Men only want one thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So question: if one partner really doesn't want to have sex but the other one does, why does the tie go to the man? Why has everybody agreed that the man's feelings are more important than the woman's?

Because a man never turns down a woman for sex even if the man does not want to/feel like having sex or does not find the woman attractive. The common thought is a man will have sex with any available woman. There is no special relationship, attractiveness of the woman or anything like that for a man. So no one is really talking/thinking about a man turning down sex. I guess if you wanted to be fair you could say both can turn down sex but IRL this is not a consideration. I think this type of simplistic thinking is degrading to women and men but is is very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Want to avoid duty sex? Here is a simple solution that is 100% on YOU women: marry a man who exactly matches YOUR sex drive... then (and here is the important part) DO NOT LOSE INTEREST.

If you are sexually matched, and both are happy with the sexual frequency (and any fluctuations) before marriage, then the ONLY way you would later perceive sex to be "duty" is if YOU LOSE INTEREST. Simply don't do that, and you can avoid any problems with duty sex.

You can't just order yourself "DO NOT LOSE INTEREST". This is like ordering yourself to be interested. You can't do it. Either you are interested, or you aren't.

This is like telling a guy "don't lose interest in sex with your wife if she gains 300 pounds." Your higher logical brain might try and tell itself "OK, she's still my wife and I should still do this" but your animal brain will say "nah" and won't give the orders to the equipment downstairs.

Fair, in such cases. But set that aside. In all too many instances, where nothing has gone off the rails (like gaining 300 lbs) or even when all things have gone well (3 million dollar house, great trips, country club memberships, clothes, jewelry, etc, etc, etc) women still lose interest. In those cases, do not lose interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

There are times my wife wants me to go to brunch with her family. I really don't like doing it at all. I do it because it matters to her. Do I enjoy it? No, not really. But it's part of our deal. I do for you what is important to you, you do for me what is important to me. How is sex any different?

Bingo. You get it. You compromise and she compromises. In-laws...sex..all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So question: if one partner really doesn't want to have sex but the other one does, why does the tie go to the man? Why has everybody agreed that the man's feelings are more important than the woman's?

Because a man never turns down a woman for sex even if the man does not want to/feel like having sex or does not find the woman attractive.
[This is totally untrue. I have turned down sex when I didn't feel like it, and when I was single and didn't find a woman attractive. I turn down sex with my wife - or quit doing it and go away- when she's not making any effort.]

The common thought is a man will have sex with any available woman.
[At best an exaggeration. If a total beast "makes herself available", plenty of men will say no. Of course this corresponds with the man's attractiveness. If he has options he is more likely to say no to less-attractive women.]

There is no special relationship, attractiveness of the woman or anything like that for a man.
[There totally is. Sex is more special and way better for men when they're in a loving relationship with an attractive woman. That is why husbands don't want "duty sex" - they want enthusiastic, loving sex.]

So no one is really talking/thinking about a man turning down sex.
[Like I said, if DW is just phoning it in, I push her away and go do something else.]

I guess if you wanted to be fair you could say both can turn down sex but IRL this is not a consideration.
[Only desperate and sex-starved men won't turn down sex. Sadly, if he is a husband, it is this very condition that makes him unattractive to his DW, who is then less likely to offer sex...]

I think this type of simplistic thinking is degrading to women and men but is is very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

Most women don’t feel like shit for having sex with their husbands. Even if they arent all that into it. Even if it’s just the satisfaction of a job well done .

Exactly. Fake it till you can make till you can make it.

Life goes on, another chore at the end of the day, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

Want to avoid duty sex? Here is a simple solution that is 100% on YOU women: marry a man who exactly matches YOUR sex drive... then (and here is the important part) DO NOT LOSE INTEREST.

So don't go marrying a normal man, one who wants regular sex, then complain about "duty sex" when it is YOU who lost interest.

How about just marrying a man who...doesn't demand duty sex? My husband doesn't. My sex drive fluctuates, sometimes it's really low, sometimes it's embarrassingly high, but my husband would never to have sex with me if he knew I didn't want to.

