to these parents.

My family is doing just fine and I find this post really disturbing and off-the-mark. What a rigid, humorless person you must have to be to equate being exasperated by your teenagers with being a dysfunctional terrible parent. You’re really too much.

+1

PP sounds like a smug B.oomer.

Not a Boomer. A successful Gen-X parent. No smugness. Just thankful that I am not a bitch to my kids and have not raised PITA children. Thankful that we can all coexist peacefully and productively. Can not imagine how people are wasting all this extra time and are unable to adapt to the reality of this pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think posts here are just "inner voices" being typed out loud, and really we ALL have thoughts sometimes that aren't ideal. Of course, it is our choice whether or not to express them.

I think people may be overreading into OP's post. That is on OP for not putting any mitigating info in there, like, maybe you love your kids?

But more to the point: it is hard to deal with mood swings of teens, even if they are great people and generally kind like mine is. I just sometimes cant keep up. I give her a lot of space, Im always there if she needs me, but my goodness sometimes the head bitten off reaction is a bit much. And there isnt much rhyme or reason to it. Because it has nothing to do with me. Where it does, it very different and I may need to check my own attitude.

OP forget about school. It wont save you. You better find some ways to cope and fast. Its hard, but, it can be done. Try to not personalize their reactions and find ways to get away from it all so you can refill your cope cup. Seriously. Take that time out and make it mandatory people leave you alone. Try not to be too b***y about it, just say its going to happen and thats that. THen you may find you are way more patient.