Never Have I Ever (Netflix)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ just to follow up, it would be nice if there were shows about South Asians without their “Indian-ness” being the focus. That’s all. Just a vent.

And then people would complain they were white-washing things and ignoring/hiding their culture. People are going to complain either way.

[Anonymous]

I’m Indian American, 43. Loved Mindy in the office. Was not in love with this. I couldn’t relate to the main character at all, not all of us were such earnest dorks. The jokes were also crude without being funny. The mom seemed my age but was acting like an auntie from my grandmother’s generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s entertaining but outdated in some ways imo. Most Indian kids/teenagers nowadays don’t have the same level of identity crisis and embarrassment about Indian traditions as before. The Ganapati puja episode was probably lifted straight from Mindy Kaling’s childhood. People don’t do arranged marriages like in the show either. You can go on dates and the guy is typically not going to come over and do a meet and greet with the whole family.

Idk, I'm South Indian (raised in CA) and my mom is an informal matchmaker for our community. The arranged marriage scene is actually not that different than it was 20 years ago - the "meet and greet" might not occur on the first date, but there is definitely a strong emphasis on no more than 1-2 dates unless both parties think engagement is likely, so as not to waste anyone's time. My mom just did a set up of two family friends' children (both doctors) and she thought that scene/storyline rang pretty true.

Some are like this, and some aren’t. There is variance among Indian families.

What I don’t like about the show is this assumption that she is a nerd or “less than” because she’s Indian. If I showed this to my DD she would be startled, and hurt. Of course she is young still (middle school), but I reject the premise and also think it’s a bit old school. I can see how non Indian families may like it.

PP you should watch the British tv show Sex Education on Netflix. The Indian high school kids are actually “the cool kids” and their “Indian-ness” is rarely the focus.

[Anonymous]

Mindy got a lot of flack on TMP, The Office, and Champions for never doing Indian stuff and continually dating white, Jewish men. Here, people complain the show is "too Indian." This is what we do to women of color. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s entertaining but outdated in some ways imo. Most Indian kids/teenagers nowadays don’t have the same level of identity crisis and embarrassment about Indian traditions as before. The Ganapati puja episode was probably lifted straight from Mindy Kaling’s childhood. People don’t do arranged marriages like in the show either. You can go on dates and the guy is typically not going to come over and do a meet and greet with the whole family.

Idk, I'm South Indian (raised in CA) and my mom is an informal matchmaker for our community. The arranged marriage scene is actually not that different than it was 20 years ago - the "meet and greet" might not occur on the first date, but there is definitely a strong emphasis on no more than 1-2 dates unless both parties think engagement is likely, so as not to waste anyone's time. My mom just did a set up of two family friends' children (both doctors) and she thought that scene/storyline rang pretty true.

Some are like this, and some aren’t. There is variance among Indian families.

What I don’t like about the show is this assumption that she is a nerd or “less than” because she’s Indian. If I showed this to my DD she would be startled, and hurt. Of course she is young still (middle school), but I reject the premise and also think it’s a bit old school. I can see how non Indian families may like it.

PP you should watch the British tv show Sex Education on Netflix. The Indian high school kids are actually “the cool kids” and their “Indian-ness” is rarely the focus.

Thanks! I’ll check it out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is proving my point that we need more stories like these. I have lived overseas in Asia for many years (not in India) and even I did not know you do not say Hindi American.

The show itself did not use the word Tamil, to my knowledge.

The show focused on Indian Americans that happen to be vegetarian, but many Indians are not. (Indians who are Muslim don’t eat pork, for example, but they eat other types of meat.

I would be that the majority of people in America watching this on Netflix who are not Indian American (so most people) would have questions about these things.

Since we’re educating each other here, I’ll add that plenty of Hindus aren’t vegetarian. It depends on what community you’re from. If you go to a Rajput gathering, chances are you should get prepared to eat plenty of meat! Not beef, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mindy got a lot of flack on TMP, The Office, and Champions for never doing Indian stuff and continually dating white, Jewish men. Here, people complain the show is "too Indian." This is what we do to women of color. FFS.

Different tv shows can tell different stories. We can have tv shows where the main character's Indian heritage is not an important part of the storyline. We can also have tv shows where the heritage aspect is the primary or important. Both are equally valid and important.