It would probably also work to marry a man who continues to treat you the same way he treated you before marriage and who does his fair share of household chores. Those men exist too.

Do you really think that most women don't want this? Hindsight is 20/20. If I had a crystal ball that kind foretell the future, I would be retired by now.

[Anonymous]

^that could.. not "that kind".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Want to avoid duty sex? Here is a simple solution that is 100% on YOU women: marry a man who exactly matches YOUR sex drive... then (and here is the important part) DO NOT LOSE INTEREST.

If you are sexually matched, and both are happy with the sexual frequency (and any fluctuations) before marriage, then the ONLY way you would later perceive sex to be "duty" is if YOU LOSE INTEREST. Simply don't do that, and you can avoid any problems with duty sex.

You can't just order yourself "DO NOT LOSE INTEREST". This is like ordering yourself to be interested. You can't do it. Either you are interested, or you aren't.

This is like telling a guy "don't lose interest in sex with your wife if she gains 300 pounds." Your higher logical brain might try and tell itself "OK, she's still my wife and I should still do this" but your animal brain will say "nah" and won't give the orders to the equipment downstairs.

So if it’s ok to lose interest in something that is very important to your partner (because who can predict such a loss?) then you must support his loss of interest in monogamy. He can’t just order himself to stay faithful to an uninterested wife, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a male married 22 years I’m happy to have sex 2-3 times a week and that takes up about 1 or 2 hours in a week. There are 168 hours in a week, less 50 hours for sleeping for a net of 118 hours less 60 hours for working/commuting for a net, net of 58 hours. So I’ve got 58 hours of available family time and sex only takes up 1-2 hours. There is a ton I want in the other 56 hours - if I’m not happy and enjoying myself with my wife and children for many of those hours sex for 1-2 hours is not going to make up for it. Yes, those 2 hours are great but if the other 54 hours suck my life will not be good. Fortunately I have a wonderful wife and great but at times challenging children so those other hours make for a very happy life. And, those happy other hours make the 1-2 hours of sex even better.

So no, men do not only want one thing.

LOL! You’re going to get shredded for this by most of the women on this thread because it’s logical and not emotional.

LOL! It's lack logic. or intelligence

Mostly because he has 58... FIFTY EIGHT ... hours of FREE TIME.

OTOH .... His wife has 30 minutes of free time.

+a million F#ck. My 30 minutes of free time are worth more than his penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is like money. When you have lots of it, its 10% of the relationship. When you have none, its 90%.

Those diminishing the power of sex, the glue, are those in the 10% category. I am rich, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to be poor.

So sex is the most important thing.

It’s a required thing for a happy relationship.

I’m not the OP but this really does come down to sex. It sounds like sex is the most important thing for a man. Good to know for advice to next generation of women. It sounds like you can give on other things if sex is good.

Riiight, because sex being important has been such a secret up till now.

Sorry but you misunderstand. Point is that sex is the most important thing for a man in a relationship. I think this means that you shouldn’t worry about having the most organized home or proper meals or anything else with kids. Those things can be forgiven if sex is good. Men won’t miss those things as much and your relationship with your spouse will be good.

I think this is an important message to get across. I didn’t realize even though my marriage is good. It’s a learning.

But ... husbands ... an organized house and proper meals MIGHT be important to your spouse. Women won't miss the sex much if the house is disorganized and the husband not participating and she's not properly fed and has to manage the shit out of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Want to avoid duty sex? Here is a simple solution that is 100% on YOU women: marry a man who exactly matches YOUR sex drive... then (and here is the important part) DO NOT LOSE INTEREST.

If you are sexually matched, and both are happy with the sexual frequency (and any fluctuations) before marriage, then the ONLY way you would later perceive sex to be "duty" is if YOU LOSE INTEREST. Simply don't do that, and you can avoid any problems with duty sex.

You can't just order yourself "DO NOT LOSE INTEREST". This is like ordering yourself to be interested. You can't do it. Either you are interested, or you aren't.

This is like telling a guy "don't lose interest in sex with your wife if she gains 300 pounds." Your higher logical brain might try and tell itself "OK, she's still my wife and I should still do this" but your animal brain will say "nah" and won't give the orders to the equipment downstairs.

