Men only want one thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex seemed like such a small part of the marriage until my wife lost interest. Now it's the black cloud over the marriage. For those who see it as a trivial or only semi important factor, wait till your marriage goes cold then come chime in here.

Some wives lose interest in sex. Unsurprisingly, their husbands lose interest in monogamy. It all evens out though.

The older I get, the clearer it becomes to me that wives lose interest in sex WITH THEIR HUSBANDS.

There is actually a book abut this. Women, not men, get bored with monogamy more quickly than men. So here's to the woman who are patient with their husbands even though their husbands are boring sexual partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're an abject failure if you've made it to adulthood and believe that men don't need emotional support or close bonds.

I believe many men would say I can get that from somebody other than a wife or a significant other.

But why? I can have a close bond with a pet dog but that's not the same as having one with a spouse, either. Having a close bond with a spouse is way, way better than having a close bond with anyone else. If you haven't experienced that yet then keep trying.

Don't make me choose between my dog and my spouse.

DH here. I know that if DW is given a choice between me and the dogs, I should just pack my bags.

Good grief, you sound like a terrible husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part of toxic masculinity.

What’s toxic about wanting sex?

Nothing is toxic about wanting sex. What is toxic is perpetuating the notion that men only want sex. The message this sends to boys and young men and the pressure it puts them under is toxic.

Yes. Women and girls too. It is so toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

You're not always going to want sex when your partner does. Call it what you will, but it can still be another chore like mowing the yard, cleaning the house, etc. etc. It's part of compromising in a relationship, it's not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

? do better about what? That's the way men are. We can't control how men are. We can only control how we respond to how they are. Ask a man how many times he thinks about sex per day. How can a woman "do better" about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex seemed like such a small part of the marriage until my wife lost interest. Now it's the black cloud over the marriage. For those who see it as a trivial or only semi important factor, wait till your marriage goes cold then come chime in here.

Some wives lose interest in sex. Unsurprisingly, their husbands lose interest in monogamy. It all evens out though.

The older I get, the clearer it becomes to me that wives lose interest in sex WITH THEIR HUSBANDS.

There is actually a book abut this. Women, not men, get bored with monogamy more quickly than men. So here's to the woman who are patient with their husbands even though their husbands are boring sexual partners.

I love the instant flip-flop here from "women get bored" to "men are boring". Such agile mental gymnastics! Transformed it from a suggestion that women might be to blame - which is of course unthinkable on DCUM - into "really it's all men's fault" - in accordance with the basic principle of DCUM (namely, that any relationship, marital, or sexual problem is always 100% the man's fault).

Heidi Klum cheated on Seal. Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson. Were those guys boring? You can be a rock star or a movie star, and still the woman gets bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

He has to listen to your incessant emoting and chatter about people and things he doesn't care about. He does this just to keep you happy. So both sides have to make compromises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The question you are asking is whether the sexual aspect of the marriage is the most important. It's hard to quantify other than to say it's essential and for most men, including me, there is no marriage without it. Yes, I still love my wife and care about her, but its not a romantic connection and the heart moves on to others when the sex dies.

So, I'd add a caveat to this - sex in the marriage would not be the most important aspect to me if it went away due to reasons beyond either of our control. If my wife got a debilitating disease, for example. While I'd miss the sex, I would still love her and would value the marriage as something very much worth preserving even if it was sexless. I think this has to do with the "love language" thing. If it feels like she's deciding not to show me love through physical touch, it makes me feel unloved. If she's not being affectionate in that way because she can't, it would not make me feel unloved.

I think this is all very hypothetical. You don’t really know how you would feel. You may very well feel unloved even though you know it doesn’t logically make sense.
My husband had an orthopedic surgery a few months ago and wasn’t able to have sex for about six weeks because it caused him a lot of pain. He pretty much lost interest in the marriage until he healed. He did, conversely, become more interested in the kids. I don’t know what to make of that.

Easy...men equate sex with marriage and/or love. After the surgery, he couldn't address the #1 priority, so the #2 priority became the #1 priority.

That's the way it is for women.. children are the #1 priority, and sex/marriage is the #2 priority. That's why they say to make sure you don't neglect your marriage (sex) when the kids come along because for many women, children do become the #1 priority, and everything else is second, and men don't like that. That's why marriages suffer after kids come along... because the husband and wife have differing priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

? do better about what? That's the way men are. We can't control how men are. We can only control how we respond to how they are. Ask a man how many times he thinks about sex per day. How can a woman "do better" about that?

I'll let you in on a secret: you have been fooled if you think that all men think about sex constantly and that good marriages require duty sex. Not all men do. If woman are having duty sex out of the assumption that a) they must be in a relationship and b) that all men think about sex constantly, they can do better, if not in a relationship, in life.

I mean, to each their own, but being in a marriage with a pouty guy who demands sex when his partner doesn't want to sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

He has to listen to your incessant emoting and chatter about people and things he doesn't care about. He does this just to keep you happy. So both sides have to make compromises.

Yeah no. He cares about things that are important enough to me to talk about them.

Good lord apparently the world abounds in shitty marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex seemed like such a small part of the marriage until my wife lost interest. Now it's the black cloud over the marriage. For those who see it as a trivial or only semi important factor, wait till your marriage goes cold then come chime in here.

Some wives lose interest in sex. Unsurprisingly, their husbands lose interest in monogamy. It all evens out though.

The older I get, the clearer it becomes to me that wives lose interest in sex WITH THEIR HUSBANDS.

There is actually a book abut this. Women, not men, get bored with monogamy more quickly than men. So here's to the woman who are patient with their husbands even though their husbands are boring sexual partners.

I love the instant flip-flop here from "women get bored" to "men are boring". Such agile mental gymnastics! Transformed it from a suggestion that women might be to blame - which is of course unthinkable on DCUM - into "really it's all men's fault" - in accordance with the basic principle of DCUM (namely, that any relationship, marital, or sexual problem is always 100% the man's fault).

Heidi Klum cheated on Seal. Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson. Were those guys boring? You can be a rock star or a movie star, and still the woman gets bored.

Maybe they were boring in bed? Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

He has to listen to your incessant emoting and chatter about people and things he doesn't care about. He does this just to keep you happy. So both sides have to make compromises.

Yeah no. He cares about things that are important enough to me to talk about them.

Good lord apparently the world abounds in shitty marriages.

For the most part, yes, it does. Most people are selfish, and you have competing selfish desires, so of course, you will have conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

He has to listen to your incessant emoting and chatter about people and things he doesn't care about. He does this just to keep you happy. So both sides have to make compromises.

Yeah no. He cares about things that are important enough to me to talk about them.

Good lord apparently the world abounds in shitty marriages.

For the most part, yes, it does. Most people are selfish, and you have competing selfish desires, so of course, you will have conflict.

You can have two self-interested people who have conflicts in a relationship and have a way better marriage everybody here who is saying that men only want one thing.