However, because there is little portrayal of Indian-Americans in the media, any time there's a tv show with an Indian-American focus, there's a certain pressure for the tv show to be all things to all people. Being able to speak to all Indian-American experiences isn't realistic when there's a huge range of experiences depending when their parents immigrated, where they grew up, SES, specific ethnic/religious group, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here who wrote Hindi American. I’m sorry I made that mistake, I was trying to show that I understand that there are many Indian ethnicities. I guess I goofed.

All the more reason to have stories like these.

FWIW, it bugs me when anyone calls someone from a country in Latin America “Spanish”. No, they probably SPEAK Spanish, (unless they are from Brazil where they speak Portuguese or something), but unless they are from Spain, they are not “Spanish”. Or “Mexican”, necessarily, unless they are from Mexico.

You don’t need to tell people there are many Indian ethnicities if you don’t even know the difference between the language and the religion.

Good grief, give it a rest. Part of being insulted is knowing intent. Clearly this poster was not trying to be offensive so how about a gentle correction with a little grace. Geez.

- Hindu, Indian that has been truly ridiculed and misjudged many times. This is not an intended insult.

Another Indian-American, and I’m ok with her response too. She’s learning. Hindi is one of many languages spoken in India. The main character was a Tamil speaking family, from the Southern part of India. Hindu is the religion. Just go with Indian American or South Asian American in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mindy got a lot of flack on TMP, The Office, and Champions for never doing Indian stuff and continually dating white, Jewish men. Here, people complain the show is "too Indian." This is what we do to women of color. FFS.

Different tv shows can tell different stories. We can have tv shows where the main character's Indian heritage is not an important part of the storyline. We can also have tv shows where the heritage aspect is the primary or important. Both are equally valid and important.

However, because there is little portrayal of Indian-Americans in the media, any time there's a tv show with an Indian-American focus, there's a certain pressure for the tv show to be all things to all people. Being able to speak to all Indian-American experiences isn't realistic when there's a huge range of experiences depending when their parents immigrated, where they grew up, SES, specific ethnic/religious group, etc.

I used to roll my eyes at Mindy, and I still think she has a bias for white guys that is a little odd. But I think she is someone who, like many minorities, is growing and struggling with being different. It is really quite hard to be part of such a small minority (especially when she grew up) and not have some issues about it.

She had an interview where she talked about how people always ask her about race and being a relatively bigger woman in Hollywood. But that white male comedians and writers just get to talk about their art. Mindy only gets to do that after touching on all the other stuff. And she can’t just make something funny. She has to think about all these other things too. I personally think that’s life and she does need to deal with that, but agree that it’s an added burden.

She also has done a good job creating jobs for herself and creating new content. As she has grown professionally, she is shedding light on stories that aren’t always shown and giving jobs to many people who might not traditionally get lead roles. Even if you look at Indian actresses in India, they are neither her size nor her color. So, good for her! I just heard she’s going to write Legally Blonde 3. Can’t wait to see what else is next for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Indian American, 43. Loved Mindy in the office. Was not in love with this. I couldn’t relate to the main character at all, not all of us were such earnest dorks. The jokes were also crude without being funny. The mom seemed my age but was acting like an auntie from my grandmother’s generation.

This comment is so strange to me- of course not all people in any group fit into one category of personality type (as you said "earnest dork"). I don't think this show at any point tried to claim all Indian Americans are dorks or all half Japanese Americans are hot cool guys. Some criticisms make no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is proving my point that we need more stories like these. I have lived overseas in Asia for many years (not in India) and even I did not know you do not say Hindi American.

The show itself did not use the word Tamil, to my knowledge.

The show focused on Indian Americans that happen to be vegetarian, but many Indians are not. (Indians who are Muslim don’t eat pork, for example, but they eat other types of meat.

I would be that the majority of people in America watching this on Netflix who are not Indian American (so most people) would have questions about these things.

Since we’re educating each other here, I’ll add that plenty of Hindus aren’t vegetarian. It depends on what community you’re from. If you go to a Rajput gathering, chances are you should get prepared to eat plenty of meat! Not beef, though.

Very true. Many of us are meat eaters. Very few Hindus who would opt to eat beef. I liked the episode where the mom scolds her for putting books down on the floor. This is a strict no in Hindu households ..books =knowledge = goddess Saraswati. I didn’t like the mom being so outdated though. Indian moms I know are quite hip. The dad is so hot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is proving my point that we need more stories like these. I have lived overseas in Asia for many years (not in India) and even I did not know you do not say Hindi American.

The show itself did not use the word Tamil, to my knowledge.

The show focused on Indian Americans that happen to be vegetarian, but many Indians are not. (Indians who are Muslim don’t eat pork, for example, but they eat other types of meat.

