Age not to take boy into restaurant ladies bathroom

[Anonymous]

Dads of daughters have the tougher call because they may not want to have their daughters see men at a urinal. If I were someplace super sketchy like a highway rest stop with no family restroom, I'd be pretty understanding if a dad was waiting outside a stall when I came in and politely explained that his daughter was using the restroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're fine at least until 6 in my opinion, maybe up to 8.

Can't remember when we stopped saying potty-- maybe 5? 4 seems fine for this too.

Six
8 is way too old. You can stand outside men's room and wait for him. I did it with both of my sons. Also, please remember the age limit for dressing rooms at pools!

Honest question- how am I supposed to help my son get undressed/dressed from his wet pool clothes at age 4 when the changing room age limit is, in fact, 3 and under at our pool this summer? I certainly "remember the age limit" as you state I should. But there is no family changing room. And my 4 year old is going to need some help getting out of his swim suit, rinsing off, and putting on his dry clothes. Like... do moms of girls realize how ridiculous some of these changing room rules are? If there is a family changing room, great. But otherwise, moms of older preschool aged boys are basically F-ed.

Yep, it sucked. Sometimes I would let my preschool aged boys just pee outside because there was no other good solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're fine at least until 6 in my opinion, maybe up to 8.

Can't remember when we stopped saying potty-- maybe 5? 4 seems fine for this too.

Six
8 is way too old. You can stand outside men's room and wait for him. I did it with both of my sons. Also, please remember the age limit for dressing rooms at pools!

Honest question- how am I supposed to help my son get undressed/dressed from his wet pool clothes at age 4 when the changing room age limit is, in fact, 3 and under at our pool this summer? I certainly "remember the age limit" as you state I should. But there is no family changing room. And my 4 year old is going to need some help getting out of his swim suit, rinsing off, and putting on his dry clothes. Like... do moms of girls realize how ridiculous some of these changing room rules are? If there is a family changing room, great. But otherwise, moms of older preschool aged boys are basically F-ed.

Yep, it sucked. Sometimes I would let my preschool aged boys just pee outside because there was no other good solution.

I'm a rule follower with these sorts of things and there is no way I would follow a rule about a 3 year old changing room limit. My 3 year old would be too shy to go into a changing room alone and if he did, he wouldn't be able to fully undress/redress himself while in a wet swimsuit - at least not in any less time than maybe 45 min . That is an insane age limit for a changing room and if that were my pool I would absolutely talk to management about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're fine at least until 6 in my opinion, maybe up to 8.

Can't remember when we stopped saying potty-- maybe 5? 4 seems fine for this too.

Six
8 is way too old. You can stand outside men's room and wait for him. I did it with both of my sons. Also, please remember the age limit for dressing rooms at pools!

Honest question- how am I supposed to help my son get undressed/dressed from his wet pool clothes at age 4 when the changing room age limit is, in fact, 3 and under at our pool this summer? I certainly "remember the age limit" as you state I should. But there is no family changing room. And my 4 year old is going to need some help getting out of his swim suit, rinsing off, and putting on his dry clothes. Like... do moms of girls realize how ridiculous some of these changing room rules are? If there is a family changing room, great. But otherwise, moms of older preschool aged boys are basically F-ed.

Yep, it sucked. Sometimes I would let my preschool aged boys just pee outside because there was no other good solution.

I'm a rule follower with these sorts of things and there is no way I would follow a rule about a 3 year old changing room limit. My 3 year old would be too shy to go into a changing room alone and if he did, he wouldn't be able to fully undress/redress himself while in a wet swimsuit - at least not in any less time than maybe 45 min . That is an insane age limit for a changing room and if that were my pool I would absolutely talk to management about it.

3 is crazy young!

[Anonymous]

Mom of 3 here, with 2 boys. I'm bringing my boys into the ladies room for the foreseeable future, probably until 8 or 9, maybe a bit later depending on the circumstances. Ten is probably too old, although in a sketchy situation I'd still do that.

In any other situation, I wouldn't let my undressing and vulnerable child be around random unknown strangers who may or may not be in various stages of undress, all behind closed doors, so I'm not doing it in this situation either.

As for people being uncomfortable with it or whatever, they just need to get over it. People have been doing the same thing for decades, and the concept of gender seems to be pretty fluid these days anyway. If someone who has lived as a man for 30 years can decide tomorrow that they identify as female and then are allowed to use the womens' bathrooms then my young child is allowed in too.

My benchmark is whether my child would be able to encounter a predator by themselves and handle it appropriately (including not being traumatized by the process). That's my concern, not what anyone else thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be strange. I think the woman's room is all stalls so I don't care what age the child is if a Mom is bring a son into the bathroom. It is not like we are going to the bathroom with open doors. The child is not going to be watching me do my business. My 7 year old won't go in the woman's room and he is able to go to the bathroom in the men's room solo so I let him. We do have an occasional reminder of what to do if he is uncomfortable or worried about someones behavior.

We do use the family restroom in situations that I am not comfortable, like a bathroom with multiple exits.

Most bathrooms that I've been in, the stall doors do not completely cover the entrance of the stall. There is a wide space on either side of the door, and it's definitely possible to see someone on the other side if you are intently looking.

And so what if a 4 year old boy sees you peeing?! Or a 6 year old boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're fine at least until 6 in my opinion, maybe up to 8.

Can't remember when we stopped saying potty-- maybe 5? 4 seems fine for this too.

Six
8 is way too old. You can stand outside men's room and wait for him. I did it with both of my sons. Also, please remember the age limit for dressing rooms at pools!