So if it’s ok to lose interest in something that is very important to your partner (because who can predict such a loss?) then you must support his loss of interest in monogamy. He can’t just order himself to stay faithful to an uninterested wife, right?

There is no expectation of an exclusive sexual relationship if there is no sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is like money. When you have lots of it, its 10% of the relationship. When you have none, its 90%.

Those diminishing the power of sex, the glue, are those in the 10% category. I am rich, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to be poor.

So sex is the most important thing.

It’s a required thing for a happy relationship.

I’m not the OP but this really does come down to sex. It sounds like sex is the most important thing for a man. Good to know for advice to next generation of women. It sounds like you can give on other things if sex is good.

Riiight, because sex being important has been such a secret up till now.

Sorry but you misunderstand. Point is that sex is the most important thing for a man in a relationship. I think this means that you shouldn’t worry about having the most organized home or proper meals or anything else with kids. Those things can be forgiven if sex is good. Men won’t miss those things as much and your relationship with your spouse will be good.

I think this is an important message to get across. I didn’t realize even though my marriage is good. It’s a learning.

But ... husbands ... an organized house and proper meals MIGHT be important to your spouse. Women won't miss the sex much if the house is disorganized and the husband not participating and she's not properly fed and has to manage the shit out of everything.

Indeed. She is free to prioritize home organization and meal preparation over sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is like money. When you have lots of it, its 10% of the relationship. When you have none, its 90%.

Those diminishing the power of sex, the glue, are those in the 10% category. I am rich, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to be poor.

So sex is the most important thing.

It’s a required thing for a happy relationship.

I’m not the OP but this really does come down to sex. It sounds like sex is the most important thing for a man. Good to know for advice to next generation of women. It sounds like you can give on other things if sex is good.

Riiight, because sex being important has been such a secret up till now.

Sorry but you misunderstand. Point is that sex is the most important thing for a man in a relationship. I think this means that you shouldn’t worry about having the most organized home or proper meals or anything else with kids. Those things can be forgiven if sex is good. Men won’t miss those things as much and your relationship with your spouse will be good.

I think this is an important message to get across. I didn’t realize even though my marriage is good. It’s a learning.

But ... husbands ... an organized house and proper meals MIGHT be important to your spouse. Women won't miss the sex much if the house is disorganized and the husband not participating and she's not properly fed and has to manage the shit out of everything.

I remember when my future wife lived in an utterly slovenly group house and never made a proper sit-down meal and yet the lack of "an organized house and proper meals" never stopped her from dragging me upstairs to fsck her brains out (with her useless housemates sitting on the couch in the living room right underneath where we were getting it on). When she starts trotting out those kinds of excuses it's really that she just doesn't want to have sex. And more specifically, with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard this phrase used time and again to describe what men look for in a relationship. It’s used by so many people of different ages, genders, cultural backgrounds, etc. This makes me question the truth of this statement.

Men, how accurate is this statement?

tV time!

Quiet!

Few responsibilities!

Mainly focus on office work!

Being told how great they are!

Why men great, til they gotta be great????!!?

Pretty much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that many women here are shrugging their shoulders and saying "yeah if you want to keep your man happy gotta put out even if you don't feel like it, I'm teaching my daughters the same thing." Good grief.

Ladies you can do better.

It's reality though. If you need the trash removed it needs to be taken to the curb. If you want to pass a test you have to study. If you want the benefits of a marriage you often have to do things you don't want to. It may be in-law related, or duty sex.

Having sex is not the same as taking out the trash. Taking out the trash improves how you feel, duty sex makes you feel like shit. I'm truly sorry for anybody who thinks that duty sex is a requirement for a good marriage. It's not.

There are times my wife wants me to go to brunch with her family. I really don't like doing it at all. I do it because it matters to her. Do I enjoy it? No, not really. But it's part of our deal. I do for you what is important to you, you do for me what is important to me. How is sex any different?

Yep that's it. Marriage is a compromise and there are time you have to put your partners needs above your own. I know the duty in-law stuff as well...lol