I would be that the majority of people in America watching this on Netflix who are not Indian American (so most people) would have questions about these things.

Since we’re educating each other here, I’ll add that plenty of Hindus aren’t vegetarian. It depends on what community you’re from. If you go to a Rajput gathering, chances are you should get prepared to eat plenty of meat! Not beef, though.

Very true. Many of us are meat eaters. Very few Hindus who would opt to eat beef. I liked the episode where the mom scolds her for putting books down on the floor. This is a strict no in Hindu households ..books =knowledge = goddess Saraswati. I didn’t like the mom being so outdated though. Indian moms I know are quite hip. The dad is so hot!

Also in Jain households. Not all Indians are Hindus or Muslims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s entertaining but outdated in some ways imo. Most Indian kids/teenagers nowadays don’t have the same level of identity crisis and embarrassment about Indian traditions as before. The Ganapati puja episode was probably lifted straight from Mindy Kaling’s childhood. People don’t do arranged marriages like in the show either. You can go on dates and the guy is typically not going to come over and do a meet and greet with the whole family.

Idk, I'm South Indian (raised in CA) and my mom is an informal matchmaker for our community. The arranged marriage scene is actually not that different than it was 20 years ago - the "meet and greet" might not occur on the first date, but there is definitely a strong emphasis on no more than 1-2 dates unless both parties think engagement is likely, so as not to waste anyone's time. My mom just did a set up of two family friends' children (both doctors) and she thought that scene/storyline rang pretty true.

Some are like this, and some aren’t. There is variance among Indian families.

What I don’t like about the show is this assumption that she is a nerd or “less than” because she’s Indian. If I showed this to my DD she would be startled, and hurt. Of course she is young still (middle school), but I reject the premise and also think it’s a bit old school. I can see how non Indian families may like it.

I didn't get the sense that she is a nerd because she's Indian. Just that she and her friends are nerds.

The show has a South Asian kid who's a nerd. But also a Jewish kid and a black/Latina kid and some white girls who are nerdy too. And an East Asian kid who's really into theater. And an East Asian/white kid who's kind of a dumb jock, with a sibling with Down Syndrome who's really into fashion. I don't think it's assuming that only Asian kids are nerdy or that all Asians are nerds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s entertaining but outdated in some ways imo. Most Indian kids/teenagers nowadays don’t have the same level of identity crisis and embarrassment about Indian traditions as before. The Ganapati puja episode was probably lifted straight from Mindy Kaling’s childhood. People don’t do arranged marriages like in the show either. You can go on dates and the guy is typically not going to come over and do a meet and greet with the whole family.

Idk, I'm South Indian (raised in CA) and my mom is an informal matchmaker for our community. The arranged marriage scene is actually not that different than it was 20 years ago - the "meet and greet" might not occur on the first date, but there is definitely a strong emphasis on no more than 1-2 dates unless both parties think engagement is likely, so as not to waste anyone's time. My mom just did a set up of two family friends' children (both doctors) and she thought that scene/storyline rang pretty true.

Some are like this, and some aren’t. There is variance among Indian families.

What I don’t like about the show is this assumption that she is a nerd or “less than” because she’s Indian. If I showed this to my DD she would be startled, and hurt. Of course she is young still (middle school), but I reject the premise and also think it’s a bit old school. I can see how non Indian families may like it.

I didn't get the sense that she is a nerd because she's Indian. Just that she and her friends are nerds.

The show has a South Asian kid who's a nerd. But also a Jewish kid and a black/Latina kid and some white girls who are nerdy too. And an East Asian kid who's really into theater. And an East Asian/white kid who's kind of a dumb jock, with a sibling with Down Syndrome who's really into fashion. I don't think it's assuming that only Asian kids are nerdy or that all Asians are nerds.

She doesn't seem that nerdy compared to the kids around here who would have an AP Calc book rather than a geometry one.

[Anonymous]

I finished this over the weekend. What a sweet show! I love the mom. She had great lines and delivered them so well. My best friend growing up was Indian American (Bengali) and some of the scenes felt like being back at her house. I got yelled at for having books on the floor near my feet during a study session. Her mom (like a second mom) made me go with them to get blessed the next time. Remarkably my friend was more like the Stanford student returning home on the show, realizing early how cool and beautiful her culture is. I was less confident in high school and would probably have been more like Devi, ashamed or feeling apart of it, at least until the cool guy said the sari looked pretty.