Honest question- how am I supposed to help my son get undressed/dressed from his wet pool clothes at age 4 when the changing room age limit is, in fact, 3 and under at our pool this summer? I certainly "remember the age limit" as you state I should. But there is no family changing room. And my 4 year old is going to need some help getting out of his swim suit, rinsing off, and putting on his dry clothes. Like... do moms of girls realize how ridiculous some of these changing room rules are? If there is a family changing room, great. But otherwise, moms of older preschool aged boys are basically F-ed.

Yep, it sucked. Sometimes I would let my preschool aged boys just pee outside because there was no other good solution.

I'm a rule follower with these sorts of things and there is no way I would follow a rule about a 3 year old changing room limit. My 3 year old would be too shy to go into a changing room alone and if he did, he wouldn't be able to fully undress/redress himself while in a wet swimsuit - at least not in any less time than maybe 45 min . That is an insane age limit for a changing room and if that were my pool I would absolutely talk to management about it.

+1

3 is completely ridiculous. I'd probably also put them on notice that with such an unreasonable limit, they're likely opening themselves up to lawsuits if there are any incidents there. I can't imagine a judge or jury agreeing that it's appropriate to force little preschoolers to undress by themselves around strange adults at the age of 3 or 4. It's completely ridiculous and would be funny if it weren't so dangerous.

[Anonymous]

5?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be strange. I think the woman's room is all stalls so I don't care what age the child is if a Mom is bring a son into the bathroom. It is not like we are going to the bathroom with open doors. The child is not going to be watching me do my business. My 7 year old won't go in the woman's room and he is able to go to the bathroom in the men's room solo so I let him. We do have an occasional reminder of what to do if he is uncomfortable or worried about someones behavior.

We do use the family restroom in situations that I am not comfortable, like a bathroom with multiple exits.

Most bathrooms that I've been in, the stall doors do not completely cover the entrance of the stall. There is a wide space on either side of the door, and it's definitely possible to see someone on the other side if you are intently looking.

And so what if a 4 year old boy sees you peeing?! Or a 6 year old boy?

If someone is "intently looking" through the door to see if they can watch someone using the toilet then that's an enormous parenting fail. It has nothing to do with a decision to bring a small boy into a female restroom.

- Mom of 3 (with 2 boys)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 3 here, with 2 boys. I'm bringing my boys into the ladies room for the foreseeable future, probably until 8 or 9, maybe a bit later depending on the circumstances. Ten is probably too old, although in a sketchy situation I'd still do that.

In any other situation, I wouldn't let my undressing and vulnerable child be around random unknown strangers who may or may not be in various stages of undress, all behind closed doors, so I'm not doing it in this situation either.

As for people being uncomfortable with it or whatever, they just need to get over it. People have been doing the same thing for decades, and the concept of gender seems to be pretty fluid these days anyway. If someone who has lived as a man for 30 years can decide tomorrow that they identify as female and then are allowed to use the womens' bathrooms then my young child is allowed in too.

My benchmark is whether my child would be able to encounter a predator by themselves and handle it appropriately (including not being traumatized by the process). That's my concern, not what anyone else thinks.

+100

My 8 yo often requests to go into the men's room now, which I'm generally fine with. But when I'm uncomfortable with the situation/surroundings, he's sure as hell coming in with me. I don't get how this should be any different than picking a bathroom based on your gender identity, which most people seem to support around here?

[Anonymous]

I actually don't mind little boys in the restroom so long as there are private stalls. What irritates me more is when moms bring their sons older than 5 in locker rooms or in the changing area of swim facilities. Thankfully our swim facility now enforces no kids over 5 of the opposite sex in the changing area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He still sits to potty.

Three pages of comments, and no one mentions this?

My boys never pee’d sitting down. What do you mean, he “still” sits to potty? Stand him up!

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you do what you have to do, and if your 8 year old isn’t responsible enough to go to the bathroom alone, you take them to the women’s bathroom.

However, I really think boys over the age of 5 or so should not go into Women’s locker rooms. My daughter became really self conscious changing in front of a boy her age in the locker room at the pool once, and I thought it was crazy that mommy brought him in there (he, and my DD, were about 5).

I don't understand why people even do this. I never even took my sons in the locker room at the pool. I would literally (even when they were well below the age to be allowed in there) enter at the shower end, use the showers closest to the entrance, and then just dress them super quickly in there. The one time we used the locker room to change (we weren't coming from home) there was a little girl from pre-school in the locker room. Yikes!

So facilities are all laid out differently. I don't know why I have to point this out. Locker rooms are not always separated. At our swim school, the "locker room" was really just a big room with benches, shelves overhead, and two stalls with toilets. The showering part was a room you had to go through the locker room to get to.

I'm the PP you are responding to, and if I had to walk my sons through through a room of naked women and girls to get to the shower I would just shower my kids at home. That's not fair to anyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mom, with a young girl about 4-5 years old, gave me a look at a restaurant ladies bathroom when I entered with my 4 year old boy. That mom gave me a look again when we exited the bathroom again. That made me uncomfortable. When should I stop bringing my boy into ladies bathroom? And, what is the minimum age that you would feel comfortable for your boy to go into men bathroom by himself? He still sits to potty. And one more question, when should I stop saying going to potty? Is potty this word too childish?

You should stop. 4 is too old. And boys should pee standing up, if that's what you mean by potty as a verb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mom, with a young girl about 4-5 years old, gave me a look at a restaurant ladies bathroom when I entered with my 4 year old boy. That mom gave me a look again when we exited the bathroom again. That made me uncomfortable. When should I stop bringing my boy into ladies bathroom? And, what is the minimum age that you would feel comfortable for your boy to go into men bathroom by himself? He still sits to potty. And one more question, when should I stop saying going to potty? Is potty this word too childish?

You should stop. 4 is too old. And boys should pee standing up, if that's what you mean by potty as a verb.

Have you met many 4 year olds? What would they be doing in the ladies room that he could see that would present a problem?